Take Me Back To The Start
by powerofthebabe
Summary: When she was little she thought love was a fairy tale. But now she's thirteen everything she once knew isn't so black and white. She's spent thirteen years believing certain truths. Truths like her Mother is Peyton Wolf, famous singer. Her Father is Jake Jagielski, famous guitarist. And she's Sawyer Elizabeth Jagielski. Now she's not even sure of her own name. AU L/P. T for now.
1. It's her secret now too

She's thirteen when she finds her birth certificate.

She thinks someone is going to jump out at her at any given second and tell her they're messing with her.

But they don't.

She's spent thirteen years believing she's someone she's not.

She's spent thirteen years thinking she's Sawyer Elizabeth Jagalski.

Most thirteen year old's would confront their parents. Would scream. Cry. Struggle to understand this startling discovery.

She's not most thirteen year old's though. She's not had the average upbringing. As much as her parents have strived to give her that. It's not so easy when your parents are famous.

She says nothing. It's her secret now too.

She watches her mother with new eyes. She wonders if she knows this woman at all. She wonders if her dad...not her dad, the man that's bought her up, the man she thought was her dad, she wonders if he knows the truth. She wonders if her real father knows the truth.

The first time she sees him again after she's found out who he really is they're at a party. Her mother's record label party.

Her heart races in her chest.

She lingers back as she watches him greet her mother.

They smile at each other. He kisses her cheek.

She wants to know their story. Wants to know what happened. She's always called him her Uncle Lucas. He's a songwriter. He'd written a whole album with her mother a long time ago. That's all she knows. She wonders if that's when they'd been together. Wonders if that's when they'd made her.

She watches her Mum. She's beautiful. She hopes she's half as pretty as her when she's older. The kids at school all want to be her friend because of who her parents are. Peyton Wolf and Jake Jagalski. Famous singer and guitarist. Each famous in their own right.

Only Jake Jagalski isn't her dad.

This man is.

Her little sister interrupts the two adults while she holds back. He lifts the eight year old up.

'Woah you're getting heavy Indie'

'I missed you! You've been gone forever Luke'

'I know' He pouts. 'Too long huh. I missed you too kido. You need stop growing' He kisses her nose and lets her down and then he's looking at _her_. She unconsciously moves closer to her mother. 'Hey Sawyer. You ok?'

She nods but her mouth doesn't work.

'She's mad cause Mia said she could sing with her tonight but her Mumma said no' Peyton informs him with a roll of her eye.

'Ah, I see. You've got the rest of your life for that Sawyer'

'I sang at Brooke and Julian's wedding' She manages to grumble and scuffs her shoe on the ground.

'Yep you stole the show but your Mumma's right. That was a private family thing, there's a lot of press here tonight. She's just protecting you'

She pouts. She doesn't understand what the big deal is. She wants to be like her Mum. Everyone keeps telling her she is. Everyone keeps telling her that she can sing but her Mother seems hell bent on not letting her share her voice and she doesn't get it one bit.

'Young lady reign it in. I mean it. If you carry on with the faces you can forget about going to that party on Friday' Peyton threatens and watches the green eyes that match her own widen in outrage and then she's crossing her arms and storming away.

'The teen years have well and truly arrived then' Lucas smirks.

'You can say that again. I miss my baby'

'Get use to it now, judging by you at that age you're in for a treat'

Peyton's face imitates that of her daughters from just seconds ago. 'I was an angel'

'Oh really? I seem to remember you running off at thirteen and stealing a car' He jibes.

'You stole a car?' Indie's eyes are wide as she stares up at her mother.

'Not stole. Borrowed' Peyton disagrees hastily, seemingly having forgotten her youngest child's presence. 'Babe why don't you go find Daddy?'

'Okay. Bye Luke. I hope you're back for longer this time' She chirps before skipping off.

'Thanks' Peyton drones. 'Feed my kid crap from my teen years so she can use it against me when she screws up'

Lucas chortles. 'Commit the crime, pay the fine' He shrugs.

'I was going through shit Luke-'

'Oh I know. I'm teasing' His hand outstretches, fingers coasting down her upper arm and he instantly regrets it because touching her is always a mistake but his hand doesn't retract. It can't. It never can. 'So this is all pretty amazing huh? I can't believe it's only been a year since you started Red Bedroom...it's amazing what you've achieved in such a short space of time Peyt, really it is. I'm proud of you'

She forces a smile that he doesn't buy for a minute. 'Thanks Luke'

He's about to ask her what's wrong. He knows her. Can't be fooled like everyone else here.

'Who's the girl?' Her enquiry successfully changes the subject and stops the interrogation she knows he'd been seconds from embarking upon. It was only a matter of time before she commented on the guest he's bought along.

'Lindsay' He knows who she's referring to. Of course he does. 'She's a songwriter. A good one'

'She's pretty'

'Yeah' He agrees. 'We've been working together a lot recently'

'I'd love to hear some of it before you go...Hales mentioned you might be joining her on her tour next week?'

'That was the plan-'

'Don't' Her eyes widen as her objection breaks free. She looks down. 'Sorry...I..'

He steps closer. She's never asked him not to go on a job before. Ever. 'Hey what's wrong? Has something happened?'

She swallows and then she's shaking her head. 'Nothing' And then she's walking away. And he follows. He always follows. She knows he's going to follow. She both hates and loves that.

'Peyton' He grabs at her arm again once they're outside. The cool air is a welcome relief to her hot cheeks. They're alone here. 'Talk to me'

'It's fucked' She blurts in all of a heartbeat.

'What?'

'Jenny's album. The tour. Jenny she...' She claws her hands through her hair. 'I found her unconscious last week. Heroin...I..' She's trembling suddenly and he hates that look, wants to erase the pain that's invaded her eyes. And he knows this isn't even about her up and coming act. This is about her step daughter. 'This is all my fault'

'What? No' He disagrees.

'Well Jake thinks so'

He grits his teeth together and swallows his words. 'I'm sure he's just worried about his kid Peyt'

'Like I'm not? I love her! He came to me with this idea. He came to me begging me to give her a shot before some other label snatched her up and exploited her because he knew I'd protect her. I told him I thought she it was way too soon, that she was too young but they both wore me down! I've protected her in every way I can. I can't control her every decision. I didn't do this'

'No, of course you didn't, you didn't Peyt...How...is she ok?' He feels like the kid in question had been climbing trees five minutes ago. He doesn't know where that time has gone.

'She...I got her into Mountview Rehab yesterday. I...I don't...I feel stupid I have no idea how long this has been going on for. I-'

'Peyt' He brings her into a hug. 'She'll be alright. If I can get through rehab and come out the other side so can she'

She nods into his chest. She doesn't want too think about that time in their lives because there's too many words left unsaid when it comes to their past. And she just can't.

'Mia's album is nowhere near finished...Jake is obviously going to need to take a break from work because of this and I...fuck I...I don't know what...Julian has been brainstorming how to fix this and he...he wants me to go out and tour...with you... the old tour...our record' She looks up at him then and he's squinting at her. 'Crazy right?'

He pauses. 'If that's what you need me to do' His shoulders shrugs. 'You know I'm here'

'What about Hales?'

'She's a big girl. She's survived the most part of her career without me at her side. I think she'll cope. You know she's just fulfilling her contract and then she's signing with you...'

'She said that?'

'Not in so many words. She's one of your best friends Peyt. She doesn't need to say it. The only reason she's not already with you is because Red Bedroom didn't exist when she got signed, you know that'

'I never thought when I said she would always be welcome with us that she'd actually consider it. I thought she was happy at Gatina Records'

Lucas's brow kinks. 'You know Rachel...I think there's only so much of that psycho anyone can stand...'

'It took you sleeping with her to figure that out?' She doesn't look pissed exactly but the teasing jest in her voice doesn't quite reach her eyes.

'More like got molested by her! She handcuffed me to the bed'

She rolls her eyes. 'It must have been awful torture' She drawls sarcastically. 'So bad that you went back for more'

His eyes narrow because his brother has clearly been gossiping because Peyton shouldn't know that. The first encounter had been common knowledge thanks to the tormenting photo Rachel Gatina had tauntingly posted on social media. Something they both know was just to put Peyton's back up as she'd started her own record label. It had been an indication of the level the red head was willing to sink to if need be when it came to fighting the blonde for any acts that they both might be interested in. Peyton had been significantly riled by her antics, not that she'd showed it. She'd been more upset in learning that Lucas had had relations with her rival after that initial incident. Not that she'd ever mentioned it before now.

She notes his uncomfortable stance. He opens and closes his mouth. The instances she's speaking of are something he'd rather the blonde before him had been kept in the dark about because it had been a mistake. A huge mistake.

'Sorry. None of my business' She hastily announces. 'I...I want you to be happy, I know I shouldn't ask you to stay for me...I don't want to hold you back...'

'You know the only thing that can make me happy...I lost her a long time ago'

She averts her eyes then. Because he's crossed that line. He likes crossing the line. Hell he's trampled on it so many times over the years that she finds it hard to even know where it is anymore.

She's ignoring him because acknowledging his words isn't going to get them anywhere. No, the best way to deal with it is to just not. It's a method that's been working for the last thirteen years. 'If I had any other choice I wouldn't be asking Luke' She steers the conversation back to her request. A request that has had her stomach in knots for the last twelve hours because it's not a good idea. For her Record label it's the best idea. A great idea, the only idea proposed that will save them but privately...it's not a good idea. Not at all.

'Gees, you know how to make me feel real special'

'You know what I mean...'

'I know' He relents with a smile. '...I don't suppose Jake will be very onboard with this'

'I've not talked to him about it yet... hell Julian only sprung it on me this morning. I wanted to know your answer first' She rambles. 'He'll understand'

He begs to differ. The prospect of pissing her husband off isn't something he's opposed to though. He knows that shouldn't be the case but he really can't help that it excites him to irritate the man she's married to, however childish it is. 'It's not a big deal. It's not as though we've not made music together for the last thirteen years is it?'

'No' She agrees. Although it is different. It's different because they might have worked together over the years, played together too but there's always been a band present, there's always been others involved. They've not written music. They've not been in a studio alone. They've not played their songs. They've not been on stage just the two of them. Alone. Not once. Not since they were together. Not since they were in love.

 **A/N** Thanks for reading :) Okay so I've not been able to get this concept out of my head. (Having rewatched Nashville- which if you watch is probably very clear that there are parallels!) I don't know how long this is going to be but my plan is to keep chapters relatively short in comparison to my other story because then hopefully I'll get chapters out a little more quickly!


	2. Fools rush in

'How was Lucas?'

'Jake' She shakes her head and looks away in irritation as she takes her earrings out.

'What?' He's just as irritated.

'Don't do that' He's not being what she wants right now. She wants him to come and stand behind her. Wants his arms to wrap around her waist. Wants him to tell her he's proud of her as Lucas had earlier this evening but she knows she's dreaming in thinking that will ever happen because he's busy blaming her for his daughter's misdemeanours. Not that he'll ever verbally say that. His eyes say it all.

'Don't do what?' He feigns ignorance. He knows exactly what she means but he can't seem to help himself because he can't not grill her when it comes to this.

'Make a fight with me' She warns. Her head is aching from having to mingle with people all night and her heart is aching over Jenny. She's exhausted.

'I'm not. He's been away on tour. I saw you two talking earlier and was interested in knowing how he's been getting on' He's sat on the bed and watches her slip her heels off and rub at her aching feet. On any other day he'd tell her to come sit next to him and let him do that. Not today though.

'No you're not' She bluntly alleges. She knows he doesn't have an ounce of interest in Lucas Scott's well being.

'No. No I'm not interested in how he is' He agrees. She's right and his calmness falters. He stands. 'I'm wondering why whenever he enters a room you're guaranteed to be next to him within five minutes' He spouts.

'God Jake. How many times do we have to have the same god forsaken conversation?' She wonders in exasperation.

He sighs and stares at her for a long minute. She's wearing a red dress that is just the right combination of sexy and sophisticated. He's not been able to stop staring at her all night. He knows he's not the only one but that doesn't usually matter because he's the one she comes home to. 'I'm sorry' He eventually apologises because he recognises that this shouldn't be an issue anymore. He really does. She's proved where her loyalties lie. She has, but he's still not convinced on her heart, even after all this time. 'I can't...I still...I just...seeing you two I...'

'I'm married to you. I'm your wife. Yours. If you don't trust me now, after all this time I really don't know what more I can do' She crosses her arms across her chest because this conversation is always tiring but seemingly never over.

'Not physically cheating doesn't make emotionally cheating okay' He quietly mutters. She hears.

'He's. My. Friend' Her irritation is quickly transcending into anger but she composes herself because she's going to have to break this to him sooner or later. 'If you must know we were talking business, okay?'

'Business' He echoes.

'With everything going on with Jen there's obviously going to be collateral damage but Julian and I were discussing the best way we can keep that to a minimum for the label'

'Shouldn't I be involved in that conversation-'

'Honey don't act like I'm sneaking around behind your back here. It's Julian's job to help me figure this out, not yours-'

'I'm aware that it's not my job but was foolish enough to think that as your husband you might want to confide in me'

'I am confiding in you right now! I'm just trying to take away any stress I can Jake. I know you're going to want to be here so you can be close to her. You can't work right now. Mia can't go on tour- she needs to finish the album...that leaves me-'

'No. Absolutely not. We decided you were done touring until Indie's older. She didn't handle it at all well last time, she needs you. So does Sawyer.'

'I'm well aware of that but I can fucking work and be a good mother' Her eyes are fierce because this is a sore subject. She's had her concerns in the past that her children may suffer due to her work commitments. Concerns that he's fuelled at times in his belief that she should be at home more. And she knows he supports her, she does know that. He tells her what a wonderful mother she is but he's also voiced quite heatedly in the past that touring isn't something she should be doing with two young girls.

'I didn't say that you can't do both'

'You might as well have'

'I don't see how you touring right now is going to help our family Peyton. I want you here. I need you as much as the kids do. You know how difficult Sawyer has been recently'

'And what do you think me dropping all my commitments is going to say to them? Things get tough sometimes, you don't just drop everything and let people down. You work fucking hard and you get through it with the support of your friends and family. That's what we're teaching them right now'

'I'll tell Indie that when she's crying for you because you're not here to kiss her good night'

'God, don't be a fucking dick Jake! Do you think I like being away from them?! Of course I fucking don't'

'Then don't go. You've not even got an album to promote. You can use this time to find new artists-'

'Julian can handle that... He wants me to tour Ravens' She blurts. Rip it off like a band aid.

His expression is stony. 'So that's where _he_ comes into this' He shakes his head in utter disbelief. 'No. Way'

'It'll be laid back- I made Julian swear it wouldn't be an insane schedule. I'll only be gone a week at a time at most and the girls can come with me when it's convenient-'

'You're not fucking touring with _him_ Peyton' He wavers his hand at her irately. 'Not that fucking album. No way. Absolutely not'

'Don't talk to me like that' He's pacing and she rakes her hand through her hair. 'Babe come on. Don't be ridiculous'

'Ridiculous? Ridiculous is you pretending he's not still fucking in love with you Peyton!'

'Jake come on! He had a date with him tonight, what about that shouts that he's in love with me to you?' She argues. Because if she argues it enough maybe it'll be true. They both know it won't.

'You think that changes anything? He still only has eyes for you!'

'So what?!' She exclaims. 'If you're right, so what? I'm a big girl. I can say no! I chose you Jake. I still choose you' She edges over to him. Her hands run up and down his chest.

'How would you feel if I'd written an album with another girl I'd been in love with and suddenly announced I'd be touring it with her?'

'I'd acknowledge that it's a part of your life. That it's art. That it's music. And I'd trust in our love for each other enough not to make an issue out of it, especially if your motivation was to help our child' She declares. 'Baby come on. I have to do this for Jenny, for the label- this isn't just about us, people's jobs are on the line. I'm doing this for them. For you.' She kisses the underside of his jaw. He stands rigidly. 'You know how much this label means to me. You know how hard I've worked in getting everything up and running and getting people to take me seriously from a business point view and not just as an artist. I can't fail at this Jake...If he tries anything I'll let you hit him' She proposes, a jesting lilt to her voice. 'I promise' She husks, her hands latching round his neck, her nose brushing against his. He knows that's not a promise. Knows if he ever resorted to violence when it comes to Lucas Scott that she'd loose the plot. He knows because he's been involved in altercations with the man in question in the past. It hadn't impressed her then and he knows it won't now.

He inhales. Her familiar perfume is like a sedative to his rage. 'I really want to be pissed at you right now'

'I know but why be pissed when you can be doing other...things to me' She drawls. The last week has been hellish to say the least and he doesn't want to argue. They've both said things they don't mean. They've both been in pieces over the nineteen year old that's gone into rehab. Something neither of them imagined they'd be doing and then on top of all that they've had to spend the evening pretending none of it is going on in an effort to prevent a media circus. 'This week has been horrible. Please, let's just forget this shit storm for a while' She pleads.

'If he tries anything...'

'He won't if he knows what's good for him' She murmurs.

He lifts her abruptly and she shrieks as he spins around and pushes her down onto the bed in all of a second. 'You know how much you're asking of me right now?' He crawls up her and her fingers smooth over the crease on his forehead. 'I've got enough on my fucking plate without having to deal with this'

'We've got enough on our plate' She corrects. 'I'd not be asking you to go along with this, I'd never have even considered this if I felt like there was another answer babe' Her voice husks. 'You know I'm right... I know this is going to be difficult for us but I love you' She answers. 'It'll be alright, okay?' She locks her legs around him. 'Okay?'

'You're so beautiful. I don't know what I'd do without you Peyt'

'You don't have to think about that' She hums.

'Do you know what you've been doing to me all night'

'I've got an idea' She smiles, she thinks he's talking about the dress he's pawing at.

'No you don't' He's certain she has no idea because if she did she'd stay away from Lucas Scott. It's that simple.

'You can thank Brooke for the dress, she thought you'd approve' She drawls.

'Oh I definitely approve' He knows what she's doing. He's not a fool. Knows that he's just been seduced in order to end their disagreement. She does it frequently and he welcomes it because jealousy isn't something he deals with well but being with her in this way helps ease his doubts and worries because for a moment he can kid himself that she's all his.

He kisses her then. His hands moulding over her a little rougher than usual. His touch is predictable. He's always like this after she's been near _him;_ wrought up with envy. A desire to stress who she belongs to, like if he fucks her hard enough she'll remember that she's married to him. But they both know who she'll go to when she's next upset about something.

And it's not her husband.

It never is.


	3. 11 years sober

'How you holding up buddy?' Haley drops onto the bleacher beside him.

'How'd you know I was here?'

'You're always here when you're brooding about something. Secretly pining for your brother's career?' She nudges him with her elbow and he laughs because they both know he'd never give up music. Not for a game of ball. Besides it was no secret he was a lame shot.

'I'm fine'

'Oh please. I'm queen of pretending I'm fine and that I'm not in love with your brother, you however suck at pretending Lucas Scott'

He swings his arm around her with a sigh. 'You two still not speaking then I take it?'

'Hey don't turn this round on me. I was asking how you're doing?' She prods his knee and looks up into his face.

'I'm fine. Really' He smiles that smile she's come to know means drop it. But she's never been good at listening.

'Yeah? Well you need to work on your acting skills because I'm definitely not the only one that noticed you storming off when Jake made that toast about his darling wife tonight'

'Huh. That' He grins but it's not amusement. 'You'd think I'd be use to seeing her with him by now but it's like a kick to the gut every time'

Haley looks at him sympathetically. 'Well if you ask me that little performance couldn't have been more fake'

Lucas smirks and remembers why this girl is his best friend.

'What happened to Lindsay?' She changes the subject.

'She's got an early flight for some meeting in LA tomorrow. We decided to catch up when she's back'

'How's that going?'

'How's what going?' He cocks his eyebrow at her.

'You two were hanging out a lot on the road'

'We don't all get star treatment when on tour Hales, it's only the privileged that get their own little private bedroom on the tour bus, the rest of us have to bunk it together'

'Oh really? You usually take advantage of your best buddy being said star though don't you darling?' She chimes sweetly. 'I've woken up with you snuggled up to me one too many times'

He pouts. 'Hey, you want these magic fingers playing guitar for you, then you don't get to whine about sharing your oh so comfy sleeping quarters. Those bunks do my back in. I'm getting too old for that shit'

'Mmm well forgive me but as much as I love you there's kinda another Scott I'd rather have in my bed'

'Well how would you know? You've never sampled me, maybe you chose the wrong brother' He grins and she slaps his arm.

'Ew Luke' She grimaces dramatically. 'Don't even joke. That's gross'

'How rude'

'Rude is hitting on your best friend when you're dating someone'

'So not hitting on you Hales' He laughs. 'Just messing. It's far too easy. And dating someone?' He looks at her with bemusement. 'Who am I dating?'

'I got the impression you and Lindsay are a thing' She shrugs.

'A writing music together, work thing?' He suggests. 'Sure'

'A writing music together, work thing that involves you sleeping with her' Haley summarises.

'How do you do that?' Lucas shakes his head bewilderedly because even after all these years he doesn't get how his friend knows the things she does.

'What?'

'You just, you always know who I'm sleeping with without me saying anything...it's actually fucking creepy'

She laughs. 'It's one of my many great talents. That and the girl was so touchy, touchy with you after she saw you with Peyton tonight'

He groans then. Because Peyton always seemed to be a threat to any girl he was seeing. She didn't have to do anything at all. It's like there was a red alarm bell above her head, signalling to all of his possible suiters that she was danger. 'We've slept together a few times. It's just casual'

'Does she know that?'

'What does that mean?'

'It means she didn't look like she knows that it's just causal Luke'

Lucas looks up at the stars above him and sighs heavily. 'Why do girls like drama so much?'

'Us? Dude she's not fucking paranoid for noticing the ongoing saga that is Peyton Wolf and Lucas Scott'

'Jagalski. Peyton Jagalski' He corrects her grumpily. 'There is no saga. We're friends. We've been _just_ friends longer than we were ever together at this point' That revelation makes his heart ache. 'Jesus, that's really depressing' He notes.

'You hurt her bad. I hurt Nate bad. We're suffering the consequences.'

'You don't need to tell me that Hales. I'm well aware of what I did, I'm well aware that I don't deserve her but it's' He stops himself abruptly.

'It's what?' Haley's eyes widen impatiently.

'It's just...always going to be there for me...' He confesses. He's tried to move on. He really has. Many times. He just never quite gets there because as soon as he's in a room with her he can't fool himself for a moment more 'I, I've changed, I'm a better man than I was back then'

'I know. I know that' Haley nods.. 'Luke you're my best friend. I'm your biggest advocate okay? I'll always be rooting for you but she, she married another man. It's not like she's just in a relationship with Jake. She's got kids with him. She's moved on...I just think it's time you did too. I want you to be happy'

'It's not as simple as that. I don't get a choice in how I feel okay? You of all people should be understanding of that...'

'I am. God I am. I just, I dunno Luke. I just think I'd be a shit friend if I didn't remind you from time to time that there are other fish in the sea'

'Noted' He grumbles. 'And that goes for you too'

'Noted'

They both smile. Both know they're not going to be able to let their eyes stray far.

'I like Lindsay. Why not give it an actual shot for once?'

'We'll see. I told you it's-'

'Casual' Haley finishes. 'Right' She rolls her eyes and nudges him in the side as she rests her head on his shoulder. 'It's nice here' She says after a moment of silence. 'I've only ever been down here when Nate's playing a game'

'Kinda the polar opposite when no one is here right?'

'Mm. It's so quiet'

'Yeah' He softly agrees. '...I first saw Peyton here. Did I ever tell you that?'

Haley's eyes skitter away from the twinkling stars and back up to him.

'She was thirteen. All legs. Smoking a fucking cigarette' He shakes his head because they'd just been kids but they'd felt so grown up. 'I thought she was oh so cool'

'I bet she was cool...She's still pretty badass mind'

'She was angry at thirteen, up to mischief, looking to get attention from her Mum and Dad'

'I'm sure you gave her attention'

'Mm... I never understood how a girl like her could like a guy like me'

'Luke, stop' Haley pleads. They're treading a dangerous path that she's been down with him one too many times. She knows the destination and doesn't want to end up at that morbid place. 'Don't torture yourself'

He blinks. Licks his lips. Retreats; she's right.

Silence.

If he's not going to sit here dwelling on the past he's going to have to focus on the present. 'Hales?'

'Mm?'

'I might as well tell you something while you're here...you're not going to like it' He exhales.

She waits patiently for him to elaborate.

'She asked me to stay tonight'

'What?' He's definitely got her attention.

'Peyton-'

'I know who _she_ is!' Haley hisses.

'Loads of shit has blown up with Jenny...it's going to have a domino effect on the label and-'

'She's asked you to tour with her' Haley assumes.

'How...'

'How'd I guess?' Haley snorts. 'Because I know Julian, I know that he was your guys biggest fans way before he started managing Peyt and working with her on the label. He loves that album you two did together. He's always seeking out ways to get you singing together again but Peyton shuts it down every...' She trails off.

Lucas squints at her. He's not surprised by Peyton's aversion to the idea. He knows why. But it only emphasises how desperate she is now if she's been asked to do this before.

'Sorry you didn't need to know that...actually you did' She vents. 'We all know why she's never even comprehended working with you in that way again Luke'

'Because her husband would hate it' He smirks at the thought, the school boy in him can't help but feel satisfaction at the thought of upsetting the man in question.

'No...well obviously but-'

'Hales we work together all the time' He cuts in. 'It's not a big deal'

'You playing with her every now and again in her band doesn't count. You know what I mean- she doesn't fucking trust herself to work with you!' Haley spews. 'Writing music together is so fucking intimate'

'We're not going to be writing an album together'

'No just singing one. God Luke, Ravens, that album is a fucking love letter to each other. You think she can stand on stage and do that with you without remembering those feelings'

'Why're you saying that like it's a bad thing? My feelings haven't changed since we wrote that god damn album Haley. Not for a single day'

'She's married! She's got kids Luke. She's got a family. This isn't just about the two of you anymore'

He pushes his tongue to the roof of his mouth and stands up. 'No. It's not...'

'Don't stay. You said you'd come back out with me'

'You don't need me. You're a big girl'

'Lucas! Come on think about this-'

'I could make her happy!' He bleats. 'If she'd let me, I know I could make her happier than him!'

Haley drops her head into her hands in despair. '...When I slept with Kris and Nate found out what did you say to me?' She quietly murmurs.

He grinds his teeth together. '...That if he forgives you he'll let you know...that you need to stop chasing and let his heart heal...'

'Right'

'I've given her space Hales. Since she said I do to Jake I backed off. I've done everything she's ever asked of me. She's told me to fuck off I've fucked off. She's asked me to stay, I've stayed'

'Well maybe you should grow a pair and stop crawling on your hands and knees for her. It's not fair on you or Jake'

'Don't make out like she's been a bitch, you know everything she's done for me Hales. I'd have zero career right now. I'd probably be on the fucking streets. I owe everything to her. She's the reason I'm sober, the reason I have a roof over my head, the reason I have a relationship with Mum after everything that happened'

'I know. I fucking know. And I fucking love her for that. I do. I love Peyton, she's my friend, I'm just, all I'm saying is there's got to be a point when we accept their choices Luke. We can't live our lives waiting for the day that they might forgive us and take us back'

'My situation isn't the same as yours Hales! I never fucking cheated! I didn't betray her!' It's a low blow and he literally watches her freeze.

'You know what' She rises to her feet. 'If you can't see what a huge fucking mistake this is then fine go ahead. It's your fucking funeral. I'm telling you now, touring with her is a bad idea. For you and for her'

'Hales wait-'

'No Luke. Your cheating whore of a friend wants to be alone right now'

'I didn't say that, Hales come on, I'm sorry!' He hollers after her, his face crumpled because he didn't mean to upset her. He didn't mean for his words to come out as they had.

She doesn't turn back. He doesn't go after her. Knows not to go after her. She needs space. His hand delves inside his pocket. Seeks out the green coin. His fingers curls around it tightly for a moment before pulling it free from it's hiding place.

 _11 years sober_. He reads the engraving. Memorises the well rehearsed steps that have aided his recovery. Because right now he wants a god damn drink. But he's not going to do that. He sinks back down onto the bleachers and does what he always does when he wants a drink. Thinks of the reason why he got sober. Why he's stayed sober. Thinks of Peyton Elizabeth Wolf. Only it's not Wolf. It's Jagalski.


	4. Sing me a Lullaby

'Sawyer you're still awake' Peyton murmurs, migrating further into her oldest daughter's room. She'd expected to find Sawyer fast asleep. 'It's really late babe'

'You're up still' The thirteen year old sullenly responds.

'Uhuh but perks of being a parent means you officially don't have a bedtime' Peyton quips with a smile as she sinks onto the edge of the bed. She shivers. She'd changed into sleep shorts and a t-shirt with the expectation that she'd soon be snuggled up in bed having assumed both her children would be in the land of nod. Her hand creeps over Sawyer's duvet covered leg. She squeezes the spot she's long since learnt will entice a squeal from her daughter. Predictably, despite the bedding the thirteen year old yelps.

'Mum!'

'There's that smile' Peyton jubilantly chimes.

'I'm not five. When are you going to quit doing that?!'

'Never' Peyton smirks and whips the turquoise duvet back, crawling up the bed and wrapping herself around the discontented teenager 'I'm bloody freezing' She whines as she pulls the covers back up over the both of them.

'I was nice and warm until you came along' Sawyer grumbles at her mother's not so welcome hug.

'I kept you warm in my belly for nine months, the least you can do is let me share your covers' Peyton drawls back. 'Mm, you are warm' She kisses the stiff teenager's shoulder and is then eying her suspiciously. ' ...seriously, why're you still up honey? I said goodnight ages ago'

'Indie was crying about Jenny'

Peyton is quick to sit back up. 'She was?'

'It's okay, I handled it, she's asleep now' Sawyer adds as she rolls onto her back and notes her Mother's concerned expression.

'Why didn't you come and get me?'

'I was going to but you and Dad were arguing'

'Oh...' Peyton cringes. 'You heard that then?...We're alright baby' She lays down again and cocoons herself back around her child. 'It's been a tough week for all of us hasn't it? And well, me and your Dad, we just disagree about some things sometimes'

'...Like Lucas' Sawyer challenges.

Peyton is taken aback, her brow furrows as she worriedly wonders how long her daughter was stood eavesdropping outside their door.

She opens her mouth but the thirteen year old has questions that she wants answers to. 'You and Luke use to date right? Before Daddy?'

Peyton swallows. 'What makes you think that?'

'I googled it' The inquisitive teenager answers.

'You googled it' Peyton repeats.

'I knew you did a record together before I was born so I googled that and then on wikipedia in the personal life bit it said you and Lucas were romantically linked' She recites.

Peyton blinks, stunned into silence at her daughter's detective work.

'So you dated right?' Sawyer impatiently probes her for a response.

The flustered mother forces a teasing smile. 'You know google doesn't hold the answers to everything right baby? And just because it's written online doesn't mean it's fact. In fact I'd go as far as saying ninety percent of anything written about me is fiction'

'You two didn't date then?' Sawyer isn't fooled nor amused by her mother's attempts of diverting her attention. She's not a little girl that can be distracted anymore.

'Well we did use to date but I'm sure google has told you a load of crap that isn't true honey. I don't like you googling me. If you have questions why not ask the real girl? She is your Mum you know. I think she knows more about herself than wikipedia can tell you'

'Did you love him?' Sawyer wastes no time in asking the one question that no one but her mother can answer.

Peyton wonders if her cheeks are as red as they feel. She'd not been prepared for this interrogation, not that she thinks she could ever really be all that prepared for these questions. 'Well, yes, you know how fond I am of Luke, we've been good friends for a long time'

'I'm not talking about now' Sawyer frowns in frustration. 'When you were together back then were you in love?'

Peyton swallows in an effort to hydrate her dry mouth.

'Mum?'

'Yes, yes we loved each other'

'Why did you split up then?'

Peyton pushes her tongue to the roof of her mouth for a moment. It's a loaded question that has a loaded answer that she's not willing to share, not right now. 'All sorts of reasons really...things don't always work out when you're young. You grow up and change and sometimes you just, you no longer work as a couple...we weren't to be. I was meant to be with your Dad' She tries her best to explain her relationship with Lucas in a way that she hopes might stop Sawyer's invasive questions.

'But Dad thinks Luke still loves you'

'You shouldn't listen to other peoples conversations Sawyer' Peyton stresses.

'Why? Cause you might have to talk about stuff you don't want to?'

Her brow shoots up at her daughter's cocky response. 'Because it's rude' She sternly corrects. 'Your Dad and Lucas haven't ever gotten along. Things are always messy when you've been romantically involved with someone. It's complicated and when you're older you'll understand'

Sawyer scowls. 'This is why I didn't just ask you because you're not going to actually tell me anything are you?!'

'That's not true honey. I am talking to you'

'You're treating me like a baby'

'You're far from a baby. You're growing up too bloody fast' Peyton complains. 'Whats got you asking all these questions about Luke?' She wonders fretfully.

'He was in rehab too' She ignores Peyton's question.

'Yes...He's an alcoholic, you know that'

'That means he's addicted to drinking right?'

'Right. He has an addiction that he works really, really hard to keep on top of. He's been sober for a long, long time now because he sets himself rules and attends his meetings... Is this about Jenny?' She's trying to read her daughter's mind, trying to work out what's triggered all this. 'Luke got sober and Jenny will get clean too babe. Me and your Dad are making sure of it. I'm not going to lie, it's going to be really hard for all of us to get her through this but we will. She's tough.'

'You're leaving us' Sawyer blurts then. 'You're leaving us and going off with Luke! How is that all of us getting through it together?!'

'I'm not leaving you! My Mum left me. I've told you before- she upped and left when I was fifteen. You know your Grandad isn't always the easiest man and lord knows he put her through hell and back but she just, she left. And I've seen her a handful of times since. I would never, never do that to you or your sister. Never. I have to work that's all this is-'

'Dad doesn't want you to go. Jenny needs you. We all need you and you're going to go on stupid tour with stupid Lucas'

'Hey' she grabs the thirteen year old's hands. 'I'm not leaving you' She proclaims fiercely. 'I'll never leave you. I'll only be gone a few days at a time and I'll fly you out to see me when I can. I swear. Jenny not being well, that effects the label babe. It has ramifications for lots of people's jobs. I can't just walk away from this. We've got bills to pay and-'

'It's fine. I get it.' Sawyer yanks her hands away and focuses on glaring at the ceiling above. 'You've always put your music before us' She scathingly remarks and her words are echoed words that she's heard her dad scream at her mother on more than one heated occasion.

'Do you really think that?' Peyton's whisper has Sawyer's eyes skittering away from the ceiling, nervously assessing the still figure beside her. Their matching green eyes lock. Peyton's fierce. Sawyer's worried. 'Since the day you surprised me and I realised you were coming into this world you've been at the heart of every decision I've made. Every one. Don't you know that?'

Her mother's anguish is more poignant than her anger. It make's Sawyer's stomach clench. And despite her resentment and confusion over her recent findings she still feels guilt.

'Music is a part of who I am, it's always been that way and I, I don't think it's wrong for me to want something for myself but at the end of the day there is no choice when it comes to you and Indie or music. You two are my world. You two come first. Always'

'You didn't plan to have me. You didn't want me' Sawyer mutters.

Peyton watches her, sees her daughter flailing before her. She's at that tricky age. There are flashes of maturity that sometimes have her fooling her parents into thinking she's more grown up than she is, so much so that moments of emotional instability always takes Peyton a little off guard. Moments like now that emphasise how she's still very much a child.

'Well no, I was 22 and touring and a baby wasn't really what I was thinking about at that point' Peyton shares. 'But god you were never not wanted; you were the best surprise I've ever had'

'If I was a surprise to you, Dad must have been shocked' She stares at her Peyton. Wonders if she stares hard enough if she might just be able to see the secrets her mother hides.

'Your Dad wanted you Sawyer. He was amazing at reassuring me and looking after me'

'Is that why you kept me? Because he wanted you to?'

'What?! No! Sawyer I wanted you! How could I not want you?! You're me and him'

 _Am I?_ She doesn't say it out loud. Can't bring herself to ask the question she really wants to. She doesn't know why. Maybe it's because her world already seems to be in complete turmoil with everything going on with her big sister. She's not sure she can handle throwing her family into further disarray.

'I held you back from your music'

'Babe that's so not true. Sure, you might have slowed me down from time to time but I needed that. When I had you I was at the height of my career and I was working non stop. It wasn't healthy. I refocused my whole life because of you but only for the better... Me touring now isn't me running way from you, it's so not that. The last thing I want to do right now is go anywhere. I know you understand why. We've got so much riding on this label baby'

Silence.

'You don't want to go?'

'Of course I don't'

'But you love touring and singing'

'Yeah but as much as you seem to think otherwise, not as much as you...Music is just in me...You've got it in you too you know' Peyton strokes her cheek. 'Every time you sing I see your eyes light up and you feel alive in a way you can't really explain right?'

Sawyer doesn't answer.

'I want you to grow up not feeling like you've got to choose between music and the people you love. You can have both. You can be whatever you want, do whatever makes you happy. It's so important that you have hobbies and interests as well as people. You need that to make you feel good about yourself. If you ever decide to have kids that, that doesn't mean you can't still do all the things you're dreaming of, it never has to be a choice, you know what I'm saying?'

'If that's true why aren't I allowed to sing?'

'You are!'

'Not like you'

'Sawyer you're thirteen! You're not ready for a career!'

'I am too! You sung at stuff when you were my age-'

'And it was hard! I don't want that for you. I wasn't ready for all that. We've talked about this- right now you need to be a kid' She affectionately tucks a golden lock behind her daughter's ear. 'Look at your sister, she wasn't ready for this and she's older than you...My Mum and Dad did a lame job of protecting me. I won't let the same happen to you. It's my job to look after you and whether you like it or not I'm going to do that until my last breath, so right now you're going to have to face just being a kid'

'You don't know what it's like for me'

'I know this age sucks baby. I've been where you are. I've not forgotten what it's like to be thirteen. It can be confusing and shitty but you've got your whole life ahead of you! You've got so many exciting things ahead of you and I'm going to be here every step of the way. This isn't forever. This will be six months tops and it won't be like last time babe. I've already made Julian promise me that. This tour will run on my schedule which means it's being created around you and Indie. I'll be here all the time and you can skype me anytime, all the time...please just try and give this a chance before you're mad at me, hm?'

Sawyer sighs heavily but abruptly curls onto her side, edging closer to her Mother. 'Sing to me'

A small smile is quick to grace Peyton's lips at Sawyer's request because it's not a verbal ok but it's an ok nonetheless. She runs her fingers soothingly over Sawyer's forehead and begins to hum the lullaby she'd written long ago for her new baby that isn't a baby anymore. Only as the familiar tune sends the thirteen year old off to sleep, she can't help but be haunted by her own words. Because it was a lullaby for her little girl yes, but it was also about her little girl's father. It's about the father she wished Lucas Scott had been capable of being to his child. It's about a family she'd dreamed up at seventeen. A family she'd foreseen herself one day having with him. But dreams rarely worked out that way. Not in her world anyway.


	5. Tell me everything is gonna be ok

'You two are fighting about me aren't you?' Peyton deduces with a sigh as she sets her bag down on her best friend's kitchen island. She can't pretend she didn't just hear her friends screaming at each other.

'No, of course not'

Peyton's brow kinks. 'You're shit at lying B Baker'

'I am not!' Brooke pouts. Her husband's hasty departure upstairs can't be ignored.

'Yes, yes you are. I don't want you having a domestic because of me' She whines. 'You two are barely back from your honeymoon- you're not allowed to be arguing yet!'

'Well it's not your fault. I can't believe him!' She spouts in all of a second. 'After everything he knows he really thinks you working with _him_ is a good idea?'

'Julian is just doing his job B. It is a good idea. For the label it's our best option right now. It's just business'

'I don't care about the label, I care about you!'

'Well I care about the label' Peyton smiles wearily.

'Sorry. I..I know how important the label is to you and Julian and it's important to me too but this...' She scrapes her hand through her hair. 'This isn't a good idea Peyton'

'Yeah. Maybe not but' Peyton shrugs her shoulders. 'I have to be a grown up though. Cut Julian some slack. He's worked his ass off this week'

'Mm, worked his ass off at screwing my girl's life up...You're married'

Peyton's stare becomes icy in all of a second. 'What's that supposed to mean? You think I'd cheat on Jake?!'

'No... no of course not. That's not what I meant'

'Well what did you mean?!'

'Just it's...' She falters. 'Is Jake ok with this little reunion?'

Peyton doesn't answer.

'I'll take that as a no... I just... I've been there from the beginning. I know you. Lucas has this control over you'

'No he doesn't' Peyton snorts.

'Yes, he really does. He threw you down a flight of stairs, broke your arm and gave you a black eye and still you didn't press charges-'

'There never should have been any charges in the first place!' She growls. 'It wasn't like that! How many times do I have to say it was an accident? I don't want to talk about this with you'

'Well we're going to! I never say anything about this. Ever. It's one thing you being friends with him but working with him Peyton?! Really?!'

'You're being dramatic'

'When that psycho Felix hit me it was domestic abuse'

'Damn right it was! That bastard hit you because you talked to another guy B! Lucas never hit me! You weren't there. You didn't see what happened. I fell'

'Right and he had zero to do with it did he?' Brooke rolls her eyes.

'He was drunk. I shouldn't have engaged in a conversation with him whilst he was like that but I was hot headed and tired of him screwing up over and over again. Us having a tug of war over a bottle of whisky is what resulted in me going flying ok? I lost my balance. He didn't mean to do what he did. He didn't hit me, he didn't push me. He was just trying to get the damn bottle'

'That makes it okay?!' Brooke exclaims.

'No. It doesn't make it okay. But don't ever say he abused me because it wasn't fucking like that! I know you love me but it kills me anybody thinking about him like that. And he doesn't know! He doesn't fucking remember that night and I don't want him to so just...please...' A tear races free.

Brooke takes a shaky breath as she regards her distressed expression. 'Christ, you still love him...don't you?' She whispers.

Peyton promptly turns her back on her wide eyed friend. 'I'm married to Jake'

'Yes. You are' Brooke affirms with a nod. 'But that wasn't _no Brooke I don't love him_ ' She quietly points out.

Peyton wraps her hands around herself. 'We have a past Brooke, that's all'

'Yeah a past that's better off staying there'

'Just cause the song ended doesn't mean you just forget the tune'

Brooke closes her eyes despairingly because unlike her friends and husband that are encompassed in a very music centred world, she is not. It's not in her bones. Sure she enjoys it but she likes fashion a whole lot more.

'Why do you hate him so much?' Peyton wonders, misreading her friends inability to relate to her metaphor as dislike for the man in question. But she's not wrong in her assumption. Brooke can't disguise her animosity.

'Because! I've seen you cry one too many times because of Lucas Scott! I've watched him hurt you again and again. He abandoned you on stage in front of millions of people. He proposed to you and he couldn't even remember the next morning! He nearly killed Sawyer before she was even born! He is responsible for Keith being dead and that could have easily been you that night! If Keith hadn't stopped you getting in that fucking car...' She shakes her head, a lump forming in the back of her throat because when she considers that the girl before her could quite easily not be here anymore it makes her feel sick. 'It's like you block out all the painful things he did'

'You think I block that out?! I didn't block it out! I left him because of it! And he got better Brooke! He quit drinking. Maybe it was just me that made him like that!'

'Hell no. Is that what you think?! That you drove him to drink'

'Well he got it together when I left him'

'He got it together because of you. Because you made it clear you'd not be in his life in any shape or form if he carried on. You are not responsible for his drinking. You're responsible for keeping his head above fucking water. He's only here because of you. He owes you everything which is why it's beyond me, after all these years, that he can't just let you be fucking happy'

'I asked him to do this! He's doing this for me. You can't be mad at him for helping me out!'

'I'll never not be mad at him Peyton. Jake is who you're meant to be with. Jake has been the best father to your kids. Jake adores you and looks after you'

'I know. Which is why we're still married. We're strong enough to handle this'

Brooke exhales shakily because she knows she's not going to convince the blonde to put her foot down and refuse to do what Julian is asking of her. And she disagrees whole heartedly about this godforsaken arrangement, disagrees because she's not convinced her friends' relationship is strong enough to handle this.

'B I had Jake yelling at me last night and then Sawyer telling me I never fucking wanted her and it's only a matter of time before Indie is crying when she finds out I'm touring too...I just, I need you to tell me everything's ok right now. Not that I'm screwing everything up' Peyton begs.

Brooke regards her sympathetically. 'Oh honey, come here' The compassionate brunette hurries over to her then and takes her in a tight hug. 'I'm sorry' She hums. 'I'm sorry. Of course it'll be alright'

'Jenny is in such a bad way' The blonde's voice wobbles in her ear and Brooke slowly retreats, affectionately rubbing Peyton's arm. 'You should've see her Brooke...when I found her I, I thought she was dead, it, it was like when I found Luke that time' She chokes out. 'Why do people I love fucking do this?!'

'She'll be ok. Your Dad and Lucas turned it around. She will too'

'I don't want to go through this with her. I, I don't know if I can handle it, not again...Is it my fault? I feel like it's my fault'

'It's not your god damn fault P. Jesus I heard you telling Jake time and time again that you didn't think she was old enough for all this'

'But I still should've seen. I should've noticed. I didn't know! I should've known. I knew every time Dad went on a bender. I knew just by looking at Luke when he'd had a drink. I, I didn't know with Jenny'

'You were a kid wondering where your god damn Dad was- of course you were going to notice. And as for Lucas, you were in a relationship with him Peyt. You were with him all the time. Jenny hasn't been living with you for a year and she's been on the road for 6 months. You've not been with her, that's why you didn't notice'

'I just feel so helpless'

'I know you do honey but she's so loved and you've got her into the best place she can be right now'

'I know... I just, I think I need to keep busy. I can't not be busy right now'

Brooke nods. 'Just don't get confused with being busy and running away will you? Because this is all gonna be here when you get back, you can't hide from it'

'That's not what the tour is-'

'I know, I know. I'm just...what I'm trying to say is that I know this is going to bring up loads of emotions for you and you, you have a tendency to...'

'To what?'

'Shut down? Or shut everyone out. Don't do that Wolfie' She affectionately nicknames her. 'I need you. And you never know' She shrugs her shoulders. 'You working through some of that baggage you've got might do you some good, lord knows you've been carrying it around long enough'

'Are you suggesting I'm some troubled, tortured artist?' She frowns but there's a weak smile on her face.

'Didn't you know?' Brooke teases, trying to lighten the mood. 'You really had no hope. Your Dad's Mick Wolf, rock star. Your Mum abandoned you. What chance was there that you'd ever be normal?' Peyton prods her with her foot then. 'Too far?'

'No but you're in danger of getting a slap if you're not careful'

'I love you best friend' Brooke smiles sweetly.

'Mm, I love you too when you're not being a bitch'

'Me? A bitch? Never!' Brooke drawls devilishly.

Peyton watches her. Her mind successfully distracted from it's woes as she regards her friend.

'What? Have I got something on me?' Brooke self consciously touches her mouth under Peyton's scrutinising gaze.

'You're fine' Peyton smirks, ensuring her she's free of any imperfections. 'I was just wondering if you're ever going to tell me your big news?'

'What?'

'I told you. You're shit at lying B. I think now is as good as anytime. Especially as it's your job to try and cheer me up'

'What're you talking about?'

'Oh, I don't know. Just the little fact that you're a proper Baker now it would seem'

Brooke's left eyebrow kinks.

'Bun. In. The. Oven. Miss. Baker' Peyton accentuates her words as she sings gleefully at her flustered friend.

'What are you talking about?!'

'A) You weren't drinking last night. B) I overheard a certain phone call in which you told Milly you wouldn't be going on that trip to Italy in December. You might have mentioned how excited you are about going just a couple hundred times so I don't see you cancelling it for no good reason. C) You puked yesterday and you supposedly had a bug last week. Do I need to go on cause I can?'

Brooke's cheeks are hot under Peyton's interrogating stare.

'Wow, Brooke Davis, lost for words. This really is a first!' Peyton taunts wickedly.

'Oh for god sake. You're like a fucking ninja detective'

'I knew it!' The blonde shrieks.

'We're not telling people! I'm not even two months yet P'

'I'm not people, I don't count' She claps her hands together. Despite her suspicions she's still overwhelmed by her best friend's confirmation. 'You're pregnant?'

'I'm pregnant' Brooke bites her lip. Her smile a smile Peyton's not witnessed before. It's shy and overwhelmed. It's excitement and nerves.

'You're pregnant' Peyton's voice is thick with emotion as she lurches herself onto the coy brunette. 'I'm so, so happy for you B'

'Thanks Wolfie' Brooke clings onto her.

'How are you?' Peyton enquires when she eventually pulls back.

'Feeling like I'm going to throw up pretty much all the time but asides from that? Wonderful'

'Yeah, that can suck'

'You seemed like pregnancy was the best thing in the world when you were having Indie'

'Mm. I didn't seem to feel sick at all with her. Sawyer was a different story'

'Yeah. But that's probably just all the other shit you were dealing with at the time'

'You can't blame Lucas for my morning sickness B' Peyton laughs despite her friend's ridiculousness.

'I can try' Brooke smirks.

'Well you can't blame him for yours. Your poor husband will have to do'

'Mm. My poor husband better start listening to his baby Mumma before she kills him'

'Stress isn't good for you or the baby B. You have to chill'

'Yeah, well it's too late for that. Haven't you heard? Peyton Wolf is reuniting with Lucas Scott. It's going to be the tour of the century' She animatedly flails her hands around. 'Everyone's going to be talking about it'

'Well they've got it covered then. You needn't worry yourself about it' Peyton firmly announces. 'Come, come sit on a comfy sofa. I wanna talk baby names' She assertively clutches Brooke's hand and drags her over to the living area. 'You know what name I've been loving lately- Sparrow. What do you think?'

Brooke looks at her in disbelief. 'Lets get something straight. My kid isn't going to have one of your cool, hipster names'

'What?' Peyton laughs. 'Sawyer was named after Larry and Anna, you know that. And Indie-'

'Was conceived in India. Yeah I know' Brooke cuts her off.

'I don't think anyone would label them as hipster names and Sparrow is a bird, it's a nature name'

'Yeah but you've gotta be well...you to carry that off'

'Oh really? And why's that?'

'Cause you're like...'

'Oh so cool?' Peyton proposes. 'And it's a cool name'

'Sure if that's what you want to call it. I'm thinking something more preppy though'

'Like Davis?' Peyton rolls her eyes knowingly.

'Exactly!'

'Of course you're going to be one of those people that uses their own freaking surname to name their kid'

'And what's wrong with that? I think it's cute. Me and Julian. Davis Baker'

Peyton shakes her head. 'Sappy but undoubtably cute' She resolves.

'We don't all have people that saved our lives or stories about how our kid was conceived for inspiration P'

'You can always call them Peyton' She jokes.

'I think there's only room for one Peyton around here'

'Oh yeah? I'd happily share it with this one' She rests her hand on Brooke's flat stomach. 'Davis Baker does have a nice ring to it though. I wonder if it'll be a boy or a girl. Do you mind?'

'No. Not at all. What's that face- are you getting broody Mrs Jagielski?'

Peyton's hand slips back into her own lap as she shakes her head. 'Hell no. I can barely cope with the two I've got thanks'

'You know Jake wants another. Get pregnant now P, then we can do this together and they can be best friends and get married and then we'll be in laws!' Brooke gleefully decides.

'Babe that's so not happening'

'Why not?! Indie will love it!'

'Well her Mumma wouldn't'

'Jake will wear you down, you know he's going to start nagging you again as soon as I start showing'

Peyton's face screws up. 'You don't get to collude with him Brooke' She wags her finger.

'I don't know what the big deal is. You've got two that you adore, what's adding one more?'

'Can we drop it?'

'Sorry' Brooke holds her hands up. 'I didn't know you felt so strongly about it'

'I just. Sawyer and Indie weren't exactly planned...I just always imagined..'

'What?'

'Nothing, nothing' She smiles brightly. 'Why're we talking about me again?! Tell me your due date' She shifts the focus back to her best friend. Because they've talked about Lucas Scott far too much already today. But the trouble is every subject seems to wind back at Lucas Scott. Just as the topic of children does. Because she once visualised her children with blonde curls. Sawyer was that. She'd been so fair at five that her hair had been almost white. Indie was more like her Dad. Her locks had been strawberry blonde when she'd been a toddler but her hair was darker now, her eyes brown. She was beautiful and all her Daddy. But despite being married to Jake, despite having his child, Peyton still visualised blonde, blue eyed children when the topic of more children ever arose. A forbidden pipe dream. An unspeakable musing. But as detestable as it was, as much as she banished such imaginings, it was a dream that would seemingly never die.

 **A/N Thank you to those of you that have left such kind reviews- I'm glad you're enjoying so far- this is something I've been working on for a good while so it's nice to be sharing it! :)**


	6. Muffled Silence

'Dad what're you doing here?' Peyton sighs. She's stressed out. 'I'm kind of crammed- did we say we'd do lunch or something? Can I rain check?' She rambles as she rifles through the papers on her desk.

'I dropped by the house earlier...Jake told me about Jen- why didn't you call me?'

She huffs, giving up on her search and looking up at her father. 'I'm sorry. I've kind of been a little distracted'

'I see that kid like one of my grandchildren'

'I know, I know' She nods. 'I'm sorry Dad. I should've called. I just, I've been processing it myself and well, talking about it makes it real doesn't it?' She confides.

'Come're' He moves toward her to embrace her but her arms flap and she hastily marches away. She can't do this right now and hugs and soothing words are just going to break her tough facade.

'I can't do this right now Dad. I'm meant to be in the studio. I'm just looking for-' Her frowning face is quick to morph into jubilation. 'Got ya' She grabs an abandoned diary sitting on top of a pile of records.

'It's beyond me how you're a 21st century kid and you still put everything down on paper- your life would be so much easier if you just wrote stuff on your macbook'

'Eurgh. Pen and paper worked just fine for Shakespeare father'

He follows her as she vacates her office.

'Is there anything I can do to help? I can imagine this has caused chaos here'

'I think me and Julian are on top of everything, thanks though' She dismisses, her tone a little haughty as it always is when it comes to her father trying to assist her in anyway.

She pushes open the door to the recording studio booth. Diary found. Now where did she leave her phone?

'What's he doing here?'

Peyton startles, her head jerking up to see who the older man is referring to.

Lucas Scott is sat on the other side of the glass window, guitar in hand.

'Of course he's on time for the first time in his life' Her grumble contradicts the smile and welcoming wave she offers him. She reaches out and presses a red button on the console before them, summoning a red light to come on. 'Hey Luke. I'll be two secs'

'Sure, no hurry. Hey Mick'

She glances to her father and quickly releases the button before he responds in what she's sure will be a snarky answer to Lucas' greeting.

'Why's he here?' Mick grunts again.

Her eyes flit back to the distinguished light on the system before her, double checking Lucas can no longer hear their conversation.

'Dad' She sighs because defending Lucas Scott is like a full time job. 'Why can't you just force a smile and say hi? Can you please just be civil'

'Civil? To the man that nearly killed you' Mick shakes his head. 'I don't think so'

'He didn't nearly kill me'

Mick glares through the clear window prompting Lucas to wave back with an overly friendly smile that has Peyton despairingly looking away because now he's merely provoking the already riled man beside her. She knows Lucas isn't stupid, knows that not being able to hear them doesn't mean he can't figure out what the subject of their conversation is.

'If you're thinking of signing him it's not happening' Mick growls, wildly spinning away from the window and back to his daughter.

'Not that you have a say father but Luke will always be welcome at this label. But he's never been interested in signing as a solo artist'

'No because that would mean he couldn't keep stalking you wouldn't it?'

'You're going to have to learn to be nice because we're doing some work together'

'Is he ever going to tire of leeching off of you?'

'Leeching? Leeching is what I'd describe as your sweet girlfriend; somebody who has zero aspirations. Someone who is happy to let her boyfriend finance her lavish style without lifting a single finger. That's not Lucas' She scathingly remarks.

'Be nice sweetheart, Bevin is a doll'

'Yes a complete airhead' Peyton mutters under her breath.

'What is this oh so important work that only Lucas Scott is capable of fulfilling?'

'Like you assumed' She tersely begins 'Jenny being in rehab has caused some issues. Its been decided I'm going to tour...with Luke'

'What?'

'You heard'

'Peyton-'

'Dad I'm a big girl and quite frankly your aversion to Lucas is nothing but hypocritical. Your dislike for him is purely because of his relationship with drink and you're not exactly one to judge when it comes to that are you?'

'You think I wanted you to end up with a man like me Peyton? It's because of my problems that I tried to steer you away from him. I didn't want for you what I put your mother through! But you didn't listen to me!-'

'No? I'm married to Jake aren't I? Lucas and I haven't been romantically involved for the last thirteen years so you can cut the protective father bullshit. We're friends and we're working together. End of'

'I can't let go of the fact that I nearly had to attend your funeral! Because of him!'

'You're being ridiculous'

'I don't think I am. Imagine Sawyer coming home with a black eye, how would you feel about the man responsible?'

She cringes as she imagines any harm coming to her baby. Knows she'd find it hard to forgive anyone that ever hurt a hair on her child's head. But this is different. This is completely different because they're talking about Lucas and Lucas never hurt her. Not on purpose.

'Lucas never hurt me. I'm not having this argument with you. I'm sorry that you don't like us working together. I appreciate that you don't approve but this is what's best for the label and I'd really appreciate it if you could be professional and put your feelings to one side and if you can't do that, perhaps just avoid dropping by here and come to the house instead' She suggests.

'Peyton-'

'No Dad! I love that you care, really I do but this, this performance-'

'Performance?!' He cuts in. 'Peyton you're my daughter- this isn't an act. I care about your well being!'

She takes a shaky breath and nods. 'I...I know. I know but it feels like a performance to me! I can't help it! You weren't fucking there when I had sleazy music producers touching me up at seventeen and now that I'm an adult and can look after myself you decide to step up' She admits the reasoning behind her difficulty to accept his paternal nature that developed a little later than the average father. 'It's too late! I can take care of myself and Lucas is the last person I need your protection from! He saved me long before you ever tried so just, just please. Thank you but...but no thank you'

'What're you talking about?' Mick grinds out.

She's quick to realise her mistake. She's divulged more than she meant to in her babbled speech. 'Nothing. Forget it'

'Who?!' He barks.

She jumps. 'It doesn't matter. I didn't mean to tell you that. I just, I need you to understand that I don't need you telling me what's best for me Dad. Not anymore'

'I heard' He nods but his murderous expression doesn't elevate her unease. 'Who. Touched. You?'

'It was forever ago. It doesn't-'

'It matters. Tell me'

'Nothing happened. Luke stopped it if you really must know. He stopped it all. So, so next time you want to start telling me that he's no good think about the fact that he saved your daughter from going through that ordeal' She bleakly advises. 'I've got a lot of work to be doing. Maybe we can have dinner at the weekend? The girls always like it when you come for Sunday lunch' She paints on a smile and changes the conversation, trying her hardest to block out her father's dismayed expression. 'It'd be a good distraction for them- they're cut up about Jenny too'

He swallows audibly. Pauses. 'O-okay then' He nods eventually. 'Okay. Yes. That'll be nice. I, I'll do that'

She opens and closes her mouth. Her feet do a dance. Step forward. Step back. Affection when it comes to the man before her isn't something that comes naturally to her. She'd spent her whole youth wanting his undivided attention and now that she has it she finds it hard to accept.

He reaches for something on the ledge of the window and extends it to her. 'I feel like you might have been looking for this?' He's located her phone and she somehow both loves and hates that he knows she was looking for the irritating item without her saying so.

'Yeah. Thank you'

She follows him out of the small room with her found possessions.

'I'll see you later then?' He pauses before the adjacent door he knows she's about to head through.

'Yeah' She forces a tight smile that is quick to fade when he opens the door for her, peering his head into the studio.

'If you so much as step a foot out of line'

She rolls her eyes at his warning to Lucas, who doesn't have time to answer because her father kisses her cheek and is gone in all of an instant.

She walks further into the studio and shuts the door.

'Well, Mr Wolf is as delightful as ever I see' Lucas drones.

'Mm, you know Daddy'

'He's never all that pleased to see me is he?'

'You don't help yourself do you?'

'I thought I was perfectly pleasant'

'Mm. Maybe tone it down a bit in future' She smiles insincerely in imitation of his earlier grinning in hello to her father.

'Noted...I didn't think all this would cause this much of a stir...' She doesn't answer. He watches her flap about with deciding where she's going to sit. Notes how some things don't change; she never was any good at making decisions about the simplest of things. But the big things, things like marriage, she said "yes" in all of a heart beat. 'Julian issued me with my very own manual on "Acceptable behaviour around Peyton Wolf" today. Anyone would think we'd had an affair or something' He murmurs, the smirk on his face is one she's eager to slap away.

She knows its only a matter of time before there are headlines about them collaborating again, with many not so subtle suggestions that their relationship is more than just work. It's inevitable given their history. But him adding fuel to the fire isn't welcome.

'Hey, I'm only teasing. What's wrong?'

'Nothing' She finally sits down.

'Nothing? Come on Peyt. I know when you're upset'

'Do you?' She glares at him because she's sure if he knew that he'd work a little harder at not being so cantankerous around her or her father so she didn't get upset in the first place.

'Yes' He answers steadily. 'And I'm thinking it's me' He hazards a guess. At least he wasn't completely clueless. 'What have I done? I smiled too much at your Dad- if that's it, I'm really sorry. I'll endeavour to be less happy' He nods his head affirmatively, a bemused smile on his lips. She's not amused. 'Seriously, what is it?'

'Nothing!' She exclaims. 'Nothing' She repeats a little more evenly. 'Everyone, everyone is just driving me crazy, telling me us working together is the worst idea' She admits the true reason behind her stress.

He swallows thickly.

'So please...please don't try and make my life ten times more difficult that it already is right now Luke' She begs. 'Jake's pissed about this. My kids are pissed about this. Brooke is more pissed about this than anyone. And as you just saw Daddy dearest isn't over the moon either' She rants. 'So the last thing I need is for you to work your ass off to make it even harder. Just please. Can we rehearse this shit and work out what we're doing. Please'

He nods. Is stunned into silence.

She taps her pencil as she reads over the song list before her.

'What have I done to upset Sawyer and Indie?' He murmurs eventually, his voice hurt.

She sighs and looks at him. 'You haven't' She wearily expels. 'You haven't. It's just me going away touring isn't something they're keen on. When I did it a couple of years ago it was too much. I didn't see them enough and I promised them never again'

'It's not going to be like that this time'

'I know. They'll be ok, they just need a little while to warm up to the idea...so what shall we end the set with?' She attempts to focus them on the task at hand.

'Muffled silence' He answers easily.

'No...' She wants to avoid that one at all costs.

'Come on, you know that's the right choice'

'No, no it's too slow' She declines.

'You're being ridiculous. And Julian gave me the patronising talking to about being professional! How're we going to do this if you're not going to be prepared to sing any of the damn songs'

'I don't care about any of the others jackass. Just that one. You know why'

'No. I don't. It's a fucking good song. I still mean every word of it. I know you don't but you managed to fake it back then so why is that so hard now?' He grumbles.

Her chair screeches as she pushes it back. 'I never faked anything with you Luke! Don't you dare fucking accuse me of that!' She hisses, her hand jabbing through the air wildly.

He jumps notably, taken aback by her outburst because he knows her. Knows that it usually takes a lot more for her to completely loose her rag.

He blinks, watches her indecisively twirl around before him as she tries to control her emotions. But her resilience falters. She feels like she's been criticised and quarrelling with every important person in her life for the last few days and this is seemingly the last straw.

The last thing she wants to do is cry in front of him but her tears are determined.

'Peyton-'

She shakes her head, enraged further by her inability to keep it together 'For god sake' she mutters.

'I'm-'

'I need a min..' she trails off, she knows trying to finish her sentence is going to result in a sob passing her lips and that isn't an option. He watches her storm out and he thinks he's screwed this up before it's even began because they've only been in the room alone together for twenty minutes and she's running away. Perhaps he should be use to her fleeing by now. After all, there'd been more than a few times that she'd left him. To tour. In rehab. For Jake. Her previous departures make little difference though; it still stings as much in this very moment as it had that first time.


	7. Just say you need me

'I bumped into your Mum the other day. She said she's not seen you in a couple of weeks'

Lucas sighs, he's already regretting this visit and he's not even been here five minutes. He looks at the older man that is sat up on the porch.

'Anything to do with the fact Keith's anniversary is coming up?'

'I'm not about to make things harder for her at this time of year Whitey' Lucas scuffs his foot on the ground.

'Her son going MIA is hardly what I'd define as making things easier'

'Yeah? Well I think she'd disagree with you there'

'That's ridiculous. I know she worries even more about you when you disappear on her Luke'

'You don't know what it's like. She still can't even look at me sometimes. I get it I do, I destroyed her world and I know I'm a painful reminder of it all'

'She needs your support. She's long forgiven you and the part you played in that night. It was an accident-'

'That I made happen. That never would have happened if it weren't for me. Just because I didn't mean for it to happen doesn't make it any better. My actions killed him. I was drinking. I made the decision to drink and drive and he was trying to stop me...'

'I think perhaps you avoiding her every year over these few weeks boils down to the fact that you've not forgiven yourself'

'Forgiven myself?! I killed my uncle Whitey! He'd still be here right now if it weren't for me. I'll never fucking forgive myself for that. My kid sister has grown up without her dad. She hates me'

'Yes you prevented her from getting to know her father but you're also her brother. She loves you. But how could she not begrudge you for staying away and putting everything on her shoulders every anniversary. She's at college now. She's got her studies. She could really do with you stepping up and-'

'I'll go round and visit my Mum okay?!' Lucas cuts him off harshly to end this lecture. 'Sorry' He breathes all of a second later. 'I'm sorry...you're right. I know you're right I just...'

'It's hard?' Whitey supplies. 'It's always going to be hard but shutting your family out isn't going to make it disappear. Talk to you Mum. Tell her how you're feeling. You might be surprised at how much better you both feel after'

Lucas exhales heavily because he has a hunch this delightful conversation isn't over yet because that was far too easy. It's never that easy to put an end to this caring mentor's lectures. 'Now, lets get to the main reason I invited you round' Whitey hums, confirming Lucas' suspicions.

'How did I know there was more?' He leans on the post of the rickety porch.

'I saw Haley' And there it was. 'She mentioned a certain tour that you're apparently doing. I have to say, it came as quite a shock to find she wasn't talking about her own tour'

Lucas scrapes his hand through his hair. 'I was going to tell you' He feels like a child that's being reprimanded. He is being reprimanded.

Whitey nods in a familiar way. It's somehow forgiving and judging all at once. It automatically makes Lucas feel like he's on trial.

'Son be honest with yourself, why've you agreed to this?' Whitey eventually asks.

Lucas looks up at the sky. Pauses. His answer is simple. 'She asked me to'

'As did Haley but letting her down doesn't seem to bother you'

Lucas rolls his eyes. 'I didn't let her down. And I'm certain I'm the last person she wants to be around right now anyway. She's got a billion of other people that can do that gig'

'And Peyton hasn't?'

He turns his back to the probing man and sits down on the porch steps. 'No one can tour _our_ album but us' He grudgingly answers.

'No, I suppose you're right about that. But I'm sure there'd be another way around all this. Her father is Mick Wolf. She's Peyton Wolf. If any two people in this world could pull some strings I'd say it's them' Whitey diplomatically points out.

'Peyton Wolf doesn't ask for favours'

'No? What do you call what she's asking of you then?'

'That's different'

'Why?' Whitey grunts as he sinks down to perch beside his more sprightly companion.

'We're friends'

'Is that what you're calling it these days?'

'What is it with everyone having something to say about our relationship'

'I'm not everyone Luke'

'No, but you sure do have enough freaking opinions'

'As your sponsor it's my job to have opinions on all things you'

'Is it? I thought it was to support me'

'Giving you an alternative perspective isn't doing that?'

'Well can you cut to the freaking chase instead of these lengthy, drawn out interrogations you like to give'

Whitey smiles. 'You know what I'm going to say already. You're messing with your steps. You're making brash decisions'

'Hardly' He snorts.

'No? Luke you told me last weekend at our meeting that you'd decided on going on tour with Haley. It's been five days and in that time you've committed to touring with Peyton and I can only assume you've been alone with her on a handful of occasions. You usually call when you're reconsidering a plan'

Lucas sighs. 'I know, I know. But she needed to know, there wasn't time to-'

'To make a ten minute call in the last five days?'

'You're not a parole officer Whitey'

'No' He smiles. 'I'm just a concerned friend. Peyton makes you vulnerable Luke'

'You know how I feel about her'

'Exactly. You're liable to be impulsive' Lucas is silent. 'You know I love her' Whitey hums.

'Yeah, well for someone that loves her you put a lot of time into telling me she's dangerous to be around. She was never the problem. I was the problem. I had the problem, not her'

'Son, if one day you two come together I will be beyond happy. Trust me. I'm just about you both finding that in a truthful and honest way. There's a lot of hurt wrapped up in your relationship that neither one of you have addressed. Plus there's the little matter of her being married with children. You're not kids anymore. It's a whole lot bigger than the both of you'

'I know all that'

'Why say yes then?'

'She needs me!'

'Ah, she needs you' Whitey nods compassionately. 'It's been a long time since she's really needed you hasn't it?' Lucas becomes silent, the older man's words making him antsy. 'If you're really going to do this I think we should go over some of the finer details' He resolves.

'That's not necessary-'

'Isn't it? This record means a great deal to you. It was at the pinnacle of your career but also at the height of your struggle with this god damn disease' Whitey reiterates.

'I'm in control now. Maybe I get a do over at this tour and-'

'We're never in control of this disease son' Whitey cuts him off 'You know that. Managing it and controlling it are two different things entirely. You two singing these songs together, working together in this way is going to bring up a lot of raw emotions'

'We can both be professional'

'So your meetings and rehearsals have been going well this last week then have they?' Lucas scowls at the wise man and wishes for just one god damn second he wasn't like the freaking oracle. 'No?'

'It's going fine. Is it going to be plain sailing? No. Of course not. We've always had differing opinions when it comes to certain things but it always makes for a damn good song'

'Mm. So you've had disputes about certain things already?'

'These first couple of weeks are bound to be that way. She's got a hell of a lot on her plate right now and none of her family or friends are supportive of this decision- she's on edge'

'Jake and Mick weren't all that pleased to know of you collaborating again then?'

'Everyone is acting like we've not worked together for the last thirteen years. I don't get what the big deal is. We've been on the same stage together a hell of a lot'

'You might've played lead guitar for her on a number of occasions but you've not sang together. I'm sure if you were in Jake's shoes you'd not be thrilled by this arrangement'

Lucas bites his tongue. Stops himself from blurting out words he knows he'll later regret. Not speaking when it comes to Jake Jagielski is always a good shout.

'It's quite a big thing you singing in fact, you will be singing right?'

'Touring an album that I sang on without me singing would be kind of hard Whitey' He drones.

'Quite right' The older man agrees. 'You've not done that in a while mind'

'I gig Ravens songs all the time at Tric' Lucas argues. 'You're there every week- am I that awful that you block it out?' He jests.

'Okay, let me rephrase that- you play intimate gigs. I meant on a larger scale. You know Haley and I have spent years encouraging you to return your focus to a solo career again. You write songs for other people. Never yourself. You play lead guitar for anyone that'll have you but you're far more than just a guitar player- don't get me wrong- you're a bloody great one at that but you're the full package, you're more than that one album Lucas'

'No' he disagrees. 'We were great together. Peyton is what made the songs damn good'

'You're wrong about that son. You two coming together is like pure magic, there's no denying that but you can both hold a stage without each other. Hell you did it without her for several years before you did this album'

'You know I don't care about all that, about the fame thing or being recognised musically. I just care about the music, how it makes me feel and doing that with her is...it's unexplainable. I've never liked the idea of returning to that without her'

'But you're not returning to it with her in the same way Lucas. You're not-'

'Together. I know' He grinds.

'I just don't want you getting carried away and thinking this is something it's not. She needs your help and you're perhaps mistaking that for her needing you-'

'I don't need you to clarify what this is Whitey. I'm not stupid. I know after this she goes home to another man. I know that'

'And children' Whitey adds.

'Yes...Maybe this is what I need. Maybe you're all wrong. Maybe everyone will finally get what they've been wishing for; I never got any closure. Maybe this will give me that and I, I'll finally be able to...let her go.'

Whitey tilts his head to regard the younger man's pained expression. He's uncertain whether Lucas' words are just words he thinks his sponsor wants to hear or if they come from an honest, defeated place. Either way some might say it's the most sense the musician has made in recent years, after all, over a decade of not moving on is a long time. But Whitey has been around longer than the tortured artist before him. Long enough to know that when you find the one there is no moving on.


	8. Persistence

'Lucas...I, you're here'

'Hey Mum' He sheepishly answers. He doesn't know how to read her shocked expression. 'I can go if-'

'No, no! I was just surprised to- you don't usually come today- come in, come in' She babbles, frantically pulling the door back with a teary smile. 'I'm so glad you're here Luke'

Her evident emotion has a lump forming in the back of his throat that he quickly swallows.

She hugs him awkwardly and then ushers him through into the kitchen before he makes a getaway.

He comes to a jarring halt as he rounds the corner into the familiar room that usually summons memories of a carefree childhood. Not today. Because Peyton Wolf isn't usually stood in his mother's home.

'Luke. Hi' It's more than ridiculous how her body clams up because they were alone together in the studio not even eighteen hours ago. But eighteen hours ago they weren't here and eighteen hours ago it wasn't the anniversary of Keith's death.

Things have been more amicable after that initial studio session. After a talking to from Julian Lucas has done what he always does when it comes to Peyton Wolf; what he's told. He's yielded to letting her call the shots when it comes to musical decisions. He realises that it's essential if he wants this tour to go ahead because debating such things ends in them conversing about their past and they're both pros at avoiding that.

Lucas isn't the only one that Julian has given a stern talking to though. He'd told Peyton that she can't disregard every song on the album that had once openly declared her love for Lucas Scott because they're going to run out of numbers pretty quickly if she does. He'd told her it's just words. That it doesn't matter that they're not in love anymore. Told her to sing it about someone else she can relate to.

She'd nodded her head, refrained from telling him that that wasn't the fucking problem. Writing Ravens had been the easiest thing she's ever made and not that she'd ever say it out loud but she knows it's the best too. They'd collaborated in a way that she's never been able to achieve with anyone else. Including her husband. Lucas always knew what she was trying to say and she'd always been able to finish the melody he wrote. And it's why they've never done it again since. Because leaving Lucas Scott meant leaving him artistically too. She could be his friend but she'd never invited him to join her in the making process of any of her following albums. Wouldn't. Couldn't. Because she'd never been able to separate their romantic and artistic relationship. The two were intertwined and she can feel it now. Has been feeling that electric connection flooding her senses for days as she's been forced to listen to their record again. A record she's avoided listening to since the day she ended their relationship.

Lucas is lost for words by her presence and his lack of greeting has her deciding she should go. 'I should-'

'No you don't' Karen shakes her head wildly, foreseeing Peyton's departure. 'You just got here. Sit, sit. I'm making tea for us all'

'Thanks Karen but there's a load of-'

'Lily will be here shortly- you know how besotted she is with you. She'll be crushed if you're gone before she gets here'

'Stay' Lucas nods his head and pulls himself out a seat at the table.

Her eyes watch him warily for a moment before she lowers herself back into her chair. She wants to convey to him somehow that she'd never have come had she known he'd intended to too...it's just, well, he'd never done so any previous year, not on today.

'Peyton has just been telling me all about the tour. You didn't tell me!' Karen sends him a glare.

'Sorry Mum'

'I expect you've had a lot on your mind, this last week' She rabbits on, saving him searching for an excuse. 'I couldn't be more over the moon. The two of you on stage together again' Her excitement at the prospect is unavoidable. 'Every time Luke plays at Tric I think how lovely it would be for you to be there too honey'

Peyton's green eyes dart from the speaking woman back to Lucas. 'You play at Tric'

He shrugs his shoulders and sends his mother a look because he knows she knew the girl before him didn't know about his little appearances at the venue where they'd first played together. 'Just every now and again'

'Every second Friday of the month' Karen blabs. 'You should come next time sweetie. The songs aren't the same without you'

'You play Ravens' Peyton concludes.

'They're crowd pleasers' Lucas mutters, avoiding her curious stare. 'Do you mind?' He thinks she shouldn't. She has no right. The album is as much his as hers.

'Of course not' Lie. She minds. Minds a whole lot because she's never been able to sing those freaking songs, wouldn't dare without him and she doesn't know how he can without her.

'So Mum' He eagerly changes the subject. 'Is Lil driving back from college today or-'

'She got home last night. She's just gone down to see Keith's grave. She always likes to go by herself first thing'

Lucas swallows. 'What...what about you? Do, do you go?'

'Yes, I'll go a bit later. You can come with me if you'd like?'

'You'd like that?' He doubtfully asks.

'I'd really like that' Karen's head bobs enthusiastically.

Peyton watches Lucas. Wants to reach out and hold his hand. Her surprise at seeing him here has worn off and instead it's replaced with awe because she's sort of proud that he's come here today. Knows how difficult it is. Hell, it's an ordeal for her so she can only imagine how hard it is for him.

'Ok then. I'd like that too' He agrees.

The sound of a vehicle pulling into the drive has Karen's teary eyes fluttering away to peer out the window. 'That's Lil, I er, I think I'll just go have a word with her before she comes in here and gets overwhelmed' The knowing woman hurries to the back door to intercept the teenager before she runs into their guests. Or more specifically Lucas.

He sighs as the back door shuts, his eyes following his mother.

Peyton opens and closes her mouth. 'I'm sorry. I'd never have-I didn't know you'd be here Luke' She settles on.

Her words distract him from the anticipated arrival of his sister. He shakes his head. Squints at her inquisitively. 'Do you...come here a lot? To see Mum I mean?'

'Not as much as I'd like, I try to pop in every now and again' She admits.

This is news to him. '...I didn't know'

'Is it a problem?' She wonders, her tone a little defensive. 'Your Mum was always there for me Luke, lord knows more than my own, I..I know it's probably not conventional to communicate with your ex's family but I couldn't just completely cut her out of my life when we ended could I?' She discloses.

'Like you did me?' He blurts before his brain has time to cease his traitor mouth's unconsidered words.

Her brow raises and he knows that look. Knows he's pissed her off. Knows her next words are restrained and would perhaps be less controlled were they not in his mother's house in potential earshot of his family. 'Don't you dare... I cut you out of my life? Really?' He instantly regrets the accusation because it's not true. She's right. But it had felt like that. When she'd said I do to Jake that's exactly what it had felt like. 'You know what, don't answer that. I'm not going to argue with you here, today of all days' She decides, her eyes flickering to the window to see if Karen and Lily were any closer to appearing. From her spying she can tell that they seem to be having their own heated conversation.

'I'm sorry' He resolves. 'Really Peyt' His instant apology has her stare swivelling back to him because he wasn't one to dish those out. Not when it came to them and this subject. 'I know you didn't...I'm a little on edge. I know Lil isn't going to be happy I'm here today' He discloses.

Her fierce expression softens. She exhales heavily 'Probably not, but your Mum is over the moon. Lily will come round'

'Yeah? I'm not so sure about that'

'She's a teenager Luke. Her emotions are all over the shot as it is. Christ can you remember me at that age? I wasn't very good at being understanding or compassionate'

'That's not how I remember you'

'No?'

'No..you were sassy and hot headed sure, but I could always get you to listen to me'

'Yeah but you were always persistent, not many people would have put up with me' He snorts at that because it's funny. 'What?'

'You were so hot Peyt. Plus a world class artist. Every guy wanted you'

'Was?' She wonders, her brow furrowed. She likes to think she hasn't changed that much since her teenage years. Her cheeks have lost their baby face roundness, her cheekbones more chiseled. She knows she shouldn't care what he thinks but she does. She so does.

'Do you really want me to answer that?' He wonders. 'Because I'm pretty sure you'll tell me I'm being inappropriate'

His words are enough to convince her that he still thinks she's attractive and she knows by that look he's suddenly giving her that she's just taken them into a dangerous territory. She was meant to be reassuring him about his sister's aversion to her big brother but somehow they've gotten completely off track.

She hastily looks down to avoid his intense stare. 'You were persistent with me whenever I was upset about anything. Be persistent with Lily Luke' She softly advises.

'It's not really the same is it?' He cringes slightly because he doesn't think he can compare Peyton Wolf to his kid sister.

'No. I guess not but I know you backing off and doing things on her terms isn't going to bring you any closer'

He doesn't get a chance to respond because the back door opening interrupts them and suddenly the girl in question is before them, followed by a flushed Karen.

The teenager is notably harassed but she forces a smile and Peyton does what she always does and ignores the eighteen year old's wide eyes and rosy cheeks that are similar to those of many an excitable fan.

'Lily' She's on her feet and embraces the shy girl tightly. 'Hey you. God every time I see you, you look even more grown up' she complains.

Lily smiles bashfully as Peyton withdraws.

'Tell me about it' Karen huffs. 'My baby isn't a baby anymore'

Peyton can relate to the older mother's distress because her own daughters were babies five seconds ago and she doesn't know where that time has gone 'How're you liking college Lil?' She enquires.

'Yeah. It's good' The teen finally finds her voice. She self consciously tucks her long brown hair behind her ear.

'Yeah? Come tell us everything' Peyton urges but Lily's initial enthusiasm at seeing the blonde wanes as she regards Lucas. Her face suddenly stoney.

'Actually I..I'm just going to go and change-'

'Lily' Karen begins. 'Honey come on-'

'No Mum. I just can't do this right this second' She mutters and hastily retreats from the kitchen.

'I shouldn't have come' Lucas sighs.

'No honey' Karen flaps before him. 'I'm so happy you're here. Please don't go. She just needs a minute, that's all'

'Why don't I talk to her?' Peyton proposes and rises to her feet.

'Peyton' Lucas shakes his head because he doesn't want her trying to help him with this. Lily isn't her problem. Only he's wrong because even though they've been apart longer than they were ever together she still wants to save him, help him.

'It's fine. Be with your Mum' It's a soft plea because despite mother and son having been on speaking terms for some good years now, their relationship is still fractured by the loss of Keith. Still has so much healing and it was Peyton that helped build those bridges in the first place and she'll always endeavour to ensure they don't stumble off course again because she knows how much they need each other. Knows what it feels like to loose a parent. To feel that rejection. He lost Keith. She won't let him loose Karen or Lily too.


	9. Don't ruin what's left of his world

'Knock, knock' Peyton hums as she lets herself into Lily's room with an expertise that comes with being a parent to a thirteen year old. 'Can I come in babe?'

Lily is sat curled on her bed. She sits up a little straighter and nods nervously.

'Your room has changed since I was last in it' Peyton notes. 'No more unicorns'

Lily laughs. 'There's not been any of those in a while'

'No, I expect not' She kinda wants to cry at that. It emphasises the time past. The time lost. Her eyes scan a poster of Haley James on the wall. 'Hales and not me? That hurts Lil'

Lily's cheeks become hot. 'There was one of you but I took it with me to college to put on my dorm wall' She confesses hurriedly.

'I was teasing honey'

'I know but I do have yours on my wall at college'

Peyton eyes her, entertained because her own daughter's don't share Lily's enthusiasm over her career. 'Yeah? the Ravens poster?' She assumes.

'No. Hoes over Bros'

Peyton smiles because her choice of album is fitting considering it was the first album Peyton made after splitting with Lucas. It holds a lot anger and resentment, much like the eighteen year old before her clearly has. 'You know Brooke Davis?'

'Your best friend? The owner of Clothes over Bros?'

'That's right. Hoes over Bros is something we always said in school so thats where the title came from. A little tit bit of inside secrets for you there'

Lily relishes in Peyton's divulging. 'That's pretty cool'

'She thinks so and also thinks it means it's her album' Peyton laughs. 'So if you ever want to get on her good side you now how to talk her up... Wow' Peyton stops her surveying of the teens room and admires the slightly scuffed up guitar in the corner.

'That was Dad's'

'Oh I know. I've not seen this bad boy in too long' Peyton trails her hand over the familiar instrument. 'Do you play it?'

'Kinda. Not really. Not like you'

'Honey I can't freaking play a guitar to save my life' Peyton snorts. 'I always left that to your brother...Do you remember your Dad playing?'

'Mm. He use to play me to sleep'

'I bet he did' Peyton smiles. 'Lily Scott do you know what I woulda given to have that live performance every night' Peyton shakes her head and sits down on the bed, guitar in toe. 'Your Dad could really play'

'Mum always says he coulda been great but he wasn't interested in any of that'

'He was great. I count my lucky stars that I was someone that got to witness his talent. So should you. He didn't share it with many people so it made it all the more special..I know you were little but I guarantee you woulda had the most special performances, all his best songs were written about you and your Mum and Luke'

Lily's jitters at being around the famous Peyton Wolf abate a little, her irritation instead taking hold at the mention of her brother again.

Peyton ignores her disgruntled expression. 'Here. Play me something?' She extends the instrument to the teen.

'Oh no' Lily frantically shakes her head. Her nerves swiftly returning. 'I really can't. I'm not interested in any of that anyway'

'Music?'

'Oh no, I- that-I love you- music, I mean your-all-not all-I love music just not-I don't want to be like Luke' she rambles nonsensically.

Peyton nods slowly, overlooking the eighteen year old's flustered babbling. 'Honey you're Lily Scott. Music is in your bones. I'm not saying you need to have a career in it. But you playing your Dad's guitar can only be a beautiful thing'

'You've not heard me play it' Lily snickers with a small smile. 'I'm not good like Dad or Luke, I'm just' She shrugs her shoulders.

'Do you like doing it? Does it make you feel good?'

'When I'm upset or pissed off I like doing it. It makes me feel better'

Peyton smiles. 'Well. Today seems like the perfect day then doesn't it?' She extends her weapon out to the sheepish girl again.

Lily's brown eyes flicker down to the guitar and then back to her audience. She sucks her bottom lip into her mouth as she gingerly takes the instrument.

Peyton hates the look that encompasses the teens face then. 'Lil can I be honest with you right now?' She murmurs as she watches the young girl before her flounder. Lily nods. 'You're making me jittery girly' Lily's brow furrows. _She's making Peyton Wolf jittery?!_ 'I use to play hide and go seek with you when you were this high' Peyton wavers her hand before her. 'I've sung you to sleep on a handful of occasions too not that you probably remember mind'

'I remember' Lily murmurs.

'Yeah?' Peyton smiles. 'Well why on earth are you looking at me like I'm some other species right now?'

'You're...you're Peyton Wolf' Lily shrugs timidly.

Peyton widens her eyes. 'Uhuh. Always have been. And you're Lily Scott'

'No, you're _Peyton Wolf_.'

'And what's so special about that? I'm still the same person that tucked you into this bed when you were five'

'You're like...famous now'

'And I was then, you were just a kid and didn't know it. The fame thing, you know that's all a load of bullshit right? I reckon we're kinda similar' Lily shakes her head in disagreement. 'Uhuh, I use to like playing my Daddy's guitar an all you know?'

'You did?'

'Uhuh. Only difference is your Daddy wouldn't have screamed bloody murder at you for touching his guitar'

'You don't get on with Mick?' Lily wonders. 'Sorry' She adds after a beat. 'That's none of my business' She shakes her head.

'You can ask me questions Lil'

'I'm sure you get weirdos asking you personal questions all the time'

'You're not a weirdo. You're family as far as I'm concerned' Peyton shifts further back onto the bed.

'Family' Lily echoes, a little startled by the blonde's analysis.

'I know we've seen each other less and less over the years but that, that's just because it, it's hard for me, being here sometimes and I'm sorry for that. I usually try and catch your Mum at the cafe... You and her mean a great deal to me Lily' Peyton hums.

'We do?'

'Of course honey'

'You and Luke aren't together'

'No but that doesn't mean our past disappears. Nor all the moments I shared with your Mum and you. She was there for me so much when my own Mum wasn't and so was your Dad' She admits. 'I want you to know I'm still here for you... Here, where's your phone? Do you have my number?'

'Er...no' Lily blinks before fumbling with the guitar and shifting it onto the bed as she grabs her phone from the small bedside table.

'I want you to have it' Peyton takes the phone and keys in her details. 'You can call me, text me, anytime, ok?'

'...Ok'

'And to answer your question about Mick, we get on fine now' She hands the phone back Lily. 'We didn't use to at all. He wasn't really much of a Dad to me growing up. It took me a long time to forgive him for that, I'm still working on it to be honest' She divulges.

'He...drank...like Luke right?'

'That's right' Peyton nods. 'It's hard when someone you love does that to themselves'

'It's not just to themselves though is it?'

'No. No you're right there. It's not'

'How did you do it?'

'What?'

'Go out with Luke, after everything you'd been through with your Dad, I just, I thought you'd...I've never touched alcohol. I'm never going too. I swear that to myself everyday because of everything Luke's drinking has done' Peyton's face morphs into one of sadness; she envies this eighteen year old's naivety. She doesn't think there was ever a time when she'd been this innocent or sheltered from the world. 'I can't imagine ever dating someone that has that kind of problem either...'

'You can't help who you fall in love with Lil. Me and Luke met as kids. As we got older his drinking got more and more out of hand. It happened gradually. You'd think I'd have caught on that it was actually a problem sooner than I did...not that it would have changed anything. I couldn't control that anymore than I could control my feelings for him...you can go out into this world trying to control everything but believe me, the sooner you realise that's impossible the better' Lily bites her lip. 'I mean hell I still try to control everything but the more I try it's like the more powerless I feel' Lily smiles at that. 'What's so funny?'

'Just...you're kinda like the post powerful girl I know'

'Sure I have power. Don't get me wrong. I'm in a position where I can give my kids a life that a lotta people can't. I have a job I love. A job that provides me with opportunities where I can help others too...but it's also kinda isolating at times...meeting new people can suck. You don't know if they like you or this persona they've been shown through the media and...' She trails off. 'Why're we talking about this?'

'Cause you're a lot cooler than me?'

'Well I'm not. I can tell you that right now. I'm a big cliche Lily Scott. I've done every single damn thing that anyone would've predicted of Mick Wolf's daughter'

'I don't think so. You've not wound up in rehab' As soon as it passes her rose bud lips her hand darts up to cover her mouth, her eyes frantic as she shakes her head. 'Sorry I-'

'You heard about Jenny then?' Peyton assumes, batting away the teenager's concern over her words. 'Don't worry. You're right, I guess that is one predictable thing I haven't done. And it makes me real happy to hear you'll be following suit if you're planning on abstaining from alcohol'

'You think I'm stupid and uptight'

Peyton's brow shoots up. 'No. Not at all. Although I don't think you should set rules for yourself and I definitely don't think any rules should be based upon Lucas's past actions. You're not the same people'

'It runs in families'

'Sometimes'

'How'd you know you weren't gonna get addicted?'

'I didn't. I just didn't care, or wasn't smart enough to consider that like you are. I guess I do have addictive tendencies in some ways. I'm addicted to music' She grins.

Lily smiles. 'Being addicted to music doesn't really hurt people'

'Oh, I dunno. Sometimes it does. My kids have been hurt by me touring before. And my husband reads into every word I write'

'I guess that is hard. You have to be open to the world knowing your feelings'

'Mm. Although quite often the world reads things that aren't there or misses the meaning completely'

'Do you put them right?'

'Oh no, of course not. It's always a plus when someone doesn't get it! I like people to find their own meaning, everyone has a different story so it's nice that people can find their own links, you know?'

'Yeah' Lily nods. 'I think I do that but not linking to me...I always think every song you write is about you and Luke'

Peyton quickly becomes uncomfortable but does well to disguise it with a smile. 'Sometimes it has been. Sometimes not. We've got a lot of history- sometimes that makes for a good song'

'Why did you and Luke break up? Was it because of the drinking? Because of what he did to Dad?'

Peyton takes a deep breath. 'It wasn't one thing...' Lie. 'Things just became too difficult for us...' She licks her lips. 'Your Daddy told me to end it'

'He did?' Lily's surprised by this.

'He begged me too several times. He told me he thought it'd give Luke something to get sober for. Keith knew our relationship wasn't healthy at that point. He was right. I just didn't listen until it was too late...' Her nostrils flare.

'You never got back together though, you married Jake'

'Yeah...I don't think it was me that got him sober honey. I think it's loosing Keith that did that' The girl beside her isn't so much a little girl anymore. She's coming out the other side of her teens and that knowledge fuels Peyton's sudden apology. 'I'm so sorry Lil. I've never said sorry to you. I've said it a million times to your Mumma but you've never seemed old enough to have this chat...'

'I don't think you need to be sorry. Dad wasn't your fault'

'No, not directly. But I did play a part in it'

Lily says nothing. Waits with baited breath.

'I don't think you know this. Perhaps you'll feel differently about me when you do' Peyton trails her hand through her hair. 'I called your Dad that night. Me and Luke had had a huge row and he'd been drinking and decided he was going to go out. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't physically stop him from driving but your Dad was always a whole lot better at talking to Luke when he was like that so I called him. And of course he came... so you see? I was the only reason he was there...he stopped me getting in that car with Luke. He saved me that night' She nods. Blinks away the unwelcome tears that have gathered in her eyes because she won't cry. Can't.

Lily's brow furrows. She licks her lips. This information about her father's last moments are details she'd not known. '...Is that why you paid for my school fees?'

'What?' Peyton inspects anger and resentment not the calm face of the teen that faces her.

'I'm not stupid. Mum couldn't pay those fees on what she makes at the cafe and Dad definitely didn't leave us much financially speaking and Luke's income has always been sporadic' She babbles. '..that leaves...'

'Me' Peyton supplies with a heavy exhale, uncertain on what she should say. What Karen would want her to say.

'When I started school it was a public school but I was only there a while and then...'

'The kids knew everything that had happened with your dad and about Luke and were giving you hard time. Your Mum swapped you to another school but you were still hating it and crying everyday, do you remember that?'

'I remember'

'I know your brother isn't your favourite person babe, but when it comes to you and Karen he'll go to the ends of this earth' She confides. 'He really loves you. It was him that came to me about the trouble you were having'

'He asked you to pay for private school?' Lily's surprise is evident in her wide brown eyes.

'Well not asked me to but he told me what was going on and asked if he could borrow some money for a bit'

'And you just gave it to him?'

Peyton laughs. 'Hell no. Giving a recovering alcoholic a large some of money didn't seem like a great call' Peyton shakes her head, her amusement quickly dwindling as she thinks about that day and the civil conversation that had quickly turned heated in regards to _other things_. 'I sorted it out with your Mum'

'I don't know what to say'

'You don't have to say anything'

'I just, I don't like the idea of being a burden or you feeling like you had to... because of everything you just said and cause you'd been in a relationship with Luke. I don't hold you responsible for what happened. It's still on Luke. You don't owe me anything-'

'Lily. I wanted to. I could, so I did. Whether Keith had been here or not I still would've done that for you. For your parents. For Luke' She claims.

'...You're my trust fund for college too aren't you?' Peyton chews on the inside of her cheek. 'I get a mysterious letter on my first week of college with account details in my name and it's not signed from anyone...'

'Your Mum has already made a fuss about paying me back for your school Lil and I don't want a penny from her. I didn't want her kicking off about me giving you that too. It's for college. Nothing else. If I see you going off the rails spending that elsewhere I'll be intervening'

'I can work like the average student you know'

'Oh I know, it's more for your Mum. I want her to ease up. You know she's going to try and help you with college costs and I don't want her stressing...Honey don't look so upset about it'

'I just, I don't get why'

'Because I want to and can. I don't want any thank you's and I don't want you feeling bad about it either'

'I'm pretty sure Luke doesn't know about the trust fund does he?'

'It's none of his business what I choose to do with my money. But like I said, when it comes to you I don't think he'd care. You're really important to him Lil. He'd want you to have the best' Lily is silent. 'I know today is hard babe but I know you love Luke'

'He's my brother. Of course I love him I just kinda hate him sometimes too...especially today'

Peyton nods. 'I get that. I do too sometimes' She smiles sadly. 'But love is stronger than hate. It really is...your Dad loved Luke so much. His death wasn't in vain because Lucas stopped drinking. I thank Keith every day for saving him, because I really think he did and I know he saved me too. Neither of us would be here if it weren't for your dad Lil. I would've died that night in that accident and Luke would've drank himself to death...Your Dad would be over the moon that he's come here today. He'd want the three of you to be together to celebrate his life cause you three were his world Lil. Don't ruin what's left of his world. Hold onto it. Treasure it. Live it'

Lily smiles wearily. 'That sounds like a song'

'Yeah?' Peyton laughs. 'Well sing it to me already Lily Scott' She thrusts the guitar back into the teenager's arms.

'Fine. But only if you sing too'


	10. a riddle wrapped in a mystery

She can feel his presence, her eyes don't need to look up from her messy desk to know it's him. 'Are you ever going to come in?'

He loiters. Has been loitering undetected for the last few minutes- well so he thought. He'd watched her scrape her hair up and twirl it into a make shift bun, using a pencil to fix it in place. He'd imagined pulling said pencil free. Lifting her onto her desk. Kissing her hard. Her legs wrapped around him. God those legs. He usually tries his god damn hardest not to let his mind go there but today his willpower has dwindled. Maybe it's the the green dress she's wearing that make her eyes appear even greener. Maybe it's the way she looks so damn sexy when she's concentrating hard. Maybe it's because just mere days ago he'd declared to Whitey that he was embarking upon letting Peyton Wolf go once and for all; a task that seems laughable and unthinkable in this moment.

'Why're you being weird?' She cocks her head up to look at him. He shifts his weight and a curl escapes, bouncing down around her face.

'Weird?' He shakes his head. 'I'm not- you just looked busy' He finally walks further into her office.

'Uhuh. I've had a nightmare with Mia this morning. She's struggling to find inspiration and it's fucking hard because Julian has set deadlines that I kind of need her to stick to but at the same time I get it, from a creative point I want her take as much time as she bloody needs but from a business point I need her to hurry the fuck up' She rambles. 'And then at the same time I'm thinking about us and what we need to be doing and-'

'Can I stop you there' He interrupts and extends one of the coffee cups he's holding to her.

She smiles. 'Why thank you. You don't know how much I freaking need this' She takes a sip, her eyes widening because this isn't just a coffee. This is one of Karen's specialties. She doesn't know what his mother does but this stuff is to die for. 'Lucas Scott I love you' She drawls. She loves his mother's coffee but he'll take any form of I love you that utters from those sweet lips.

'I thought you might need a pick me up and also...well it's a thank you for the other day' He sheepishly adds. 'I was rude to you-'

'It's fine Luke'

'No it's not. Part of my AA meetings is always about accepting responsibility. I insinuated that you cut me out of your life when that couldn't be the furthest thing from the truth. You've had so many reasons to do so but you haven't, not once... And you, I don't know what you said to Lil but she came back to Keith's grave with me and Mum after you left the other day and it, it was...nice...as could be...and as usual I'm sure I have you to thank for that'

'No thank you necessary' She slowly sets her prized coffee on her desk. Licks her lips before addressing him again. 'You surprised me...In a good way' She adds after a beat. 'He'd be proud of you Luke, for being there with them'

He snorts and perches on the side of her desk. 'I don't know about that. It's taken me thirteen years to do that. I think that only proves what a coward I am'

'It's not cowardly. I get it. I can't imagine how fucking hard it is. I'm proud of you'

He looks at her. 'Yeah?' He hopes so. He can handle his family and friends thinking he's a screw up but Peyton Wolf, not so much.

'Of course I am'

'I'm proud of you' He blurts back. She kinks her brow. 'Everything you've done here Peyt' His hands waver. 'It's so amazing. You've accomplished so much with this label in such a short space of time'

'Well thanks, but this isn't really the same ball park is it? You've turned everything around'

'Well not on my own. I've had a lot of help in that' He reaches out and tugs on the free curl that is still hanging across her face. 'There's this certain someone that likes to be a busy body'

'There is? I thought she cut you outta her life?'

He pouts. 'I said I was sorry'

'Uhuh' She takes another slurp of her coffee. 'Best sorry ever. You can say sorry everyday if you like' She grins.

'Keep dreaming, do you know how much Mother charges for that?! You'd think her son would be entitled to some freebies'

'I always get mine on the house' She taunts with a cackle.

'Why doesn't that surprise me?'

'I'm just extra sweet is all babe'

'Is that what you call it? Not demanding then?'

She opens her mouth in mock outrage. 'You take that back Lucas Scott'

'Or what? You'll demand I leave?'

'I'll demand you never leave! I could do with a personal assistant'

'Oh I'd happily fill that role' He smirks.

'I think you'd be pretty lame. I was stressed five minutes ago and you rock up with coffee and distract me'

'You needed a breather for your sanity. Julian can handle the Mia saga for the rest of the day. He just gave me strict instructions to run through the set with you again and he's made a delightful list of changes. You know how much I love those. Where did you find that guy again?'

'I'd be careful if I were you, that guy happens to be your biggest fan'

'Oh really? So what's with him crucifying our music?'

She opens her mouth to answer but somebody clearing their throat interrupts them. Peyton leans back to look past Lucas's obscuring form. 'Jake. Sawyer' She murmurs. 'What's wrong? Why aren't you at school?' She's on her feet and before them in all of a second.

'Sawyer isn't feeling well' Jake supplies. 'Go chill on the sofa over there sweetheart while I talk to your Mum'

'I want to stay with you-'

'That's not an option though is it? We just talked about this, I'll see you later' He kisses the frowning teenager's head before giving her a gentle shove in the direction of the sofa that sits on the opposite side of the large open space area to where Lucas is located.

'I can't have her here today- there's too much going on-'

'Uhuh. It looks like it'

Her eyes narrow at his snarky tone. 'You're going to have to take her Jake-'

'This isn't my fucking idea of an ideal situation either Peyton' He hisses in a hushed voice, his eyes briefly glaring in Lucas's direction who is doing what he does best when he's nearby Jake Jagielski; pretending he's not there because words that they've shared in the past have resulted in hands bawling into fists. 'Its bad enough having you in the same room as him let alone Sawyer but I told Jenny I'd be visiting today and the Doctor's have emphasised how important it is that we don't break her trust right now'

'Okay, okay' Peyton blinks, guilt instantly having her backing down. 'I get it, but unlike you I'm not buying this little act. She's not sick'

'We both know _you_ are the reason as to why she's acting up' He snaps. She crosses her arms. '...I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm just, I'm going to be late'

'You better go then' She widens her eyes exasperatedly.

'Peyton' He steps forward. His hand strokes over her cheek. He becomes the man he always strives to be even when she makes it beyond difficult. 'I'm sorry okay? I know you're swamped here. I woulda taken her to Mick's but I didn't think you'd approve of her having a fun afternoon with him because despite what you think I'm not stupid- I know she's not sick'

'I'm sorry too' His apology sparks her own. '...I'm stressed. That's no excuse to take it out on you though'

'Come here' He kisses her and she shrinks. Lucas seems to have that effect. Jake is accustomed to her reaction. He'd once got pissed. Once argued with her over it but she always claimed he was being oh so absurd. That he was just jealous and Lucas's presence made him see things that weren't there. He's given up arguing with her about it. Instead he deals with it by kissing her all the harder, by making more of a show of it than he ever would in anyone else's company. But she won't pull away, won't call him on it because she doesn't want to argue about his motivation. 'What time will you be done here?' He eventually pulls away, his hands keeping her close.

'I dunno. Late probably'

'I'll collect her after I get Indie later then'

'Thank you. Tell Jenny I love her won't you?'

'Always'

Like Peyton, Lucas too breathes a sigh of relief on her husband's departure. Her's because she can stop worrying that a row might ensue between the two men, his because her husband's hands are no longer all over her.

Despite Jake's departure he still hangs back at her desk. Watches her venture over to where her daughter has sprawled herself dramatically on one of the sofa's. A hand touches her head. 'Sick huh?'

'Mm'

'Faker'

'What?'

Lucas watches the thirteen year old curl further into the sofa to seek protection she's not going to find.

'Baby girl I was once the queen of pulling a sickie. Bad news for you, cause you can't play me like you do your Dad'

'I don't feel well'

The look that appears on Peyton's face is one Lucas relishes in. It's an expression he's not been privy too as much as he'd like. It's what he's come to fondly think of as her "Mother" face and he adores it.

'Fine! I wanted to see Jenny' Sawyer is quick to cave under her mother's intense gaze. 'But Dad said I can't if I'm sick'

'We've talked about this. We're not comfortable with you going there right now babe. Jenny is really fragile and needs to concentrate on herself and not have to think about any of us'

'I'm her sister'

'Of course you are and I know how much you want to see her right now but she's your big sister and she doesn't want you seeing her there'

'She said that?' Sawyer crosses her arms and looks at Peyton dubiously. A small smirk works it's way onto Lucas's lips because god is that kid like her mother. He's been on the receiving end of one too many a scowl that resembles that of the teen's right this second.

'That doesn't mean not ever babe. Think about how you're protective of Indie, that's just how Jenny feels about the both of you'

'I'm not a baby like Indie. I know why she's in rehab. I know what it is. I can handle it'

'I know you think that honey but you don't know that. It's never easy to see people you love like that. I wish I could erase from my mind every time I've seen my Dad or Lu-' Her words cease as her eyes briefly dart to their audience. 'Other people I care about' She backtracks uneasily. 'In that way. It sucks. But lucky for you your Mumma is gonna protect you from it as best she can because lord knows this is hard enough on you already'

'You're just stopping me because if I go you have to go and you don't wanna see her!'

'Why would you say that?'

'Well it's true. You've not seen her have you?'

'I found her Sawyer. I took her there. But you.. don't accuse me of not caring about her. Ever. I love her just like you do. And this is killing me. But I just...' Her stare flickers back to Lucas. The teens eyes follow this time. She's smart. She makes the connection. Her mother is struggling with the idea of visiting her big sister because this whole situation is far too close to home. She's experienced this all before. With her Grandad. With the man standing over there in the corner; with her Dad.

'Can I go in the studio?' The teen huffs because suddenly being in this room with the both of these unbearable adults is just too much.

Peyton averts her attention back to her daughter. Blinks. Wasn't she just trying to explain something? Her thoughts are jumping all over the place, much like they have been all week. Jenny. Her disgruntled husband. Her unsettled children. Keith; the anniversary. Karen and Lily. Lucas.

'I'll be outta your way in there'

'Not happening' Peyton is quick to reel it in. 'You don't get to skip out on school and have fun making music. You know that's not how it works babe. You can get on with your homework-'

'But-'

'No buts'

'But-'

'Sawyer'

'You're such a bitch sometimes' She grumbles.

'Oh look at that, you've just managed to get your phone confiscated' Peyton smiles sweetly and holds her hand out for the item in question.

'You're so unfair-'

'Uhuh. I'm the worst. Phone. Now' The pouting teen produces her cell and thrusts it into Peyton's grasp, her mother exchanging the item for Sawyer's backpack. 'Thank you honey' She chimes as Sawyer snatches the bag and begins to rummage inside to get out her homework before she gets anymore of her prized possessions taken away.

'You were a mess at my age, I'm a straight A student and never do anything wrong and still that's not good enough for you!'

'And you know why you're not a mess babe? Because you've got a Mum and Dad that love you and have given you rules, I wasn't so lucky' Peyton retorts. 'You can go in the studio when you get your homework done, that's the deal' She compromises. 'Okay?' Silence. 'I'll take that as okay Mum. I love you oh so much' Peyton sings as she migrates back to where Lucas is still hovering. 'Sorry' She sighs. 'Seemingly today is going to be plain sailing huh?' She drawls sarcastically.

'We can always do this later Peyt- As far as I'm concerned there's nothing that needs doing anyway- You know me- I'm happy without any changes'

He can tell she's on the verge of screaming when her phone starts to vibrate on her desk. Mia's name flashing on the screen.

'I have to-' She points to the phone and he nods. 'Don't go anywhere?'

'I'll be right here'

'And that goes for you too' She hollers loudly to the sulking teenager.

He waits until she's disappeared before he turns to focus on Sawyer. He's quiet for a long moment. Yoyos between wondering whether to stay silent or distract the child from her work.

'You might as well sit down Luke. She's not going to be back in a second lets face it' Sawyer cuts short his deliberating.

'No. You're probably right. Everyone wants a piece of your Mumma huh?' He slowly walks over to where she's hunched up with a workbook and pen.

'Mm'

'What you working on?' He sits on the arm of the sofa and she hesitates as she looks up at him. She's alone with him. She's alone with her Dad. She takes in the features she's seen time and time again. Wonders if she's inherited anything. Wonders if he knows what she now does.

'...Maths'

'Eurgh. The worst' A small smile graces her lips at his words. 'I hated Maths'

'Me too. I prefer English'

'Of course you do. You're your Mother's daughter'

'She liked English?'

'Well I don't think she was ever at school long enough to like anything really' He corrects. She sniggers. 'But see that's why she wants you to stay in school and make the most of your time there. If she had she would've been a kid for a hell of a lot longer than she got to be and she'd have been able to work on the things she was good at in a safe environment...your Mumma always liked writing, she was always writing in her journals- it was how she dealt with things going on in her life. That soon developed into songs. She can write a damn good song. But you already know that'

'You helped her write songs'

'Uhuh. But she doesn't need me to help her, she's quite capable all by herself. I think her last 8 albums might prove that' He laughs.

'Julian still thinks Ravens is her best work'

'Well that's not much coming from him' He chortles.

'You don't like Julian?'

He remembers he's talking to a child that is likely to blabber and warily keeps his mouth in check. 'Yeah. Of course I do' She doesn't buy it. 'I'm just a jerk when it comes to people telling me what to do when it comes to music'

'What do you mean?'

'Well your Mumma is capable of being both creative minded and business minded when necessary too. I on the other hand can only cope with the creative head'

Sawyer ponders that. 'Do you think I'll be both?'

'If you keep up with those maths lessons. Sure. What matters is you're happy in whatever you end up doing. You don't have to have a job in music' Her glaring eyes have his hands rising up into the air. 'But if that's what you want then that's cool too' He smiles. 'God you look like your Mum when you scowl'

'I do?'

'Uhuh. Trust me. I've been on the receiving end of many' He admits.

'That's what _I'm just a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside a bitch_ is about right?'

He laughs. 'Well yeah. Your Mumma use to like to bicker with me a lot. She actually said that to me one night'

'She said that?!'

'Uhuh. And later on when we were dating I told her that I use to think she hated me and she wrote that song'

'It's about how you might think someone thinks something by how they look at you but really they might be feeling the opposite. She loved you really and you thought she hated you'

'She tell you that?'

'Nope. It's my favourite one' She sheepishly answers. 'I've listened to it a few thousand times recently' She pushes her text book onto the coffee table and her hand reaches round the sofa for a guitar that's usually propped there. 'I always have trouble with what you do after the second verse'

Lucas watches her hands as they begin to strum with ease and confidence, a wide smile growing on his face as she does her own rendition of the song in question.

'What?' She stops abruptly though because quite frankly his expression is off putting.

'I knew you sang, I just didn't know you knew your way around this thing, not that I should be surprised- your Dad isn't too shabby'

'I'm not that good'

'Oh you are'

'You think?'

'That five second performance was better than a lot of stuff the professionals I work with are capable of'

'For real?'

'For real'

She smiles. 'Will you show me the bit I can't do?'

'Sure -' Peyton's reappearance has him changing his answer somewhat though. 'Just not right now. When you finish your homework hey?'

Sawyer nods mutely. Unlike Lucas her eyes are fixated on her mother. On the expression that her mother wears. It's foreign. It's anxiety, sadness, pride and joy all in one. And the smart thirteen year old knows in all of a heart beat that this man beside her most definitely doesn't have a clue as to who she is to him. She's his daughter. He's her Dad. She's a secret. Her mother's secret. Only she's not sure she wants to be a secret...not anymore.


	11. Letting her go

'Well, well, well. I didn't expect I'd be seeing you tonight'

'You heard then?' Lucas perches on the wall.

'That my big brother is crawling back on his knees for the princess of tree hill?' The taller, muscular brunette throws the ball in hand. It soars through the net. 'Yeah I heard'

'You know I get pissed off when you bad mouth her Nate'

'That was me being nice! You know I get pissed off when you make an ass of yourself by following her around with your fucking tail between your legs' He tosses the ball again, this time without looking. It flies into the hoop again.

'That's not what I'm doing'

'No? It sure looks like it from where I'm standing'

'I don't know why you give her such a hard time' Lucas grumbles.

'No? I don't care how many fucking shiny awards she's got, I'm not a fan of cheaters'

'She never cheated' Lucas tiresomely answers.

Nathan scoffs. 'Well she never fucking ended it. She fucking dumps your sorry ass in rehab and the next thing you know she's married'

'I appreciate your loyalty. Really, it's kind of refreshing to have someone so resolutely fighting my corner but you weren't around at that point of my life. We barely spoke. You barely knew me nor liked me. I was an ass. She had every right to leave me'

'Is that what you think about Haley's choices too? That I'm the ass?'

Lucas sighs because everything always leads back to Haley James. Much like everything leads back to Peyton Wolf for him. 'It's a completely different scenario'

'How so? Times get a little bit tough and they fucking scarper and fall into the arms of the nearest douche. Sounds pretty similar to me big brother'

'You can't solely blame Hales'

Nathan glowers at his sibling then. 'I can't blame her for fucking another man? Hmm, that was my fault somehow? I'm real interested in learning how I played a part in it'

'I'm not saying it was your fault. I know she fucking did wrong. What she did was..' He shakes his head. He doesn't want to use the word unforgivable because he's actually rooting for his best friend and brother to sort their shit out. 'was unfathomable' He settles on. 'But things weren't good between you guys. You have to admit that. You have to take some responsibility in the fact that you weren't around. You put basket ball first'

'She put music first long before I ever put a game before her' He growls. 'You fucking know that'

Lucas's hands fly up in peace then because he can see his brother's rage is on a dangerous tipping point. 'I know man. I know' He nods. 'What do you want me to say that I've not already said Nate? She's my best friend and you're my brother. She did a shit thing. You've been a dick. But all I can fucking see is that you still love her and she loves you. You could both move past this. Do you know how lucky you are? The girl you love still wants to be with you. There's only so long that she's going to hold on before she's going to have to start looking at a future that doesn't include you'

'Not if she really loves me' Nathan shakes his head. 'I mean look at you? It's been nearly fourteen years. You've not looked at a future without Peyton. Lets be honest'

'Oh, so you're testing her are you?' Lucas frowns.

Nathan sighs heavily. 'Am I talking to my brother or my ex's best friend right now?'

'Your brother Nate. Always'

'I'm just not over it yet. I dunno if I ever will be but I'm...I'm not ready...Anyway' He clears his throat. 'Tell me big brother. If princess Peyton gave you everything you've ever wanted and left her husband would you be able to just let go of the fact she's been fucking another man for the last thirteen years?'

Lucas cringes. 'Nate'

'What?' He shrugs. 'It's a mere observation. I'm not okay with Haley having done it the once. Mind you I don't even know if it was just the once. Peyton's had a whole fucking marriage that's a whole different ball park'

'I'm well aware of her marriage jackass'

'I'm just saying I don't, I don't know how I'd be able to get past that. I mean even in your little fantasy world of her leaving him for you, he's still going to always be there. He's the father of her kids. She's always going to have that with him. She's always going to be connected to him'

'It's the 21st century Nate. People get divorced every day. Families are complex. We'd make it work. I'd make it work. Her kids are great'

'She's not getting divorced though' Nathan reminds him.

'No. You're the one that started this little fucking hypothetical world, I've long come to terms with the fact that I'm never going to have her in the way I want'

Nathan laughs at that. 'That's funny. Really funny. You talk bullshit a lot Luke but that's got to be up there. You've come to terms that Peyton Wolf will never be Peyton Scott? My ass you have! Why go on this tour Luke? You're torturing yourself. Why continue to put yourself in these fucked up situations? What happened to that Lindsey chick? I liked her. She seemed like a good girl'

'She's been outta town'

'And you think she's going to be alright with you touring with your ex?'

'Lindsey and me are just having fun Nate. Besides, she knows Peyton is married. Everyone knows'

'Please, everyone knows your fucking history. Everyone knows that bloody album'

'Well any girl I have in my life is going to have to come to terms with the fact that Peyton is a part of my life. She'll always be my friend'

Nathan shakes his head in despair. 'You know you being friends with Peyton is basically the same as saying I should be okay with Hales having a friendship with Chris Keller'

'It's not the same' Lucas disagrees, his face contorted. 'Keller is a fucking douche. I think we've done enough talking little brother. I thought I'd drop by and play a bit of ball with you' He steals the basket ball from Nathan and squints at his target. Misses.

'We're not doing that cause you suck' Nathan chortles earning him a glare.

'Ha ha ha'

'Come inside. I'm fucking starving' Nathan grabs a towel from the wall and begins to walk toward the grand house behind them. 'So, shouldn't you be packing if your first show is tomorrow?'

Lucas looks at him suspiciously then. 'Whitey was the one to tell you I take it?'

'No' Nathan snorts. 'I ran into your Mum earlier actually. You know Whitey and I strictly talk ball. He's been giving me some guidance for the championships... I take it he's not for this big decision of you touring either then' Nathan smugly assumes, amused by the fact the important mentor in both of their lives has dished out advice that matches his own, something that is a rarity. 'Look at me, I'm getting oh so wise in my old age'

'An interfering asshole you mean. Can we drop this now?'

'Sure, sure. Left over Chinese or' He's rifling through the limited contents of his fridge. '...left over Chinese?'

Lucas shakes his head. 'Dude it's really time you learnt how to cook'

'Nah. Why do that when other people can do it for you?' He shrugs indifferently and begins to haphazardly set out the boxes of take out on a tray to heat up in the oven.

'Don't you ever feel fucking lonely rocking around in this empty mansion? It's so echoey it gives me the fucking creeps'

'Are you asking to move in?'

'Hell no. I'm happy with my abode thanks. Money doesn't buy happiness Nate'

'No? You wouldn't have been saying that last night. You missed a great party Luke'

'Mm...your buddies aren't really my scene'

'How would you know? You're so fucking judgey sometimes'

'What're you doing throwing parties anyway? You're meant to be completely focused on ball right now. I've got a couple of bets riding on the championships so you better not let me down'

'Eurgh, despite popular belief ball isn't everything to me Luke'

'Nope. I'm aware. Haley James is'

Nathan scowls at him. 'I'm just...I think I might be ready to call it quits'

'Retire from ball?' Lucas looks at him in disbelief.

'In terms of the game I'm getting old Luke. That injury last year is still giving me fucking problems. I'm just, over it you know? I'm thinking about maybe looking into coaching'

'Wow. I just...I mean if that's what you want'

'I mean don't be throwing this around will you. I've not made my mind up. It's just been something I've been thinking about and it's definitely not something I want a dozen voicemails about from Hales'

'Your secrets are safe with me little brother... though you know what this means? You won't be able to keep hiding from her'

'Me hiding? Dude I'm the one with a fucking home. A stable base. She's the one that's off galavanting about the country'

'You know she's made her schedule so crazy so she doesn't have to deal with the fact that you're not here waiting for...only you are aren't you'

'It's time for you to shut up'

'Uhuh' Lucas nods, taking over the preparation of their thrown together dinner.

'...how is she? When did you last see her?'

Lucas smiles widely, his back to his brother. 'The other week...she's...the same. She's pissed at me though so I've not spoken to her since'

'What did you do?'

'I said somethings' Lucas sighs. 'She was trying to talk me out of the tour much like every other fucking person in this town. I wasn't interested in listening and well, I just was perhaps a little harsh on her about some of her choices' He admits, setting a plate before the younger Scott sibling. 'You don't get to look at me like that Nate. You're worried about her? Fucking answer her calls. I'm sick of being your twos go between man'

Nathan is silent for a beat. Takes a large mouthful of his noodles. Swallows. 'So where's the first stop for the Lucas Scott and Peyton Wolf reunion?'

'LA'

'Will Hales be there?'

'I doubt it'

'Well when you see her apologise for whatever jackass thing you said to her and then tell her to come to the championships'

'Yeah?' Lucas nearly chokes on his food.

'Don't make me fucking say it again Luke'

'You could ask her yourself you know?...But I'm quite happy to be the go between man in this instance' He backtracks, unable to contain his smirk.

'Don't make me hit you Luke. Do me a favour'

'Gees you're very demanding tonight. You want me to ask her to move into your lonely bachelor pad too?'

'Oh this favour isn't for me. It's for your fucking self. When Princess Peyton comes out on that stage tomorrow night and you sing with her and that crazy power she has over you starts to take over the little logic your brain has, remind yourself that it wasn't fucking her that was there waiting for you after rehab. Haley and Karen collected you. They were the ones that were there for you. She wasn't'

Lucas averts his eyes to his plate. Wishes his brother's words were the pep talk he needs right now. But it falls short. It falls short because he knows whilst it's true it was Haley and his mother that had been waiting for him, he also knows it was Peyton's god damn words that had convinced them to be there waiting for him. He's read the letters written to his mother. Letters written with so much love. Letters that begged his mother not to give up on him. Not to cut him lose. Not to loose him over Keith. Not to loose him over an illness he was trying so hard to beat and gain control of. He doesn't bother telling Nathan that though. Instead he shakes his head. 'This tour isn't about me getting her back Nate. It's about letting her go'

Nathan's smile is amusement and disbelief. 'If only that were fucking true big brother'


	12. The burden of lying

She's excited. Irritated. Nervous. Angry.

There's that familiar adrenaline pumping through her veins. That buzz she's not felt in god knows how long but it's tainted.

She's irritated because her best friend is here and whilst anyone else would perceive that as a lovely surprise she knows Brooke Bakers' true intentions. Knows she's tagged along with her husband for this in order to keep an eye on her. That's what it feels like anyway- like she's being baby sat. She's nervous because of so many reasons. She's nervous about having left her children for a couple of days what with everything going on back home. Nervous about how Jake feels about her doing this. Nervous about her step daughter. And it goes without saying that she's just plain nervous about actually _doing this_. About doing this with Lucas. And she's angry. Angry because he seems nothing but calm.

'How were the kids?' He wonders. He knows her. Knows she's stewing. Knows that getting her to talk is always key to banishing whatever is on her mind.

'Oh you know, the best' Peyton smiles falsely.

'Oh that bad?'

'Na they were alright really. I'm being dramatic. Indie gave me some tears. Sawyer was surprisingly okay'

'She text me today actually' He's sat on the chaise longue. Of course she's in the best suite the hotel has to offer. Unlike him. Julian has made sure he's as far away from the starlet before him. Not that that's worked in keeping him away.

'Sawyer?' Peyton's brow shoots up and she stops rifling through her bag and looks back at him.

'Yeah- I assumed she'd got my number off you- she was asking me about guitar lessons?'

'Guitar lessons?'

'Yeah. When you were on the phone to Mia at the studio the other day she was asking me to show her stuff and then you came back and I didn't get time to show her. I'm sure Jake is more than capable of teaching her but she seems hell bent on me giving her some lessons for some reason'

Peyton looks at him blankly.

'I'm judging by your face you don't know anything about this' He laughs.

'No' Her smile is small. Nervous.

'Don't worry, I get it, I mean I'd happily show her a few things but it's not like she needs me to with Jake being her Dad is it? I'm sure that would be a no, no for him anyway huh? I'll just tell her I can't shall I?'

She cringes. 'I wouldn't have an issue with it, you know that. I just...I didn't know she'd...Jake wouldn't be okay with it'

'Yeah I thought so. It's cool- I dunno why she thinks I'd be such an awesome teacher. Aren't little girls meant to put their Daddy's on pedestals?'

'Yeah...'

'She was asking about some chords on our album. I guess that's sort of awkward to ask Jake about and her mother definitely wouldn't have a clue'

'Hey now' She wags her finger at him. 'I've never needed to know' She points out.

'No. It is sort of funny though'

'What, that I've let you be better at me at something?'

He sniggers. 'Oh you let me huh?' He knows she's joking. He's spent many a night helping her battle self doubt to know that she's more than humble. If anything too humble. 'Alright goldilocks'

'You know I hate that. Don't call me that'

'Sorry' He smirks.

'No you're not'

'Nope' He agrees as he stands. 'I should probably get going if you're having lunch with the best friend'

'You can join-'

'I don't think that's the best idea. I just wanted to check you were alright' He cuts her off with a knowing smile. He doesn't want to irritate Brooke and he knows his mere presence alone seems to have that effect. 'I'll catch up with you later at sound check' He edges toward the door. 'I like this one' He informs her as he passes the two dresses hanging on the cupboard door. His fingers whisper over the glitzy red number, ignoring the green dress on the left.

'Yeah?' She knows what he's doing. She's not stupid. She knows he prefers the more understated green number. She knows what he likes. Knows what he likes her in. Knows he thinks that if he tells her his true preference she'd be certain to wear the opposite. It's a game of reverse psychology. But it can't work on her because she knows him all too well.

'Mhm' He looks at her. Her arms folded across her chest, brow kinked. A look painted on her face that tells him she sees straight through him. He smirks and points to the door. 'I should'

'Uhuh. See you later' She nods. He goes in a flurry of movement.

She bites her lip and walks over to where he was just stood. Surveys the two choices.

If she plays dumb and pretends she's oblivious to his ulterior motives wearing the red would be telling him she cares what he thinks, that she wants to wear something he approves of. Wearing the green says she's trying to keep him at arms length. Unless he can read her as she can him. Unless he knows she knows his mind games. In which case wearing the red would prove she sees straight through him. Wearing the green will be giving him what he really wants. She shakes her head at her ridiculous theorising that she's sure makes zero sense anyway.

It's all a waste of time. The choice has already been made. There never was a choice. Because as soon as Brooke had presented her with the two options she'd heard the voice in her head. The voice of Lucas Scott that seemed to live there.

 _I love you in Green. Your eyes somehow always look bigger like they're twinkling just for me._ Green.

•••

He cringes as he rounds the corridor. He was mere seconds from reaching the safety of the elevators but the figure approaching from the opposite direction means he's going to have to engage. Something he's always keen to avoid.

'Brooke' He forces a bright smile. Reminds himself to be polite.

'Luke' She tersely answers.

'It's good to see you'

'Mm. Where are you coming from?' It's an accusation not a question.

'I just popped my head round Peyt's door' He divulges. As anticipated her eyes narrow. 'She was just telling me how glad she is you're here. You can distract her from being away from the girls' He's not sure that the blonde in question is entirely thrilled by the brunette's presence but he knows Brooke Davis on some level. Knows her well enough to know that she likes to feel needed. 'She's more nervous about tonight than she's letting on'

'She's distracted. She's got a family that needs her more than ever right now'

'Uhuh and as always she'll juggle it all. She's always be good at playing super mum'

'And how would you know that?'

'I know her' Their sentences are becoming shorter. Snippier. Neither of them are very patient people. Lucas has learnt methods at his AA meetings that help him manage the unnatural skill however. He counts backward from ten.

'I'm watching you Luke' Her quiet murmur throws him for a minute.

'Er...okay?'

'I mean it. You try anything, anything at all with her, I swear to god-'

'Brooke' He holds his hands up and shakes his head. 'We're all grown ups ok? Peyton is a big girl-'

'I'm well aware but you've managed to screw her life up more times than I can count. I won't let you do that again'

'The last thing I want to do is screw up her life. You know people can change- I know I've done wrong in the past but that was a long time ago and Peyton has managed to find it in her heart to forgive me'

Brooke snorts. 'Like she ever held you accountable for anything in the first place'

'Mm well she's got enough people in her life that did that for her hasn't she? Still has it would seem' He sighs. 'I'm here because she asked me to be. I'm here doing her a favour. That's all this is Brooke. I'm not here to cause any trouble'

'Sure you're not'

He squints at her. They've been acquaintances for a long time and he knows if he's not convinced her by now he's going probably not got a hope in hell but he tries just the same to get in her good books. 'I'm thankful that she has you, did I ever tell you that?' He abruptly confides.

She's taken aback. He's the last person in the world she'd ever anticipated those words coming from.

'You've always been there for her. You're a good friend Brooke. I'm gonna go now. You take care'

She can't reply, is a little flawed by how this conversation has taken another path to their usual bickering.

She frowns at his retreating figure and resents him for being nice. She can't like him. She won't like him. She won't get swept up like her best friend always seems to do around him. She won't let her best friend go off the rails. Like he said. She's always been there. She'll always be there. Unlike him.

••••

'I'm worried about Sawyer' Peyton murmurs. She's standing on the balcony. Brooke watches her eyes cautiously make a circuit. Knows that despite their height she's trying to decipher whether any unwanted eyes are on them. Or more precisely camera lenses.

'You can relax Wolfie. Julian booked your room under another name. He's had words with the staff. No one knows you're here' Brooke knowingly reassures her.

'I know. Just habit. It always gets out eventually huh?' She sits down and tries to relax under the suns rays.

'What were you just saying. About Sawyer?' Brooke perches at the end of the lounger. 'What's going on?'

Peyton sighs. 'She's been asking questions about me and Luke lately and then she texted him this morning' She divulges. '...Asking him to give her guitar lessons' Brooke frowns. 'The only way she got his number was by going through my phone and it's just...she would've just freaking asked me about it usually. I don't get why she didn't ask me, why she's been so secretive, like I wouldn't find out that my kid is getting lessons-'

'She can't have lessons with him Peyton!' Brooke chimes then.

'She's not. She's not. Jake would hit the fucking roof for starters' Peyton acknowledges.

'That's not why. You know why'

The weary blonde chews on the inside of her cheek, avoids the intense hazel eyes that are piercing into her. '...Would it really be so bad?'

Brooke abruptly lurches from her spot to standing then with a shake of the head. 'I knew this whole fucking thing would turn your brain to moosh!' She exclaims loudly. 'What is it about him that has you loosing your mind?'

'I'm not loosing my mind B'

'No?! Can you hear yourself right now? You think her having lessons, spending one on one time with Lucas would be a good thing?'

'I never wanted it to be like this, you know that'

'I know. I know- He didn't give you a choice-'

'But I...I could've...I could've told him since. I should've but Jake he...'

'You can understand Jake's reservations. You can understand his conditions P'

'Yeah but...' She exhales heavily.

'He's thinking about her and about you'

'Really? I think he's mostly thinking about himself... What about Luke?'

'What about him? He couldn't step up then-'

'No. But now isn't then. He's completely different to back then. When she was little I was always so worried about upsetting Jake and Luke wasn't capable of being what she needed so it was a no brainer but now-'

'Now she's grown up with a wonderful father. Because you did the right thing. For her. For Luke. For Jake'

Peyton nods slowly. 'But it's not right' Her nods quickly cease as her head begins to tilt back and forth.'None of it's right. It makes me feel sick to my stomach'

Brooke looks at her sympathetically 'Honey' She sits back down, wraps her arm around her friend. 'I get that. I can't imagine what that feels like...I know this is never what you wanted. I know this isn't what you would've chosen but it worked out for the best right? You can't deny that; she's had the best childhood. You want to fuck that up now? It'll mess with her head'

'Her sister is in rehab. That's messing with her head. Maybe spending time with Luke, maybe seeing that you can manage that illness will help her-'

'We just clarified that Jake wouldn't be onboard with this P'

'Mm. I know' She blinks and looks up into her concerned friend's face. 'I'm just thinking out loud. Ignore me'

'Think of the ramifications. Yeah it might make you feel better to have this secret out there but do you really think Luke will forgive you so easily? Do you think Sawyer won't be mad at you for keeping it from her? Indie too? Think about your marriage- Jake can barely cope when it comes to your history with Luke let alone Sawyer having a bloody relationship with him-'

'I know, I know B. I know all that. I've considered all of it. I consider all of it everyday' She's thankful she's wearing sunglasses. Thankful Brooke can't see her glassy eyes. '...I couldn't bear him hating me' She whispers.

Brooke doesn't need to be able to see the hidden pair of green eyes to know that tears have gathered. She squeezes Peyton's hand. '...are you sleeping with him?'

Peyton stiffens. '...what?'

'You can tell me. I bumped into him in the corridor and-'

'We've not even been at this hotel for a couple of hours and you think I've fallen into bed with him?'

Brooke knows in all of an instant at Peyton's tone that she hasn't been unfaithful. Physically anyway. The boat sailed a long time ago on the emotional front. 'Is it that crazy for me to wonder P?'

'Yes. It is. I'm married. I take that seriously'

Brooke nods. 'I know, I know you do'

'Clearly not!' She swings her legs off the lounger and distances herself from her interfering friend. 'I know you came here to babysit me. Despite what you think I don't need you telling me what to do'

'That's not what I'm doing. I just don't want you to do anything you'll regret'

'Why don't you spend your time concentrating on the child you're going to be bringing into the world instead of on me?! If I screw up that's my problem. It's not yours'

'I love you that's why! I want you to be happy. That's all I want'

'Happy?' Peyton snorts. 'How can I ever be happy?! Imagine having to let go of Julian. Right now imagine having to let him go with his baby growing inside of you. Imagine being near him but not being with him! You can't begin to know what that feels like!' She blurts. 'You don't get to fucking judge me. I did what I had to back then. I let him go. I did. But that doesn't mean that I still don't find it fucking hard'

Brooke blinks. Is stunned into silence. A lump forms in the back of her throat as she watches the distraught woman before her.

'I...I should get going. We're...we're doing sound check in fifteen' She sniffles.

'...Right...right I'll...what do you want me to do?'

Peyton almost laughs then, despite her current emotional state because her best friend is never lost for words. 'Stay here and get me wine? I'm going to need it to get me through tonight and I'm also gonna need you to hold my fucking hand' She sighs. 'Maybe I do need you to babysit me'

'That's not what I'm doing. I just want to be there for you'

'You are. Always. You just can't save me from myself B. No one can' She kisses the brunettes cheek.

Brooke watches after her and wonders for the first time in all these years if the one person that can save her best friend, has always been able to save her, is the person she's vowed to hate until the end of time.


	13. Calling the shots

He doesn't say anything for a lengthy moment. She looks beautiful. How could she be anything but that. She's wearing that green dress he's been daydreaming about seeing her in fro the most part of the day and as predicted her eyes look greener. They're sparkling and his hands twitch at his sides. He wants to grab her, pull her to him. Feel her slight body that's wrapped in silk. He tells her so. Not the later, just the beautiful part.

She bats her hand dismissively but he knows that smile. His smile. She's not given him that smile in a long time. He's sure by that smile that she's put this dress on for him and hope flowers in his stomach like it always does. But this is what she does. She lets herself get closer. Lets herself get as close to the edge as possible. The cliff edge that he's forever prepared to jump off of. But then she'll reel back as he's plummeting down. He knows she will. She'll never quite cross that line. She's married. But it's moments like these that he wonders if maybe one day she'll be his again. That he's sure she still feels it. How can she not? How can she deny it? Deny what's between them. It's magnetic.

She's nervous before they go on.

He's not. Not in the same way she is. He's never been nervous when it comes to the music. He trusts the songs and if he doesn't then they don't get played. It's as simple as that. He's especially not nervous when it comes to this album. When it comes to doing this with her. He's just excited.

He knows she's not just worrying about their performance though. She's worrying about the label. About the ramifications of tonight. This isn't the same for her as it it is him. It's not just about the music. Tonight has to have a good end game for her business. For her family and colleagues.

'It'll be alright Peyt' He squeezes her hand. 'I promise. And you know what we need to do if the crowd needs any persuasion'

'We're not doing Muffled Silence Luke. We've been through that. Don't you dare put me in that position on stage' She stares at him. Her eyes tell him she's serious.

'I won't, I won't. I'm just saying. Of course that would totally be your call' He relents. He wonders if she'd murder him alive were he to start playing the song in question that she's seemingly terrified of. That in itself makes him sort of smug. Because surely it only emphasises how weak she is to it. How much it means to her. Still. After all this time.

The second they're on stage it hits them both. The heat of the lights. The deafening sound of the crowd. That electric feeling pumping through them. They're sky rocketed back to the first time they did this. She'd been his then. He never wants to leave this stage. Because he believes she is his here, now, in this moment. For the first time in a long time he's able to pretend that she's still his.

It's ruined though as they finish they're first number and the crowd erupts. It's all ruined for him the second he registers her husband watching from the VIP area. For a stupid moment he'd really been under the illusion that he might just have her to himself. Just for tonight. He concentrates on letting his fingers strum at his guitar, concentrates on the music and not the jealousy stewing in his belly. He realises in that moment that he's not been thinking straight today. He's not been thinking like this is closure at all. Not like it's the beginning of the end. Not like he's letting go as he'd claimed to both Whitey and Nathan.

No. He's been thinking about the possibility of having her back instead. Had become convinced it wasn't as bag shit crazy as he always reminds himself.

Unlike Lucas, she doesn't notice her family's presence. Not for the first couple of songs.

He watches her send a little wave to them when she finally sees what keeps garnering his attention off stage. He hates the smile that follows. It's not the smile she gives her beaming children. It's the smile she gives her husband. He fucking hates it because he's not on the receiving end of it and he remembers. Remembers that he didn't come here to win her back. She's not his off this stage nor on it.

•••

'You were amazing Babe'

'Jake' She smiles. She'd been more than a little surprised by his presence. Is still surprised. He's not surprised her in a good while. She doesn't find herself excited or thrilled by his surprise though. Of course she's pleased. She's pleased to see the children and him she just...she doesn't know...wanted to be alone? Wanted this to be just hers? Wanted to get lost in the music, in Lucas in a way she never could with her husband and girls present. 'What're you doing here?'

'It's my girl's opening night. Did you really think I wasn't going to be here?' He's a little disappointed that she clearly thought he'd not rock up.

'I just...Jenny and-'

'Have I ever missed your first tour date?'

'No' Her voice is small. He's right. He hasn't but this is different. 'I just, I know you're not exactly thrilled about this'

'No' He smiles. 'But I've been acting like an insecure teenager. You're right. You're always right. I'm sorry if I've made this harder on you that it needed to be'

'You haven't. You're not. I get it'

'Yeah?' He smiles. She's always so forgiving. He tells himself it's cause she's in love with him because Peyton Wolf is a hard person to earn forgiveness from usually. He's watched her hold onto grudges for years. Watched her try to let go of old demons and fail time and time again. Not with him though. Because she loves him... Or is it guilt? 'Well how about you get over here and kiss me to help relieve my insecurities'

She rolls her eyes. 'Why don't you get over here and kiss me if that's what you want' She kinks her brow and he smirks at her.

'You always have to call the shots don't you?' He stalks over to her.

'Nope I just don't follow orders honey. You know that'

'I wasn't ordering. I was asking. You're the one that likes dishing out orders'

She sniggers. 'Someone has to take charge otherwise nothing would ever happen babe'

'I can take charge you know. I got me and the girls here without your assistance didn't I?'

'Brooke didn't book it all for you then?'

He pouts then. 'It was my idea'

She laughs and shakes her head. She'd once found his inability to use his initiative sort of cute. It's not so cute anymore.

'Fine. I can take charge when it matters' He corrects, his hand firmly sweeping down her side. Her amusement fades. She wants to ask if he thinks him taking charge from time to time when it comes to sex is all that matters? Wonders if he thinks his ability to assert what he wants in the bedroom is what makes him a man. Don't get her wrong. It is attractive to her but she thinks she'd be majorly turned on if he managed to book a flight and get her kids across America to be by her side all by himself without any assistance.

'The girls will come bursting in in a minute. Don't start something you can't finish babe' She pecks his lips and tries to move past him but he holds steady.

'I'll have my proper kiss first thank you' He informs her before reuniting their lips. She reciprocates like always. Endeavours to be what he wants. What she should want too. The annoying voices in her head that she usually manages to muffle out are louder today. They urge her to evade his touch. Urge her to slip free. 'The girls babe' She smiles a smile he doesn't buy. It's not seductive or sweet. It's guilty. It's a smile that has his stomach in knots. It's a smile that fuels all his insecurities, not banishes them as he so badly wants her to.

The girls do rush through the door a moment later as predicted and save an argument. An argument that they've had one too many times. An argument that is on the constant back burner. An argument that is never resolved. Will never be resolved.

He watches her with Sawyer and India. Watches her squeal with them and laugh. Wonders why she looks ten times happier to see them. When Indie declares she needs the bathroom he's more than eager to concentrate on his role as father and lead her out of her mother's dressing room, thankful for the breather because suddenly being so close to his wife is unbearable. He has these moments. Moments where being beside her is too much because sometimes he's not convinced he knows her at all and that scares the shit out of him.

She's not oblivious. She knows he's upset. Knows he's embarked on his cycle of self doubt. She knows she just failed in reassuring him and yet she can't find it in herself to care right now. She's still got adrenaline pumping through her body. She's still on a high from their opening show and she just wants to ride it out and enjoy it before she thumps back down. It's a little hard to do though because reality is right here in the form of her daughter. There's no hiding from it.

'What's that look for babe?' Peyton enquires as she wipes the make up from her face, catching her daughter's stare in the mirror before her.

Sawyer blinks at her mother. 'Nothing you just...'

'What?'

'You were really great tonight Mum'

A smile slowly creeps onto the blonde's face and she twists around on her stool to face her daughter. 'Yeah?'

'Uhuh' Sawyer confirms. 'You kinda blew my mind'

Peyton's brow kinks then. 'Babe you've seen me on stage a thousand times'

'I know. You're always great but you, you were different tonight' She notes. She doesn't know what it was but her mother's performance was heightened somehow. She doesn't know if it's just her stupid mixed up feelings regarding the man that had shared the stage with her mother. Of the secret she now knows. But her heart had pounded in her chest. The music hand tingled through her body. The hairs on the back of her neck had stood on end.

'I guess you've not really heard this album much'

'I've been listening to it a lot lately actually'

Peyton's smile slowly dwindles, her eyes filling with curiosity at Sawyer's confession. 'Yeah?...Luke mentioned that you text him this morning actually. Wanting him to show you a few things'

'Uhuh' Sawyer confirms and takes a little step forward, finding a sudden interest in her mother's jewellery.

'Did you go through my phone?'

'I just wanted his number'

Peyton's hand laces over her daughter's then and stops her fiddling with the glistening crystals. 'That's not okay Babe. I don't go through your stuff without asking'

Sawyer snorts then. 'I wouldn't put it past you'

'Well I don't! Sure I might if I really felt your life was in danger but I'd never do that unless I had reason to'

'I had reason to. I wanted his number'

'And you could've asked me for it'

'And you'd have given it me?' Sawyer fires back.

'Of course I would'

'No you wouldn't!'

'Why do you say that?'

'Because you already told him I can't have lessons with him didn't you? He text me and said he couldn't!'

Peyton sighs then. 'Babe your Dad wouldn't like it okay? Your Dad can give you lessons' She reasons.

'He hates Luke. He hates this album. He won't show me the things I want help with. Why can you work with Luke but not me?'

Peyton's brow furrows. 'Babe he's working with me on this because we made this album together and it was Julian's idea. Otherwise this wouldn't be happening right now-'

'Because Daddy doesn't trust you'

'Excuse me?'

'Does Dad know how much you text Luke?'

Peyton wants to grapple for her phone then. Wants to rifle through the exchanged messages and see what her daughter's eyes have seen despite knowing there's nothing incriminating on there. How could there be when she's done nothing wrong? 'We're friends Sawyer. We've been friends for a long time'

'Does he know?'

'What?'

'Does he know about me?'

'Babe what're you talking about?' Peyton questions exasperatedly.

'Does Luke know I'm his? Does Dad know he's not my Dad?'

Her high is well and truly over in that moment. She comes crashing back down to earth with an almighty thump. Her eyes widen then. She's imagined telling her child this over and over. She's imagined every scenario. She thought she'd imagined every scenario because this most certainly hadn't ever been something she'd envisioned happening. How could it be? How could the thirteen year old possibly know? How was she the one bringing this up? How?

'I found my birth certificate' Sawyer fills the silence and answers her mother's unsaid question.

'Sawyer' Peyton whispers.

'Did he not want me?! Is that why you split up?!'

Peyton swallows thickly. There's a lump in the back of her throat. Tears in her eyes. She blinks furiously.

'That's so not it babe' She shakes her head. 'Luke...He, he doesn't know'

The emotions are too much for a thirteen year old. She's both relieved and angry by this revelation. She's smart. She's spent weeks wondering whether her parentage was known to all involved. She's thankful that someone can be innocent in this situation. Lucas isn't at fault. Lucas is in the dark. Her real father isn't to blame.

'What about Daddy?'

'Jake knows' Peyton nods shakily. '...You have to understand babe Luke, he wasn't...he...'

'He was in rehab. He wasn't well' She summarises. She's figured out the timeline. Has spent time piecing together her parents past without directly asking them.

'Right. He couldn't bring you up. He, what we did was for you. I love you so much-'

'Did you love Luke?'

'So much. God so much' Peyton confesses.

'You could've told me! You should've told me! You still could've married Jake if that's what you wanted! It didn't need to be a secret! Why am I secret?!'

'Because you were happy! You were happy and I didn't want to ruin that...I know you must be confused and angry-'

'You took away his decision to be my Dad- if he sucked at it that would've been on him Mum! You didn't even let him try and you won't let me spend time with him now! You don't get to make that decision! Just because you didn't want to be with him! Just because you don't want him anymore doesn't give you the right to say I don't get him either!'

'That's not what I did! God Sawyer that's so not what was behind what we did!' Peyton snaps. This whole situation has been black and white to her for so long. She's not been able to see anyone interpreting her choices as selfishness when it was selflessness and selflessness alone that was at the root of her decision. She'd given up what she wanted. She'd given it all up for Lucas. Given it up to ensure his health. Given it up for the daughter before her. To protect her from the same god awful upbringing that she'd had. She'd surrendered it all regardless of her aching heart. Had kept to Jake's demands to ensure he didn't get hurt. 'You're hurting and I'll forever be sorry for that but this is grown up stuff. Luke was so unwell. I wanted stability for you. I didn't want you having someone let you down every five seconds. I didn't want you to go through what I did. I needed you to be safe. I'd do anything for you baby. It's my job to protect you'

'How is keeping me from my Dad protecting me? You're protecting yourself not me!'

'No Sawyer-'

'Yes! You are. Whatever your problems are you don't get to put them on me! I'm going to have lessons with Luke and if you won't let me I'll tell him the truth!'


	14. What she wants

She looks at the headline on the magazine cover again. She never buys into this crap but there's something about the snap of her husband and the younger artist that makes her uncomfortable.

She opens her mouth and then shuts it again. Watches him out of the corner of her eye. He's just got out of the shower. His hair is still damp. His aftershave lingers in the air and she finds her mind going down a dangerous path. Finds herself wondering if him having a shower right now is out of character.

This week hasn't been easy. On either of them. Sawyer knowing the truth has caused a tornado of emotions that they're trying to navigate. They don't exactly see eye to eye when it comes to how to deal with the matter so of course it's put an added strain on their relationship. She's aware of such and wonders if she's being utterly ridiculous. Tries to stop herself from even acknowledging it but her tight lips soon part.

'You and Mia look cosy' She blurts.

He looks over at her. Hears her suspicion 'You know how this shit works' He snatches the glossy mag from her hands and tosses it in the waste paper basket that sits in the corner.

'Yes. I know how it works and I also know that whilst there's no truth in a lot of these stories you can't always deny what's fucking in front of you. Don't expect me to sit here and not question you. You told me you were with Jenny yesterday' She points out, sharing the reasoning behind that niggling feeling in the pit of her belly.

'And I bumped into Mia in town. It wasn't some planned meeting' He dismisses. 'Are you for real right now?'

'You're being really defensive right now'

'Because I can't believe you have the nerve to even come at me with this. After everything with Lucas. You've been in a magazine with him everyday for the last month. Everyday. And I haven't said a god damn word about it'

'A first' She mutters.

'You're the reason I'm suddenly being targeted with these trashy stories Peyton!'

Her temple is starting to pound because they always end up back at Lucas and she wasn't ready to go there yet. She was trying to stay clear of the "L" word. And she does get it. She gets it a hundred percent. Because they both know Jake wasn't her number one choice. Neither of them have ever said it but it's an undeniable fact. And of course it's more of a sore point this week than any other time because the daughter he's bought up has just found out that the man she's grown up calling Daddy isn't her biological father. So she does what she's been trying to do for the past few days; she does her best not to loose her temper. Tries to ignore his jealous tendencies. Ignores the innocent photos in the magazine. Because that's what they surely are. Pretends the photographer hasn't captured him looking at her most popular artist like he's only meant to look at her. Endeavours to trust him in the way he clearly struggles to trust her. Which isn't hard considering he's never given her any reason not to trust him.

She sighs. 'I'm sorry...I just...You've never lied to me before-'

'I didn't lie. I forgot. It was five minutes of my day. With everything going on with Jen and Sawyer a five minute encounter isn't that memorable' He sits down on the sofa that sits at the far side of their bed.

'Okay...I'm sorry okay?'

He watches her. Wonders if this really is the end of her doubt. A part of him relishes in her apparent jealousy because lord knows he's always the jealous one in their relationship. 'How was your day?' He changes the subject.

'Ok...Long. Julian wants us to change things up a bit for the next few shows. I get why but Lucas is anti change and...' She abruptly stops confiding because she's said the "L" word again. 'I don't want to talk about work. Tell me about Jenny. How was she today?' She joins him. Jenny is a safe topic as ironic as it is considering her current whereabouts.

He pulls her legs up onto his lap and rubs her feet.

'Better I think. She was more chatty and positive than I've seen her in a while. She was asking after Sawyer and Indie'

'They miss her. I miss her'

'You can visit her you know?'

'I know I just...'

'I know' He sighs. 'I know it's difficult what with everything with your Dad' He tersely mutters because it's not just her Dad.

'She knows I love her right?'

'Of course she does. She gets it Peyt. She knows she's put the label in the shit too- she knows you're run of your feet-'

'God I don't want her even thinking about that. How much longer do you think she'll be there?'

'I don't know. The Doctor's were talking like she could potentially come out in a couple of weeks if she keeps progressing as she is'

'So soon?' Peyton worries her bottom lip.

'We'll get her through it' She nods. His hands stop running soothingly over the soles of her tired feet. 'Has Sawyer come out of her room since she got back from school?'

'At dinner. I bribed her with pizza'

'Did she mention...'

'Yes. She wants to know if you've decided to stop being a controlling dick' His brow kinks. 'Her words, not mine'

'You don't agree?'

'Of course not but I've got the whole story...I get why. She doesn't' She pulls her legs off his lap and curls them beneath her.

'You do?'

'Of course I do. You've bought her up Babe' She wonders if he thinks so little of her. Wonders when he stopped thinking she'll always try and fight his battles. 'You're her Daddy, you're scared of anything coming in between that. You're scared that this is going to change that but you're wrong. Her feelings haven't changed over night'

'You promised me Peyton!' He bleats then.

'I kept my promise to you. I've never broken a promise to you!' He stops himself from calling her a liar. 'She found this out herself. I didn't actively tell her!'

'But you're encouraging her-'

'I'm not-'

'No? You told her we'd talk about it. You've made her think it's up for debate'

'She's not a baby anymore Jake. She does have a say. She's entitled to make her own decisions' Peyton sighs.

'So you wanna tell Lucas?'

'She's not asking for that-'

'Yet!' He abruptly jumps to his feet, arms wavering before him. 'She's not asking for that yet. First she starts spending time with him. She'll let the cat out the bag at some point and then what?'

'Then...' She takes a deep breath. Since Sawyer's blunt threat, the realisation that Lucas could potentially find out about his daughter has been weighing heavily on her shoulders. It's her worst nightmare as it is Jake's. Just not for the same reasons. He's scared of loosing his child to the man that is a constant threat to stealing his wife away. She's scared of Lucas hating her. Scared of what this piece of information will do to his mental health. Scared of him turning back to the bottle. '...then we deal with it. We act like grown ups. Lord knows if we'd done that in the very beginning everything would be different right now'

'You regret the choice we made-'

'No-'

'You just regret the choice _you_ made?!' He accuses. 'In choosing me'

'That's not what I meant-'

'No?! Why aren't you on the same page as me about this then?! You want her to have a proper relationship with an alcoholic that's 100% gonna wind up breaking her heart. He did it to you enough times, you want that for her too?!'

'He's been well for a long time Jake! It's not the same as me and him. She's not gonna be dating him! I want her to be happy!'

'And I don't?!'

'I don't think you're listening to what she wants!'

'If we'd given her every damn thing she wanted she'd have grown up with ten fucking ponies and be a bloody brat right now-'

'We're not talking about materialistic shit right now! Do you think this is easy for me? Cause it's not but I'm trying to hear her. I'm trying to let her run this because this is her life! We're talking about her family-'

'We're her family'

'Yes! Nothing is going to ever change that-'

'Not for you- you'll always be her Mum-'

'And you'll never stop being her Dad! This doesn't change that-'

'How can it not?'

'Because you're the one that sung her to sleep and held her when she rode her bike for the first time. You're the one that has guided her whenever she's been wrong. You've loved her every single day. You're the one she calls Daddy. This won't stop that. But she has a right to get to know Luke. A person can have more than one parent. Jesus if only I'd grown up with that bloody problem!' She's aware that her voice has risen. Aware that her throat is starting to hurt because everyday of the last week they've seemed to end up here in the middle of the same dispute.

'...What's the point?' He shakes his head irately.

'What?'

'There's no point in us having this conversation over and over is there? You're the one that gets the casting vote. Not me and you've already made up your mind'

'That's not-'

'It is true Peyton! What I think hasn't mattered around here for a long time'

'I know you're upset' She grits her teeth together. 'I know you've got a load of shit going on right now but don't act like we're not a team. I consult you on everything'

'Yeah? Like the tour?'

'I told you about the tour-'

'Not that my opinion mattered!'

'We've been through this Jake. I can't keep having the same conversation with you! Talk to Sawyer. She needs you to be the one to tell her you're okay with her having a fucking guitar lesson with Luke. A guitar lesson. That's all it is. That's all she's asking for! Despite all the mouth she's given you this week I know she needs your permission. I know she doesn't want to upset you' Peyton emphasises. 'You know we're only going to be here a few days here and there for the next few weeks- it's not like she's going to be able to seem him everyday' She sighs. 'You can make the final call' She surrenders. 'But know this. If you tell her no, she's going to do her utmost to let him know the truth and you'll be pushing her further and further away from you and me' The lump in the back of her throat makes her following words come out in a squeak. 'Don't let your scorn over me and Luke ruin your relationship with her Jake'


	15. Need you now

She watches. Watches her daughter's face. Her expression is all nerves and excitement. She wonders if she once looked like that in Lucas Scott's presence.

Sawyer plays back what she's just been shown on her guitar like she's always known how to do it and Lucas grins from ear to ear and blurts that she's an actual genius. His words draw a bashful laugh from the teenager's lips along with a shake of the head and a smile touches Peyton's lips at the scene.

He walks out then; Jake. He thought he wanted to be here. Wanted to loiter in the distance and make sure his daughter wasn't being stolen away. He can't watch though. Because it's like it's happening all over again. He's loosing a part of what's most important to him to the man on the other side of the window. He's lost one too many things to Lucas Scott. Or maybe Lucas Scott just had them first. Peyton's face is the final straw.

She jumps when the door slams. She tried to convince him that them being here wasn't going to help anyone through this. He'd been insistent that he observe this first lesson. It was part of the conditions he'd laid out to Sawyer.

Peyton takes a shuddery breath, digs her nails into her arm.

She doesn't know how to navigate this. Feels like she's being pulled in ten different directions. There's too many people that she's trying to appease.

Her daughter is pissed with her. Her husband is pissed with her. And the more she tries to right things the bigger the gap between them seems to get.

She does what she always does when times get tough; buries herself in work.

In this case it's not the best choice because work equals Lucas. The whole reason her family seems to be falling apart. But it's not on him. She can't blame this on him. This is on her.

She indulges in long chats. They sit in rooms alone together and it feels like it's just them in the world. Their bubble always feigns the idealistic dreams that they both still long for.

But she goes home after a show and the bubble always bursts because she's got two kids and a husband waiting for her and he's not a part of that, at least he's not meant to be a part of that. But he is. And her daughter's beaming face every time she sees her clueless father makes Peyton's heart flutter. Makes those day dreams she's spent years trying to lock tight away safely fight their way free. And it all makes her moods sporadic.

Lucas is use to it. Her hot and cold behaviour is the norm. It's been this way for a long time. Her leaning on him. Drawing him in. Then pushing him away, not too far because he has to be close enough to reel him back in. It's a game they've been playing for many years.

It doesn't mean he doesn't still find it hard. And he's becoming tired of it all.

Being on his best behaviour becomes harder everyday and it culminates.

It all comes to a head eventually. Of course it does.

He can't help himself after that set. She instigated it. She started that song. She'd been right. Of course she had. She's always right. _That_ song, that she'd been adamant they wouldn't be playing was too much for the both of them. But she'd started it.

Hearing the crowd. Watching her sing those words again. Feeling her speaking to him through music. It's the only time she's ever honest.

He doesn't knock when he walks into her dressing room.

She's alone and she's frazzled and he knows why. There's no denying it. Not after that. She can't fight it after that.

'Not now Luke'

'You sang it'

She knows. She doesn't know why. Doesn't know what made her tonight. Maybe it was hearing the song in question drift from Sawyer's room on repeat for the last few weeks. Maybe it's the way he smiled at her on stage. Maybe she just wanted to. 'Not now-'

'Fuck that' He shakes his head and stalks toward her.

Her green eyes are wide as her feet carry her backward.

She's still wearing her dress. The sequin covered top half twinkles alluringly, the fabric clinched tight across her bust before floating out into a sparkling gold material.

'Lu-'

His fingers curl around her arms. 'Shut up' he orders because he's done talking.

'Don't'

He glares at her. Dares her to repeat that. He's done listening to her words. He's been listening to her and her demands for far too long. He longs to win back some power that will make him feel a little like they're equals. She doesn't move. Can't. He doesn't hesitate. Kisses her hard. He anticipates her escape, his hands clutching her against the wall. She doesn't try to wrestle him free. She kisses him right back. She's been self restrained for thirteen years. He's tried, he's tried on several occasions but all that's ever resulted in is a slap or harsh words that remind him his hands aren't allowed to touch her anymore. He always forgets though. Because not touching her isn't natural. This is natural. Her control is commendable, truly it is but it's fraudulent. This is pure. Unadulterated. Absolute.

Desire pools between her legs. Desire heats her skin. Desire has her arching into him. Wanting more.

He eagerly hikes her dress up. Wants nothing separating them. Not anymore. There's been a wall between them for far too long. A wall he wants to demolish once and for all.

He's beside himself. Doing this with her has been a distant memory, a memory that he'd had to consider might forever be just that. A dream. A time gone. Lost.

She throws her head back as he kisses a path down her neck. She's not lost.

Her fingers grapple for his. Make do with his wrist and it's hearing her wedding ring clink against his watch that triggers her halting his endeavours to take this further.

'Stop...stop' She wills herself to ignore how damn good his mouth feels on her skin.

He ignores her. Or perhaps he just doesn't hear her.

'Luke!' Her hiss does garner his attention. 'Enough' she pushes at his shoulders. 'Stop'

He pants as his head disengages from her neck. He shakes his head. Presses his forehead hard against hers. 'Baby come on-'

'I can't'

'Yes you fucking can' She gasps as his hips jerk against her. 'Please. You can' He nods despairingly.

'...You know I can't'

'I need you Peyt.'

'I'm here' she whispers her hand grips his wrist hard, stopping his finger's decent beneath her dress because she knows all her sensible thoughts will be gone if she lets them venture any nearer to their destination. 'I'm always here for you' He grits his teeth together because she's not. Not like this. He needs her like this. 'Come on, let go'

'Peyton-'

'I'm married Luke' She feels sick. The guilt is unbearable. More so because _they're_ all right; All those people that like to judge her. She's been oh so diligent in proving them all wrong but she's finally done it. She's violated her wedding vows. Who is she kidding? She did that long ago. Maybe not physically. But she knows her feelings regarding Lucas Scott is a transgression in itself. Has been from the very beginning.

The fingers on her arm retract. The hand clutching her leg releases. Apparently the visual of her husband is enough to clear the lusty haze a little.

Her bottom lip wobbles as he steps back away from her, his hand trailing through his hair in exasperation. She wants his hands back on her. She wants his mouth back on hers. Wants him pressed against her. Wants to give him everything he wants. She wants it too. Of course she does.

'I'll tell Julian to cancel it' She whispers. 'We can't do this...we can't do the tour. I'll...I'll find another way'

His eyes squint at her for a long condemning moment and then he nods once. 'Fine, if you think that'll change anything'

'Please don't hate me' She begs.

'Believe me, I've fucking tried. My life would be a whole lot easier if it were that fucking simple Peyton!'

'Luke-'

'God knows I should fucking hate you...you've done more for me than anyone in this world but you've taken more from me than anyone too' She blinks. 'You've never let me move on'

She feels like she's just been kicked in the stomach. 'That's not true-'

'Isn't it?'

'No!' She won't have that. 'I've encouraged you to leave Tree Hill! I'm the one that's coaxed you to get away from me!'

'Yeah but you do all that and manage to keep me close at the same time! You don't even know you're fucking doing it half the time! You make me think I have a fucking chance again and again and then you go home to him' He growls.

'I want you to find someone else! I want you to be happy! All I want is for you to be happy'

'Yeah? Well you can fix that! I know you fucking feel this' His hand waves between them. 'It's still there. It's always going to be there'

She closes her eyes. Nods once. 'But it can't happen Luke'

'Why?! Because your perfect little marriage will fall apart?! Who the fuck cares?'

Her lashes snap open then. 'It's not just about us! I have kids! I have to do what's right for them!'

He grits his teeth together because her answer says a thousand things. Her answer isn't _I love Jake. I want to be with Jake._

'We did _this Luke_. We had our time. We...we gave this our best shot. And...and it ended with Keith being buried and you in rehab-'

'I'm not that man' He thrusts his finger through the air at her, his eyes suddenly manic.

'I know!...I know!'

'I still love you Peyton!'

'Don't say that' Her hand covers her eyes.

'Why? It's the god damn truth. I'm sick of pretending to every god damn person that I'm over you. I've never been over you. I'm never going to be over you. Nothing will ever get me over you'

'Luke I'm-'

'Married. I fucking know! Are you telling me you're happy with him?'

'Please stop-'

'Why?! I see how you are with him. If you were happy it would-'

'Don't! You don't know anything about me and Jake'

'No? I know you're not completely you with him!'

'And how would you know that?! You spent half of our relationship drunk! Maybe you just don't know me!'

'Don't know you?!' He snorts. 'Sure. I don't fucking know you. I know when you're pissed off. I know when you're genuinely happy. I know that music makes you feel alive. I know that the first time I saw you as a Mum it had changed everything. I know that became your focus. That as much as you fucking love music those girls are what makes you feel alive. I know that your favourite food is anything that involves cheese. I know that you hate olives but you eat them anyway because you want to like them because you have memories of your mum eating them and you'd never admit that because you hate her only you don't hate her. You're fucking mad at her. And for good reason. I love that fucking ridiculous face you make when you're concentrating, it's like you use to look in maths when you couldn't work out a sum. I know what you look like when you come-'

'That's enough' She hisses.

'Does he know? Do you fuck him in the same way?'

'Enough Luke!'

'You don't kiss him the same way'

'Lucas'

'You don't. I've seen you'

'Maybe because every time I'm with him and you're there I can feel your fucking eyes burning into me!' She exclaims.

'You wouldn't have cared who caught us when we were together'

'The girl you were with doesn't exist anymore Luke. She grew up'

'Bullshit. You can hide behind your fancy clothes. You can hide behind the music. But I still see you. I still know you'

'Then you know I have to go home now' She shudders because she needs out. This is becoming more dangerous by the second.

'Right. Run away. Hide behind your husband some more' She blinks. She's finding it harder and harder to keep the tears at bay. He steps toward her. 'Why didn't you come pick me up that day? Why did you orchestrate Mum and Hales coming?' She swallows. 'I read the letters you sent her as I tried to come to terms with the fact that my girlfriend was engaged to another man'

'Don't make out that I didn't end it before that happened. I ended it with you' She mumbles.

'Why?!' He barks into her face. She's trembling. He can't work out if it's her tears or fear. Neither is comforting. She doesn't say anything. He knows she's not going to say anything. 'I guess I was never good enough huh'

'Luke' Her face crumples.

'You know what I don't want to get into this with you...' It's pointless. He's not going to get what he wants. He never does. He knows how this this ends. 'Go home to your husband Peyton' It has to end the way it always does. With her going home to another man.


	16. No going back

He stares at her.

He's not said anything in the last ten minutes.

Her mood for the last twenty four hours had been questionable. He'd not called her on it. Had asked her if everything was ok because her phone had been ringing off the hook for the most part of the day. He'd caught the last part of her conversation with Julian. Had come to realise that there was some form of work crisis going on. Had not expected her revelation that the tour was off.

"Why?"

She jumps at his one word. Looks up from her phone. It's buzzing again. It's Julian. She ignores it. "What?"

"Why?" He repeats.

They're both sat on the bed. She swings her legs off the side. Her back suddenly to him.

"It's just not working-"

"I've seen the figures. You've sold out more tour dates in the last few weeks than ever before and Ravens even reentered the charts yesterday. If that isn't the definition of a success I don't know what is"

She blinks.

"Surely cancelling it now is going to cause more chaos. You're gonna have a load of unhappy fans-"

"We'll do the next two dates but that's it" She mutters.

He's silent. Watches her. Is sort of surprised she's not gotten up yet and tried to flea. He's sure his next words will have her trying to escape.

"...Did you sleep with him?" He quietly asks.

"What?" Her head swivels round. Predictably she stands.

"Do you think I'm stupid?" He wonders. "I told you I didn't want you going on this tour. I made it more than apparent but you fort me on it and now, after just five weeks you're calling it quits. Did you sleep with him?"

"You were right. I couldn't be away from the kids. I realised I need to be here"

"Bullshit" he dismisses. "What happened to showing our children that you don't give up on shit? Even when it gets hard?" He mimics. "Did you sleep with him?"

"No! Will you stop saying that!"

"But you wanted to" He determines wearily.

"Jake I'm home. I'm here, with you. I'm sorry I went. I'm sorry I didn't listen"

"What did you do?!" He's growing impatient. And contrary to her belief he does actually know her better than she sometimes accuses. Of course he knows her. He's been married to her for thirteen years. Even if she's not much of a confider when it comes to feelings he's come to read her in other ways. He stares at her long and hard. Her silence says a thousand words. "Peyton" He stands.

"...We kissed" She whispers. Her confession has tears welling. She risks glancing at him. She knows this can go one of two ways. Anger or anguish and she's not sure she can handle either.

He licks his lips. His head jerks as he nods curtly.

"That's all. Nothing else" She can see him inventing exactly what happened and she wants to stop him before his mind has him conjuring up the worst. "I swear Jake, that's as far as it went. I stopped it-"

"Well done you" He bitterly snarls. "How lucky I am to have a wife that has the decency to stop herself fucking another Man. How oh so touching-"

"I'm sorry" She cuts off his sarcastic drivel. "I'm so sorry...tell me what to do" He's silent. She doesn't realise it but she's holding her breath. "I'm not going to work with him. I won't-"

"You don't see him full stop! That's what's going to fucking happen here Peyton!" All of his efforts at not loosing it are forgotten. He anticipates her not being so on board with his demand. "No more fucking socialising! He's at a party we're at you stay next to me! You don't go fucking talking to him!" He growls.

"Ok" She yields to his enraged demand. "Ok"

"He's not welcome at the label at all. Not for you and not for any of your artists. He can get a fucking gig anywhere. It doesn't have to be through you"

That one stings. She doesn't fight him on it. She's fort him on it time and time again. She's told him point blank that he doesn't get to rule who she does and doesn't employ. She blinks. She doesn't dare right now.

"Ok"

He's meant to feel triumph at her compliance. She's never conformed to being told what to do before. He's getting what he's always wanted. It's taken thirteen years but she's agreeing that Lucas Scott will not be a part of her life for a moment more. Only her conformity does not feel like a win at all. It feels like the beginning of the end. Because she's admitting her feelings for Lucas Scott, she's acknowledging that she has to stay away from the man in question if she's to remain faithful.

"What...what about Sawyer?'

"What about her?" He barks.

"You told her she could have lessons with him. You can't take that back-"

"I'm not going to! But her seeing him doesn't involve you seeing him!" He's staring at their wedding photo that's stood on the shelf tormenting him. The photo he keeps in his wallet. The photo he's pretty sure she's not glanced at once since the day she said I do. He clumsily shoves it until it falls flat against the wood.

She jumps.

"This is fucking bullshit Peyton. Fuck" He kicks the chest of draws and she winces for him. Two seconds later he's marching away.

"Where're you going?"

"I need to be alone!"

"Jake..."

She grimaces as the door bangs against the wall as he flings it open. Clenches her eyes shut. Hears the front door slam just moments later.

Her phone starts buzzing. _Julian._

She inhales sharply. Swallows the lump in the back of her throat. It doesn't help.

"What Julian?" She snaps as she presses her phone to her ear. "You're not gonna be able to talk me round! The tour is done! I told you I can't talk right now...Why?! Because my fucking marriage is falling apart is why!" She catches sight of her daughter loitering in the doorway then and her breath catches. "I...I'll ring you back in a while ok" Her voice lowers. She doesn't wait for a response. Cancels the call. "Babe" She breathes.

The little girl has her thumb in her mouth. A habit her mother knows only comes out when she's nervous.

"Come here honey" Indie slowly edges into the room. Peyton runs her hand through her hair. Sits up straighter. Tugs her youngest daughter to her as soon as she's within reach. "I'm sorry babe. I didn't know you were out there" The eight year old leans on Peyton's shoulder. "How long have you been out there?" She's panicked.

"Are you and Daddy splitting up?"

Long enough Peyton assumes. "No, no honey" She shakes her head. "Mummy and Daddy just had an argument. Grown ups do that sometimes you know that. Just like you argue with your sister. What did you hear?"

Her shoulders rise and fall. "Just shouting. You just said your marriage is falling apart"

"I was being dramatic babe. I just didn't want to talk to Julian right now"

"Daddy's gone"

"He's coming back. He just needed some air"

"Did you do something bad?"

She swallows thickly. Even her kid knows she's the one at fault. "I made Daddy sad" She mutters.

"You should say sorry"

"Yeah. I did honey. And I'll say it again later"

"He'll forgive you"

"Yeah" A tear races down Peyton's cheek at her daughter's observation. She's sure he will. She just knows she doesn't deserve it.

Indie's hand strokes over her mother's face. Wipes the tear away.

"I'm so sorry baby" Peyton whispers. She doesn't do crying. Especially in front of her children.

"Don't cry Mummy"

"I'm being silly. Come here. I need one of your bear hugs"

•••

"Hello?" He didn't expect her to answer. "Luke?"

"I know you're pissed with me still but I need someone to talk to"

"Okay...?" She cautiously answers. "What's up?"

"I know it's late there and you're probably in bed-"

"You can call me anytime. You know that" He's not wrong. She's in bed. Curls onto her side. Her eyes still shut. She listens to his breathing for a few moments. "Luke?"

"I'm sorry I was a dick" He apologises. "I'm sorry I'm only ringing now. I didn't know what to say"

"You just said it. You were a dick. You're forgiven. Always" She easily murmurs. "Now how about you tell me what's wrong?"

"You were right. Okay? You're always fucking right Hales"

"What happened?" She sighs. "Did you fuck her?"

"No. Of course not... She didn't let it get that far"

"You wanted to though" He doesn't answer. "Stupid question Hales" She mutters to herself.

"I can't do this anymore! I can't keep declaring to the whole world that I'm fucking over her. I'm not. I'm not over her. I'm never going to over her am I? I can't be around her. I can't be her friend can I?" He rants.

Haley swallows. Can hear that he's pacing back and forth. "I don't know. Some people can...I think when that happens though it's a different kind of love that those two people shared...I could never be Nate's friend"

"...He wants you to go to the championships by the way. He asked me to ask you" He blurts.

She sits up then. She's very much awake. "What?"

"The Championships. I know you know when it is. Go. He wants you there. He asked me to ask you"

"He did?"

"Yeah" He can hear the smile in her voice. "And after you're going to fucking go to him. You're going to tell him for the hundredth time that you're sorry that you were a dick and that you love him" He suggests. "He misses you Hales" She bites her lip. "...I need to go away don't I?"

"Running away never achieves anything. Trust me. I should know"

"I'm just tormenting myself by being near her all the time"

"You need to cut her loose. No texting her. No calling her just for a chat. No running anytime she says she needs you. You see her, you politely say _Hey Peyton, how are you?_ Nothing more...Does Jake know?"

His shoulders rise and fall. "I doubt it. I think I woulda had a visit from him by now if he did, christ I want a fucking drink right now"

"Luke" Haley breathes into the phone.

"I'm fine Hales" He sighs. "I'm not gonna do anything" She doesn't answer. He can hear shuffling and silently berates himself. He hadn't meant to speak so freely. Knows his confession has just sparked her panic. "You still there?"

"I'm here" She murmurs.

"I didn't mean that. Don't freak out. I'm fine"

"You're not fine. She does this to you Luke. Don't you see how toxic it is?"

"Mm"

"Fuck I wish I was there right now. Let me see if I can get a flight-"

"Absolutely not. It's late here and the middle of the night there. I've just woken you up. You're not flying back here because I don't need you to. You've got a gig tomorrow at that weird venue you love don't you"

"You've been tracking the tour" She notes with a smile then.

"Of course I am stupid"

"I hate it when we don't talk Luke"

"Me too. Let's not do that again"

"I don't mean to tell you what to do when it comes to Peyton I just...it bothers me how much you're hurting"

"I don't mean to judge when it comes to you and Nate. I just wish you guys could get your shit together"

"I love you buddy"

"Love you too Hales" He winces as headlights suddenly shine in his face as a car approaches his house. "You texted Whitey the second I phoned didn't you?" His smile has dwindled. "Haley!"

"You expect me to do nothing? A call that can't wait till morning always suggests that you clearly need someone with you right now"

"You're like a fucking annoying ninja with that phone, you know that?"

"Uhuh. It's called speaker phone Luke. Makes multi-tasking pretty easy...Talk to him"

"Like I have a fucking choice now"

"I'll call you tomorrow. You can pick me up on Saturday and come to the Championships with me too" She decides.

"Okay"

"Bye dickhead"

"Bye"

"Haley?" Whitey asks. He's out of the car and slowly walks up to the porch where Lucas is sat.

"Interfering friend? Yes, that would be her. You didn't need to come Whitey. It's late. You know what Hales is like"

"She's a good friend and very perceptive" The older man nods.

"You didn't need to dash round here like it's a matter of life or death" He knows by Whitey's swift appearance that he'd rushed to get here.

"That's up for debate. Why didn't you call me?"

"Because it's after midnight. You're an old man that needs his rest" He jests.

"An old man that isn't afraid to beat your ass" Whitey reminds him. "Rough night then I take it?" He sits down.

"It was sorta good until it wasn't" he smirks.

Whitey isn't amused. "Am I gonna have to guess what happened or are you gonna start talking?"

Lucas huffs. Knows he's not getting rid of the man beside him until he spills the beans. "She sang our song. The one she's been refusing to sing for weeks"

"I know the one" Whitey nods.

"She was real. For three minutes on stage she was herself. She was honest and fucking beautiful"

"I'm assuming there's more"

"...We kissed. Well I sorta stormed into her dressing room backstage and kissed her"

"Working hard on the letting Peyton go thing then" Whitey eyes him.

"Are you that surprised?"

"Not in the slightest. I know you better than you do Luke. But it doesn't stop me from being hopeful that you'll surprise me. Did you think about Jake at all?"

"Gees has he employed you as his personal advocate or something?" He grumbles.

"You might not like the guy Luke but he's done no wrong here"

"That's a matter of opinion isn't it...It stopped because of Jake you'll be pleased to know"

"Because she stopped it. Because she's married and has a conscience. Because she made vows to be faithful. To Jake...Imagine being in his shoes-"

"I'd never fucking be in Jake's shoes. She doesn't love him!"

"You think she still has feelings for you" Whitey hums.

"I don't think. I fucking know. Everyone knows and he does too! I couldn't be with someone knowing they weren't fully committed to me"

"That's not entirely true. You're not with Peyton, she isn't bound to you in anyway but you've been making do with the parts of her life she's been wiling to share with you for a long time"

"That's different"

"How? She's been married to another man for twelve years Luke and you've not given up hope that you might one day have a life with her in the way you'd like. Jake might very well not be blind to her feelings but him holding onto his marriage vows despite everything is, in a way, no different to what you're doing"

"So you agree she has feelings for me?" He sniggers, earning a glare. "...It's not the same in anyway"

"Why? Because you had her first and you feel like he took her from you?"

"He did!"

"And Peyton didn't have a say in any of it?"

Lucas' nostrils fare. "I know it was ultimately her choice but she was meant to be with me- she was with me one moment and the next" He shakes his head.

"Do you think it's fair to say your view of what happened is slightly skewed given your mental state back then" Lucas presses his hands to his temple. "I watched your relationship with Peyton break down over a series of months Luke. Even after all this time you still talk about it like it happened in just days. Like she was with you and then" He snaps his fingers. "The next married to Jake"

"She wanted to be with me one day and the next she was gone"

"She fort for you time and time again. But there's only so much fighting a person can do before they become exhausted. Jake could offer her what you couldn't. Security, love and tenderness, a life that wouldn't imitate that of her childhood. You know how tough being a kid was for her. Can you blame her for not wanting that again? Not wanting that for her children?"

"I know Jake is the better man Whitey" He bites. "But I got better for her"

"I didn't say Jake is the better man. I'm just saying what I've said time and time again. Peyton's decision isn't as mind boggling as you make out. You have all this anger and resentment but maybe it's time you accepted that you weren't ready to be what she needed back then. You weren't ready to be the man she deserved"

"I do get that. I whole heartedly understand. I'm ready now though! I've spent a decade working on me. On being what she needs"

Whitey nods. "Right. So perhaps you should stop dwelling on the past and blaming other people for time you've lost with Peyton"

"I blame no one but me"

"That's what you say..."

"Is it crazy for me to want a fucking explanation?"

"An explanation"

"Yes. I know her. I know there's more than just me being a fucking mess"

Whitey watches him for a long moment. "...She came to me Luke...I've never told you this because, well quite frankly I'm sure there have been times in the past when you'd have stormed off and never spoken to me again"

"What do you mean she came to you? Came to you when?" He squints. "Whitey?"

"She came to me...shortly after she had you admitted to rehab that last time...Keith had been trying to convince her to end it with you for months. I don't think you know that"

"...No. He wouldn't have done that. He loved Peyton. He loved me-"

"Yes. He loved the both of you and that's why. He wanted you to get better. He needed you to. He didn't mean for forever. He just wanted you to separate with the hope you'd find a reason to fight to get better. He knew she could be that, knew she was the only one that could be that for you...and then well, the accident... after that night" He shakes his head. "She felt like it was her fault. Like she should've listened to Keith, like it could've all been prevented if she'd ended it with you earlier" Lucas's eyes are wide. "And when she came to me. Well, I agreed with Keith, I thought you both needed time apart. I convinced her that it was the right thing to do Luke. In honour of Keith"

"...What?"

"She kept saving you. Keith was right. You had nothing to fight for- you-"

"So you told her to marry another man?!"

"No! No, I just suggested she needed to let you go for a little while, for the both of you. She was a mess. I don't think you realise how fragile she was back then Lucas. You were making her ill too"

"I don't believe this" He rises to his feet.

"I was scared of what would happen to the both of you if you carried on in that cycle. It wasn't healthy"

"You guilted her"

"I don't think so. I helped her get her thoughts in order. I helped her realise that sometimes love involves sacrifice. She saw Keith's life as a sacrifice. She didn't want it to be for nothing, there was no option for her but for you to get better, so loosing Keith would mean something..."

"It still doesn't make sense. She followed his wishes! She ended it under your fucking guidance and then she married him!"

"...Maybe she fell in love"

"Or maybe Peyton being Peyton thought that me being better was determined by her not being with me anymore!" He jumps to his own conclusions. "She's scared that being with me again will result in me falling off the wagon!"

"Lucas-"

"That's what she thinks isn't it?!"

"I don't know what she thinks! I do know that those two children of hers come first. Will always come first-"

"Her staying in a loveless marriage for her kids is bullshit"

"It's when you make observations of that kind that I fail to see how you've changed Luke. You know her children are her world. You know how important it would be for her to make sure her children's childhood wasn't reminiscent of the unstable one she had-"

"She's not her bloody parents Whitey. She's not. Her and Jake are grown ups. They can split up amicably and leave the kids unscathed"

"I don't think you can foresee how anybody will handle a divorce Luke...I can't see Jake being all that amicable if he were loosing his wife to you. Can you?" Lucas pinches the bridge of his nose. "You need to stop seeing her. You can't be her friend. You know you can't"

"...I do know"

"You can't force her to make the decision that you crave. If she's ever going to leave Jake it's going to have to be her choice. She's going to have to get there by herself. That might be next week, in a month, in a year, it might be never, but it's her choice, not yours...If we're lucky… if we're the luckiest people on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back...and if they don't well you do the only thing you can. You treasure every little thing they did give you. If you miss them, that means you're one of the lucky ones. It means you had someone special in your life, someone worth missing, even if it was only for a little while. No one can take that away from you...throw yourself into a new dream Luke. You never know where the next miracle's going to come from. If you believe that it's right around the corner, you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it, you never know what or who you might find."


	17. Every song has an ending

"Honey" The older woman beams, wipes her hands on her pants as she gets to her feet.

"The garden looks beautiful as always" Peyton murmurs as two warm arms find their way around her.

"Not as beautiful as my favourite flower"

Peyton laughs into her shoulder. "Nonsense. I can't compete with your award winning roses Anna"

Anna smiles and draws back from their lingering embrace, her soiled hands unable to keep away; her fingers find Peyton's face and cup her cheeks. "I missed you sweetie"

"I miss you. As much as I love this place I do wish you were closer"

"I'm working on it" Anna winks.

'Wait, what?"

"Larry's contract will be up soon, I've been wanting to move back to Tree Hill for a good while now"

"Really?" Peyton's eyes glaze over in all of an instant at the prospect of having them so near again.

"Oh honey don't cry"

"It's happy tears. I'd so love it if you came back home"

"Come sit" She tugs her over to a bench.

"It's my fault you left in the first place-"

"Let's not have that conversation for the umpteenth time. Not your fault. End of"

Peyton's eyes narrow but she bites her tongue and stops herself from rehashing the past "...Is Larry at work?"

"He'll be back in a bit so I get you all to myself for a while" Anna smiles wickedly before becoming more serious. "You didn't tell me you were coming today"

"It wasn't exactly planned"

"Has something happened?" Peyton shakes her head unconvincingly. "You look tired honey. Is it Jenny? Has something else happened? Are Sawyer and Indie ok?"

"Everyone is fine. Jenny is getting there. I just needed..." Her shoulders shrug. She's not sure what she needs. She'd just got in the car and driven and then the next thing she knew she was here and then she's crying.

"Oh sweetie" Anna takes her back in her arms. "Tell me everything" She coos.

"I...I kissed Luke" It comes out with a shaky sob. '...and J-Jake knows a-and..." Anna's hand that's been making soothing circles on her back slows. "...I don't know what I'm d-doing"

"Luke as in Lucas Scott" Anna hums quietly, it's not really a question. She knows the answer.

"...yes" Peyton wipes at her face and looks up at the older woman she's adored since she could walk. The nanny that had been employed by her parents. The nanny that had begged Ellie and Mick Wolf for custody of a then 8 year old Peyton. A conversation that had been instigated when said child had rung up the Sawyers in the middle of the night, terrified because she was home alone. The nanny that had been fired when Peyton was eleven because both Anna and Larry had tired of the Wolf's parenting or lack there of and had taken her to their own home. The nanny that her parents had had an order placed upon not to come within contact of Peyton Wolf or the Wolf property. A restraining order that Peyton had begged her parents to take back, that had been ignored. An order that had resulted in the Sawyers moving in fear of getting into further trouble with the law.

"Oh honey"

"Sawyer is his!" Now she's started she can't stop. Untold secrets she's tried her hardest to keep buried spout free. "Sawyer is his and she knows and I-I"

Anna's eyes widen because she liked to think she knew the girl before her better than most, better than herself at times. She was the daughter she'd never had, the child she'd so desperately wanted to care for in ways she'd never been permitted. She often wondered how different things would've been if they'd been granted custody. "...but Jake" is all Anna can mumble.

"Jake knows! Jake has always known. I'm horrible, I'm a h-horrible, awful person"

"Shhh" Anna's hand resumes it's soothing motions. "You're not an awful person"

"No? Jenny is in re-rehab a-and I d-didn't even kn-know she was st-struggling! I should've known and I-I I've not seen her since cause I-c-can't- I j-just c-can't! Sawyer f-found out th-that Luke is h-her Dad and she h-hates me, she, she's confused! Jake's mad at me! Luke is mad at me!"

"Lucas knows?"

"No, no..." She gasps for breath.

"...why didn't you tell me all this at the time sweetie?" She blinks, is trying to digest all this news. Just twenty minutes ago she'd been tending her flowers. Sipping on tea. She's more than overwhelmed by Peyton's abrupt visit and chaotic confession.

"...I guess I...I didn't want you to be disappointed in me"

"How could I ever be disappointed in you? I know how much you loved that boy...it was always a big surprise to me and Larry when you told us you were marrying Jake...but I was grateful after what happened with Keith, so grateful because after you showed up here in the state you were in after that time he...I was so worried about the path you were going down and I know, I know in my heart it's as you say it was, he didn't strike you maliciously but a black eye is a black eye... " Peyton sniffles. "I met him before it all became such a mess. He was a good boy and he's turned into a good man. He had some problems and he got help"

Peyton nods, her bottom lip wobbling. "...The night I found out I was pregnant I fell down a flight of stairs" She whispers. Pandora's box is open. It's darkest secrets unleashed. "I told you I broke my arm horse riding" The creases on Anna's forehead deepen. "...you were so angry when I turned up here that day with a black eye, I didn't want you to hate him even more. He didn't mean too. He didn't, I was trying to get a bottle of whisky off of him and we were playing tug of war and one moment I was standing and the next..."

Anna gulps. "Sweetheart"

"...when the doctor told me I was pregnant I...I didn't want that life for her" Her nostrils flare. "I thought I'd just get an abortion cause leaving Luke wasn't a-an option" She shakes her head because even saying that out loud makes her feel sick. "I went, I went to do it but, but when it came to it I couldn't do it...she was my baby. I was going to tell him. I really was, but Jake he, he was there all the time and..." she claws her hand through her hair. "I could've lost her and because of Luke. After months of feeling like I couldn't breathe, like everything was falling apart..."

"Jake looked after you"

"He's so good. He's always been so good he, he reminds me of Larry and I, I love him I do, he...it was him that suggested it and I, I knew he'd be a good Dad and, and Luke couldn't he couldn't back then..." Anna is silent for a long minute. "You think I'm awful-"

"No. No" Anna firmly cuts off. "I think you were in a situation that anyone would find hard. I think you were young. I think at that point you'd dealt with more than any adult should, let alone a child. You witnessed your Mumma and Daddy do far too many awful things...I wish you'd told me so I could've helped you"

Peyton nods. She wishes that too. "...you-you would've made m-me do the ri-right th-thing"

"...and what's that?" Anna murmurs.

"...you would've made me tell Luke...now it's all too messy" She whispers.

Anna hesitates. "...he has a right to know sweetheart" She hums. "You can't expect Sawyer to keep this to herself. It's her truth"

"...I know"

"It's never too late to make things right...you're right, I would've tried to convince you to be honest with him back then. But I would've been resolutely against you staying with him. He's at fault here too. Pushing you down a flight of stairs, drunk or not" Anna shudders.

"He didn't push me. It was just an accident"

"It makes my heart ache all the times I've failed to protect you"

Peyton snorts then. "Are you kidding?! You and Larry are the only two people in this world that have protected me. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you"

"Oh yes you would, your strength comes from within Peyton Wolf and it astounds me how you've done all the things you have. I'll forever be proud of you"

"You always make me feel better"

"Well that's good because you're stuck with us...do you still love him? Lucas?" She pushes her tongue to the roof of her mouth "I've only been with Larry but I've had enough friends and been around long enough to know that love comes in all shapes and forms but when you've experienced that all encompassing kind of love it, it's something else entirely. I found it young and I thank the heavens everyday that my path was so easy in that sense...your path hasn't been so straight forward but I think you experienced that all encompassing kind of love just as young as I did...huh?"

Peyton's nostrils flare. "...I didn't want her to have the same life as me. Watching them fighting and-"

"I know"

"I wanted to give her a life that you and Larry wanted to give me. Why did he have to drink?! Why wasn't I enough?! I couldn't do it! I couldn't, I don't know how many hotel rooms I've walked into wondering if that day was the day I was gonna find him dead! I didn't recognise him anymore. I swore I'd never be with someone like my Dad and it felt like over night I was in a relationship with a carbon copy!" Her tears are relentless. "Every-every time I-I tried to h-help h-he got worse! And th-then with-without me he g-got b-better"

"For you honey. He got better for you...maybe your time wasn't back then but that doesn't mean your time can't be someday...you've put your children before you for a long time. You can't do that forever" She coos. "Lucas has turned everything around and that is down to you. You paid for every stint in rehab. You never gave up on him...did Jake find out about this kiss or did you tell him?"

"I...I told him"

"And what did he have to say?"

"He says I can't see Luke anymore"

"And what did you have to say about that?"

"I...I agreed. I'm married to Jake. It's the right thing"

"The right thing isn't always the easiest thing. The right thing is often the more difficult in my experience. Leaving you was the most difficult thing we've ever done but it meant I could continue to see you. It meant that when you were old enough to make your own decisions you could. I had to have faith that when you turned 18 you'd still want to see us and would find a way back to us. You dd"

Peyton frowns. Blinks "...the second I tell Luke about Sawyer he won't want anything to do with me ever again. I know him and what if it pushes him to drink?! I'd never live with myself if-'

'If he drinks that's his decision. His. Not yours. Darling he's let you down a million times but...I see that heart of yours and I don't think it ever really left him. You don't know that he's going to let you down again"

"...I couldn't handle it if he did" she whispers. "I couldn't handle it if he broke the girls hearts as well as mine"

"You can't protect them forever. But you can always be there for them"

"...I can't leave Jake, not after everything he's done-"

"Forgive me if I sound disrespectful but it was never his place to convince you he was a better man to bring up Sawyer. I know that was ultimately your choice but something tells me he played a big part in that"

"You love Jake" Peyton's glassy eyes search the older woman's face.

"...of course I like Jake, but darling there's a lot I've been in the dark about over here. This" Anna's hand finds Peyton's chest. "This heart is what I'm most concerned about right now...do you really think you can keep to that agreement sweetie? To not see Luke? Because I know your stubborn but..."

Peyton's bottom lip wobbles. "...I don't think Luke is gonna want to see me again anyway"

Anna snorts. "Well I know that's not true"

"...he said I've never let him move on and god I, I...I want him to be happy, if, if not seeing me is what he needs, then, then it's best for him and for me"

"...is it? Or is it just another way for you to both hide from your feelings?"

•••

"Hey Luke" She's grinning widely as she skips up the last step onto his porch. She's excited.

He puts the book down that he'd been pretending to read for the last half an hour down and looks at the teenager in confusion. Confused is the only word for it. "Sawyer, hey-"

"Guitar lesson" She wavers her instrument in the air triumphantly as a reminder because she's come to the conclusion that he's forgotten. She swallows her disappointment.

Lucas frowns. "Er..." His mouth can't seem to summon words and the sight of Jake waltzing up his front yard has him stiffening.

"Go on inside Sawyer. Me and Luke need to have a word quick before your lesson" Jake's voice is lower than normal. His stare hard.

Sawyer's rounded eyes skitter between the two men, her own frown working it's way onto her face as Jake ushers her through the door.

Lucas sighs as the door clicks shut. "...You know then I take it?" He knows by the sickened expression on the man before him. Knows, because there's no way in hell that Jake would be stood on his porch right now otherwise. "Look Jake I...I really am sorry but this, this isn't just on me!"

"No?! Why can't you just accept that she's not yours anymore!" Lucas frowns at that. Stands because he doesn't like the way he's being loomed over "Just stay the fuck away from her"

"You know you don't own her right?! She's the one that finds it impossible to stay away from me!" He can't help himself. This man turns him into this. Always has always will. He can't be a grown up.

"You're out of the label. She's not going to see you anymore. There's no more of this 'just friends' bullshit"

He sniggers. "You know Peyton never likes being told what to do Jakey"

"It was her fucking proposal actually" Jake scathingly retorts. Lucas's jaw tenses. "So you can expect a call from Julian shortly I'm sure, two more shows. That's it. And if I find you've tried anything with her so help me..."

He knows Jake is telling the truth in that moment. He'd foolishly thought that her mumbled words about ending the tour wouldn't actually result in that. Peyton said a lot of things after all. "...I actually think that's for the best" He sighs eventually. Jake's brow raises, surprised by the defeated expression on his rivals face. "Why have you bought Sawyer here for a fucking guitar lesson if you both want me out of your lives right now? I think it's best you find her another teacher-"

"She wants you"

"Yeah well I, I'm sorry about that but I...like you say. I need to stay away and giving the girl I love's kid tuition isn't ideal"

Jake grits his teeth together because despite not being blind to Lucas's affections for his wife he's never heard him say out loud. He wonders if he told her that. Wonders if that's what had her making out with him. He redirects his thoughts because he's on a dangerous road that leads to his fist colliding with the man before him and his kid is inside and if she's anything like her mother she's probably peering through a window somewhere. "Don't take this out on Sawyer" He hisses quietly.

"I'm not" Lucas scowls. "I thought you'd be over the moon. I'm sure you've been talked into this little fucking arrangement of having your kid come here anyway"

"Sawyer is at an age where she can make her own decisions. If you were a parent you'd understand that. No I don't like it but she wants lessons and she wants them with you" He shrugs. "So she's going to have them with you"

Lucas stares at him hard. "...You're a better man than me Jake"

"Oh, I fucking know that!" He laughs. "I'll pick her up in an hour" He's already walking away.

Lucas opens and closes his mouth. "Today- I'll give her a lesson today but you're gonna have to find someone else!"

•••

"What was that about?" Sawyer wonders.

"Oh nothing"

"It didn't sound like nothing"

"Were you eavesdropping?"

"As much as I could" She shrugs.

Lucas smirks amusedly. "You're so your mother's kid...Your Dad hates me. I'm sure that isn't news to you huh?"

"...Did something...happen?...Between you and Mum?"

"Huh?"

"I'm not stupid. The tour ends abruptly. The tour Mum has been acting like nothing could get in the way of because the label depends on it. Dad's suddenly pissed"

Lucas sighs. The kid wasn't stupid. "Honestly?" The last thing he's about to be is honest but he can give her some version of the truth. "We can't work together" He admits. "It's just too hard. I know you know that we were together back when we were kids, our friendship has always been a little rocky. Working together isn't good for either of us. We don't see eye to eye about a lot of things"

"You always seem to get on"

"Of course we do in front of you. When alone it's a little harder to keep up the act. We've said one too many horrible things to each other to move on from. You'll get it when you're older"

"What'll happen to the label though?"

"Your Mum is smart and she's got the best team around her. She'll figure it out with Julian"

"Why is Dad so mad at you?"

He laughs then. "Sweetheart I had a relationship with his wife. Of course he's gonna hate me...he's a better man than I'll ever be though"

"Why?"

"...I don't think I'd let my kid have lessons with a man I hate, even if it was what she wanted"

"He didn't want me to. I know Mum convinced him"

"He agreed though didn't he?...what's so appealing about having lessons with me anyway? I'm sure your Mumma could hook you up with anyone"

"You're the best"

He laughs. "Kid, you should think your Dad is the best"

"I do" she nods. "I do...' She blinks. Averts her eyes to the guitar on her lap. "You don't want to give me lessons anymore- I did make out that bit" She mutters.

Lucas purses his lips together for a moment. "...I"m sorry you heard that bit kiddo, I just...the truth is, I just don't want you stuck in the middle of any crap- that's not fair on you"

"I'm not my Mum"

"No, but you sure as hell look like her"

"So you don't want to see me cause I look like her?" She's scowling now. "If I could change anything about myself it would be that I look like her!"

Lucas's brow shoots up with her almost aggressive declaration. "...that's absurd- have you seen your mother?" Sawyer's arms cross tightly over herself. "She's so damn beautiful-"

"Exactly! I have to be compared to the most beautiful girl in the whole world for the rest of my life!"

"No one is comparing you to her-"

"No?! You don't want to give me lessons because I look like her! I'm not her! I'm nothing like her!"

Lucas closes his eyes. He's overwhelmed because her voice is shrill and intense and he's upset her and he doesn't know how the hell to handle her. "I'm sorry...I, you're...I just..." He sinks back into his chair, looks at her through squinting eyes. Stops himself from confiding things that he really shouldn't "...I'll give you lessons, ok? If you still want me to I'll give you lessons"

She's squinting right back at him. "...You swear?"

"I just said didn't I?"

She holds her hand out to be shaken. "You can't take it back"

Lucas bemusedly shakes her outstretched hand. "...I keep my promises"

"...I'm not like my Mum" She spins away and walks toward the window. The confusing feelings she's been carrying around with her are suddenly on the surface. "...whatever shitty thing she's done to you now isn't my fault"

"...you're quick to assume she's in the wrong" He notes.

"...She hasn't upset you?" She looks back over her shoulder.

"I'm not going to start talking to you about your Mum"

"We already are. Everyone thinks she oh so perfect but she's not. I hate her"

"Woah" Lucas shakes his head. "Sawyer don't say that"

"Why not? It's the truth!"

"No, no it's not"

"You don't know anything" She mumbles.

"I know your mother on a level that not many people do actually" He argues. "And she's the best Mum" Sawyer snorts. Lucas watches her carefully. "I don't know what's happened between the two of you but please believe me when I say your Mum puts you two first always"

She teeters with spurting out the truth. The truth that she's sure will have him siding with her.

"You have no idea about all the things your Mum had been through by the time she was your age" Her interest peaks suddenly. "She didn't have the doting parents that you've got-"

"I know, Grandad was wasted and her Mum upped and left...Nobody breathing down your neck doesn't sound so bad" She mumbles.

"Hey" Lucas is beside her now and his soft bark makes her jump. "No child should feel unloved-"

"Grandad does love her" The thirteen year old disputes.

"Yes. Of course he does but he put having a drink before her one too many times"

"Is that what you did?" The question escapes her lips. It catches him of guard because they weren't talking about him. "...sorry I just-"

"No, no. Yes. That is what I did... Being an alcoholic isn't a choice. It's a disease and it destroys peoples lives. It destroyed your Mum's childhood and her parents marriage. She had nights when she was a little kid and would wake up crying for your Mum but she wasn't there, no one was there. And then there was the fighting- plates smashing, fist fights! And the countless occasions she was on a tour bus with everyone around her taking drugs"

Sawyer's eyes are wide because Lucas's depiction of her mother's youth isn't as vague and child friendly as her Mum's version.

"I know you've got your heart set on being some little teen sensation but your Mum not signing you is just another great example of what a good parent she is. She's going to protect you for as long as she can"

Sawyer swallows. He's visibly upset. "...did you hurt her?"

"What?"

"Grandad is so nice now but he had a temper once he'd had a drink-"

"Your Mum's parents always had a tumultuous relationship-"

"Yours and Mum's wasn't like that?"

"No ours wasn't like that. I loved your Mum so much...I'm sure you know about what happened to Keith...he hauled your Mum out of the car that night. He stopped her from coming with me. If he hadn't she'd be dead right now...so yes, I hurt her. I ruined our relationship. I let my need for alcohol eat away at everything good in my life. But that doesn't mean I didn't love her"

'...Do you still?"

He sighs because he doesn't know how they ended up here and he doesn't know how to stop her questions. "We're meant to be having a lesson" He's painfully aware how wildly inappropriate this line of questioning is. Especially now. And he has to wonder if she knows exactly what's gone on.

"Dad thinks you do. They argue about it sometimes" Lucas ignores her statement and marches back over to her abandoned guitar.

"Here. Play"

Sawyer smiles then. "Really good teaching"

"Yeah? Well you're not being the best student"

"Students ask questions"

"Uhuh. About the subject they're studying"

"I feel like there's a lot I don't know about Mum" She shrugs. It's a simple truth.

"She's the best one to ask"

"That's debatable" He smirks because she sounds beyond her years in that moment. "I just want to know everything"

"Says the kid that said not fifteen minutes ago that she hates the woman in question" He teases.

She scowls. "...I just feel like sometimes there's, there's this wall between us"

"Kid, all you have to do is listen to any record of hers. She's always completely her when she's singing. Do you two make music together?"

"From what I can tell it's best not to mix family with music"

"That's what you've learnt?" Lucas's face contorts. "That's heartbreaking. Every great song your mother has ever written comes from love and life...family. They come together. And they clash sometimes but life isn't all rainbows. You should let your parents play music with you from time to time. It might make for the best song"

"Maybe...can I play you something I've been working on?"

"Hit me with it"

A shy smile touches her lips. "Kay...I'm stuck after the first bit though"

"You'll find the middle and the end, the beginning is always the toughest"

"I don't know. Don't you get scared of the ending?"

"Why?" He cocks his head.

"I don't know. What if it doesn't turn out as good as the beginning?"

"Are we still talking about music?" He squints. He was more than familiar with the teenager's mother talking in riddles.

She rolls her eyes. "Still talking about music. Never mind" She begins to strum, her eyes fixating on her fingers because she can't look at him. Is scared he'll see through her. Because the truth is she is scared. So scared about what he thinks about her. What he'll think about her if he finds out the truth. She so badly wants to scream it but at the same time she wants to pretend she never found out. She never wants this song to end. But deep down she knows it has to, even the best songs have an ending.


	18. When it hurts so bad

"Where were you?" He doesn't look up from the i-pad propped on his lap.

She knows what he's actually asking. She puts her handbag down on the counter top. "I've not seen Lucas"

"I know"

"You know" She edges into the living room where he's sat.

"I took Sawyer to have her lesson. You weren't there. Unless you went to great lengths at hiding your car" He knows that's not the case.

Her face crumples because she dreads to think what words have been said, she dreads to think what her daughter has witnessed in her absence. "Please tell me you didn't get into a fight with him with Sawyer there"

"Give me a bit more credit" He sniggers. "Some of us are capable of curbing our instincts" He closes the screen of his i-pad and shifts it onto the arm of the chair before looking up at her then. "You still haven't answered me. Where were you?"

"I went to see Anna and Larry" His eyes narrow suspiciously. "What reason would I have to lie to you? I've been nothing but honest about everything Jake" She wearily declares. "Where're the girls?"

"Sawyer is upstairs. Indie is in the den watching a film"

"They been ok?"

"Mmm. Bit quiet"

"Have you eaten?"

"No"

"...I'll make something"

He snorts because she's never cooked in her life. "We can order in" She nods because that probably makes more sense. "How are Anna and Larry?"

"Ok"

"That's good"

"They're thinking of moving back here"

"Wow, that's big"

"I'd love it"

"Yeah" He stands. Gives up feigning interest in her day. His mind is consumed with _other_ things. Walks over to the kitchen island and seeks out the take out menus. "What do you fancy?"

"I don't mind. Whatever you want" She hesitantly joins him. He doesn't argue. "...are we gonna talk about this-"

"Pizza" He decides.

"I think we should-"

"I've said everything I want to say. We're fine ok" He nods and she grimaces because she knows they're far from ok. He's far from ok. "It's all good babe" He forces a smile. "I'll order this" He wavers the menu. Doesn't ask her what she wants. Knows what her choice will be without asking. Only she doesn't want anything right now. She doesn't think she can stomach anything. She thinks they should talk. Thinks there's so much to say. Anna had given her strength but that courage seems to have ebbed away during the car journey home. She's following his lead. Doing what he wants. They're seemingly going to pretend like nothing has happened. She's going to tread on eggshells for the next few weeks. He's gonna make her work for forgiveness. Then one day he'll come in and they'll be back to normal. Well as normal as can be until it all blows up again, which it will because it's not resolved. It's never resolved.

She keeps to her word. She doesn't see Lucas. Well not alone. They have to do two more tour dates because there's not enough time to deal with the ramifications of cancelling them so close to the day. She's whisked in and out of the venues. They perform together but no hellos and goodbyes are said. Not that they ever needed that. They always could speak without words. Their eyes linger. She wants to say sorry. Wants to explain. He wants to interrogate her.

And then it's over. Chaos still ensues. They're on the front page of every magazine. Speculations have been made of course. Her statement that family problems have meant she's had to postpone dates and end the tour only get's her so far. Somehow the few shows they did do have kept their original album in the charts and it doesn't seem to be going anywhere and she doesn't understand. It's like the whole world is championing the break down of her marriage.

It's six weeks later when she breaks her promise. Breaks her silence. Can't not because she's heard something through word of mouth that has her fuming.

"You're selling the house?" This isn't why she's here but the for sale sign in the front yard that she's just been confronted with has left her reeling.

"...Yeah" He can't say he's that surprised that she's turned up. It was only a matter of time. He's sat on the porch swing, his guitar laying beside him.

"Luke..." Her mind is whirling. A knot in her stomach.

"What're you doing here?" He stands.

She swallows. She didn't hear his question "...Selling the house is big change" She notes gently.

"There's no such thing as small change" He disputes. "...did you actually want something?"

Her brow rises because he's being short. Understandably so but it still stings. "You can't just make huge decisions without-"

"I've not fallen off the fucking wagon Peyton" He knows where her mind has gone.

"Okay but...Are you going to your meetings and-"

"Don't do that"

"What?"

"I've not spoken to you in six weeks. I'm not your problem anymore. I don't need you checking in. Nobody is asking you to be here" he flaps his hands and his glowering stare is taunting. It's her cue to go but she doesn't take it. 'Why're you here?"

"...I heard you're going on the road with Kris Keller. Is it true?" It's what's lured her here. It's what's consumed her all morning.

"He needs a guitarist. I need a job don't I?" He answers her enraged question.

"What about Hales?"

"I wouldn't ask her to fire the guy that she's got on the road with her now-"

"I didn't mean that. I meant what about your best friend?! Do you not think she'll be a little upset that you're touring with the guy that destroyed her relationship with your brother?! What will Nate say Lucas?!"

"Since when do you come to Nate's defence?!"

"Just because he doesn't particularly like me and I don't see Hales that much doesn't mean I don't fucking care about them!" She bleats her irritation.

"Why?!"

"Because I fucking care about you you idiot. And I know how important he is to you. How important Haley is to you! I don't want you falling out over something so stupid!"

He stares at her. "...Haley and Nathan are fine with it"

"What?"

"This was her idea actually"

"What? Are her and Kris-"

"No. Her and Nate are" He corrects. Her eyes bug out. She'd not thought that would ever be on the cards after everything that had gone down between Haley James and Nathan Scott. "At least they're talking about it...She heard through the great vine that Kris needed someone. She told me cause she knows I need to get away"

She blinks. Shakes her head. "But he's an asshole Lucas! And you'd essentially be working for Rachel-"

"And?" He wants her to say it out loud. _I don't want you to._

She doesn't. Instead she's nonsensically saying things she shouldn't. "Stay!- When Jenny wants to get back to music I want her to be surrounded by a group of people we trust-"

His outraged laugh cuts her off. "And you want that to be an alcoholic that her father hates?! I hardly think that's the best shout for a recovering addict!"

"Maybe you're wrong- you've recovered- she can relate to you" She's clutching at straws.

"Are you forgetting that you fired me?! Are you forgetting that you've promised your husband I won't be allowed near your precious label ever again! You're meant to be cutting me out. You shouldn't be here'

"He'd do anything for Jenny-"

"No, he'd do anything for you but there's a fucking limit. Even for him"

She pushes her tongue to the roof of her mouth. Turns around and he thinks she's going to leave but she sinks onto the top step of the porch.

"He'll be pissed when he finds out you've been here"

"He can't tell me what to do-"

"No? I think he's done that a whole lot actually. You never use to let anyone manipulate you-"

"I'm not! You have to make compromises in a marriage-"

"If that's what you want to call it. Look whatever ridiculous plan you're concocting over there just stop. He'll never agree to it and I'm not interested anyway"

"Jenny's band members aren't up to him!" She can't stop. She's disregarding the promise she'd made to her husband. Disregarding that her declaration will surely end in world war three in the Jagielski residence.

"Peyton-"

"I'll talk him round-"

"And how will you do that?"

"What?" She swallows.

"All these years there's been a lot of you talking him round when it comes to me hasn't there?! He hates me. I'd hate me too were I him! I get it"

"Let me handle Jake"

His jaw juts out. "How does it work? When you two argue about me? Because I know you do. How could you not?"

"Why're we talking about Jake right now? I'm talking about you leaving with that jackass-"

"Don't you get it?! I'm leaving because of you and him!"

"I said I'd handle him-"

"How? By fucking him? Is that what you do?! Seduce him into agreeing to me being around?! Because that" He shakes his head. "I'd rather never be near you ever again if that's the case" His words jar her. "Do you know how sick that makes me feel? You being with him like that for me?! When all I want is you?! I don't fucking care about my career. I don't care about any of it. It's all about you, you know that"

"Luke-"

"No. I, why're you here Peyton? This is exactly what I was talking about- you push me away, shut me down and then rock up at my house after ghosting me for six weeks and try and find some ridiculous way of making me stay! I can't keep doing this. I have to go. Ok?" She stares at him. "I..I can't do this anymore" Tears spill down her cheeks then. She can't contain them for a second more. He averts his eyes and she hastily turns her head away "It's not fair on me I...you can't be there for me in the way I..." She drops her head into her hands. "I love you but you love Jake. You've moved on" He doesn't know if he's telling himself that or her. "It's about time I accepted that" He pinches the bridge of his nose and her stomach clenches.

She sniffles. Tries to get it together. There's so much she wants to say but the words won't come. "...What about Sawyer?"

"What about her?"

"Her lessons"

"She had me promise I wouldn't bail on her lessons. I don't know that that's really in her best interest but I found myself agreeing anyway. It seems she's got the talent of talking people into things from her mother..." Her mouth opens and closes. "We can still facetime lessons or something" She nods sombrely. He's silent for a few minutes. He wasn't going to bring it up but who's he kidding. He can't not. "...Whitey told me" Her neck jars as her head swivels to look up at him.

"Told you what?"

"...Do you think you're responsible for Keith's death?"

"...what?" Her heart races.

His shoes sound on the deck as he joins her on the top step. "Keith encouraged you to break it off with me. Whitey told you to end it with me too" She grimaces.

"He shouldn't have told you that"

"No? Why? God forbid I have an actual explanation. You ended it because you knew it was what Keith wanted didn't you?"

"What do you want me to say?" She wraps her arms tight around herself.

"I want you to tell me it's true"

"...He always had your best interests at heart. He was right" She sighs.

"Yes he probably was but he sure as hell didn't mean forever! He didn't mean go and marry another man!" He hisses and she knows by his riled delivery that he's rehashed these words over and over in his head in recent weeks. She's actually impressed that he hasn't sought her out to have this conversation.

"You've gotten better Luke" She states wearily.

"I knew the second Whitey told me, I knew exactly what you've been thinking!"

"And what's that?"

"...you're not responsible for Keith's death" The lump in the back of her throat is suddenly impossible to contain. A sob passes her lips then and his arm moves around her after a beat. It was inevitable. They've done well to last as long as they have without making physical contact. She leans into his side and his hands lock around her "...you're not"

She nods against his chest. She does know that but it doesn't stop her feeling responsible.

"...I got better for you. For you. You do know that right?! You know the only reason I'm god damn sober is for you" She doesn't say anything. Can't. "Do you think the second I have you back I'm going to screw up again? Is that why you're so scared of this? Peyton I've spent years mastering dealing with this fucking illness! And us being us, us being together is the last thing that's ever going to have me relapsing. You think I have this disease because of you don't you?!"

"M-maybe n-not direct-ly b-but it is be-be-cause of me, b-be-cause of my life! I got you into that lifestyle Luke. O-of being on the road of having drugs and alcohol at your fingertips. If you'd just been a normal kid you, you wouldn't have been touring. There, there would have been no temptation!"

"Maybe. Maybe it wouldn't have been when I was as young as I was but it would've just been something I woulda dealt with later on in life. Because this is an illness. You can't avoid it! I have a disease Peyton. It's there every day but I fucking beat it" His nostrils flare. He cups her face fiercely then. "...please tell me you're not married to another man because of some ridiculous notion that you're the reason Keith is dead, that you're the reason I'm an alcoholic"

She abruptly twists away from his touch. Sits up straighter. "I'm not the reason. But I played a p-part in it all"

"No, no you really didn't..."

"Well that's not how I see it"

"No? You know what I think? I think perhaps you don't have faith in me-"

"Don't be absurd"

"Is it that absurd? You're here right now because you thought there was a chance I'd drank"

She sniffles. "Don't be mad at me for that. I don't have the luxury of forgetting the past. I just needed to...check you were ok...you, you're making brash decisions and yeah it, it scares the shit out of me. I worry about you all the fucking time!"

"They're not brash decisions. They're well thought out, six weeks of discussing kind of decisions..."

She swallows thickly. "...ok" Her shoulders shrug. "...if this is what you want and need fine"

"...it's not what I want or need...but I can't wait around for you to be brave enough to make the leap"

•••

"You look hot"

She brusquely walks away. "Not now babe"

She closes her eyes as she fumbles with her earrings because she can hear his footsteps approaching. Of course today is the day he decides to completely let go of her past actions. "What's wrong?" He hums as he reaches her, his hand softly brushing her hair off of her shoulder.

"Nothing's wrong" She tries to escape again but he foresees her escape this time round and his hands clamp down on her hips. "I'm gonna take a shower"

"Yeah? I could take a shower" She doesn't say anything. Her silence says a thousand words. Her silence is a resounding no to his suggestion. He sighs loudly and lets go of her.

The guilt is quick to invade her bones. "Ok" She instantly turns toward him and reaches out and he momentarily thinks how ridiculous it is. They're on a see saw. He never much did like those even when he was a kid. They made him feel nauseous. She's making him dizzy.

"Don't do that" He shrugs her hand away.

"Do what?" Her brow furrows.

"Don't fucking change your mind out of pity. You don't fucking want me to touch you"

"I'm just not in the mood"

"So say that!"

"I shouldn't have to! You know I'm not but you try anyway and guilt me into-"

"I guilt you into it?!" He cries indignantly.

"Yes!" She wavers her hands. Lucas's words are fresh in her mind and it doesn't matter that she doesn't agree with his view. He's planted the seed and she's wondering if she has changed. "No" She changes her answer as fury dances across his face. He doesn't guilt her. She's pretty sure she guilts herself.

"I'm just trying to get us back on fucking track. It'd be nice if you put in the same bloody effort...You've been near him haven't you?"

"What?"

"You really think I'm a fucking idiot don't you?" He shakes his head. "We've done this fucking dance enough times. I. Know. You" He smiles but there's zero amusement. "What? Nothing to say?" The smile wanes. "You never want me touching you when you've been near him. Did you know that? Unless I start behaving like a jealous fool. Then you're all over me" He ponders. "You know I'm actually kind of impressed you lasted this long. Six weeks has to be a record" Predictably she makes a bee line for the bathroom. He side steps in front of her. "Come on, spill the beans. What was it? An _accidental_ run in" his fingers do quote marks in the air. "You finally heard that he's leaving to tour with Keller didn't you?"

"You knew?" She's pissed in all of a heartbeat.

"Yes I knew"

"And you just weren't going to tell me?"

"You said you were done seeing him. Him leaving Tree Hill for a good while is surely irrelevant"

"I'm not a fucking child Jake! You don't get to choose what I do and don't know!"

"No? I think I have every bloody right when it comes to you and Lucas Scott" He argues. "So, did you manage to keep your panties on?"

"I'm not doing this-" She tries to retreat again but he's riled and she's going nowhere. "Let me go"

"We're talking-"

"No we're not. You're being ridiculous"

"I'm ridiculous" He looks up for a pensive moment. "I'm ridiculous. My wife had her tongue down someone else's throat a couple of months ago and I'm ridiculous for not trusting her to keep her damn legs shut?!"

"I wouldn't do that-"

"No but you want to and that's just as bad! I told you not to go near him!"

"And I've kept to your stupid fucking rules until now! I just wanted to speak to him but you'll be glad to hear he doesn't want to talk to me! I was barely there five seconds" She can't help the tears that glaze over her eyes because she's upset. She's upset because they'd argued and god she'd never been able to bear arguing with Lucas Scott. He was upset with her and that killed her more than her husband's raging jealousy. The irony isn't lost on her.

"Did you try and talk him into staying? Hm?"

"He's got an illness Jake! You know him touring with fucking Chris Keller isn't good for him-"

"He's a grown man that is capable of making his own god damn decisions. He doesn't need you vetting him. He doesn't need you. I need you. Do you know what it's like?! Never being good enough for you? Never feeling like you're actually mine"

She shakes her head. "You know you make this about Luke but the reality is you want a housewife that doesn't work that looks after your kids and has your dinner on the table when you get in. I've never been that!"

He snorts. "I don't want that! I just want you to want me as much as you fucking want him!" He barks. "I want to know that when I'm away you're going to be counting down the days until I'm back! That you're going to tell me you hate it when I'm gone! That you miss me"

She pinches the bridge of her nose. "...I do miss you"

"Sure you do" He shakes his head. "I'm going for a run"

She doesn't try to stop. Wants him to go. And then the tears that keep invading her nights start and can't be stopped.

•••

"Honey what's wrong?" Peyton watches her. She's spent the last twenty minutes wondering if she's being completely paranoid but something is off. She knows she can't expect her step-daughter to be on top form, not after everything but call it mother's intuition, she knows something isn't right.

"I...I I love you"

"I love you too kiddo" Peyton frowns, her hand resting on the nineteen year olds back. "Has something happened...have...have you used-"

"No, no" Jenny hastily cuts off because she knows Peyton. Knows how hard this has all been on her and it's the last thing she wants her to think. "Nothing like that. I swear I'm not, I won't. I know I let you down but-"

"You didn't let me down-"

"Yes I did! I know how hard this shit is for you. I never meant to put you through all of this. You're the one person I was most concerned about disappointing, the one person I didn't want to hurt and I just..." She becomes teary.

"Jen" Peyton shakes her head. "Don't think about me. I'm sorry I've been MIA. I wanted to come to your rehab I just-"

"I know why you couldn't. I get why. I'm just sorry for everything. The label, the-"

"Babe, enough" Peyton cuts off. "I don't want you worrying about the label or me! You just need to concentrate on you right now. I need you to be ok. Ok? That's all I need. So if, if you're struggling, if you think you're-"

"I'm not going to use. I'm okay. Really I am. The first few days after I was released were tough. I'd gotten use to a routine and suddenly that wasn't there anymore and I'm back in my own space, free to do what I want again but I, I'm adjusting to living back here in my apartment"

"Yeah? You know you're welcome back home. Anytime you want. I'd like it if you moved back in. All of this felt too sudden, you living by yourself. If we'd just insisted you stay with us instead of move in with your Mum-"

"I know. Moving in with Nicky wasn't the best choice but at sixteen the idea of not having rules was kinda cool. I can see how rules and having actual parents that give a shit is actually cooler now"

"I should've put up more of a fight"

"You made it known what you wanted me to do and I threw the 'You're not my Mum' line at you" Jenny exhales. "Moving in here was better for me than staying with Nicky any longer"

"But moving back in with us might be even better for you"

"Really. You don't need to worry. I don't want Indie and Sawyer to be so close to me right now. I want to be the best example to them-"

"You are"

"I have meetings I have to attend every other day so that's giving me a bit of structure and I can come over anytime right?"

"Right. But you can pick up the phone and call me at any time day or night if you change your mind. I'll come"

"I know...I thought I might erm, get back in the studio...if I'm, I'm still..."

"Of course you're still signed"

"You could've terminated my contract. I broke the rules"

"Rules are there to be broken. Thery'e just a rough guide" Peyton smiles. "You don't need to worry about touring, the album, the label. None of it. It's not going anywhere- when you're ready it'll be waiting. But if if you want out of this, like, you want to be out of your contract you just need you to tell me. It's okay for you to change your mind"

"I don't. That's not...I want to stay on the label...I just don't know that you're going to still want me"

"Oh honey. I'll always want you. You're my kid"

"I'm not though am I?"

"I love you"

"I know. But I, you don't owe me anything and well...fuck...I don't...I...you're, you've always been there for me and I, I'm let's face it you don't have reason to be...I've been a nightmare-"

"You're not a nightmare"

"I've not made it easy for you a lot of times and you've always been kind and included me in your family"

"Because you're a part of my family Jenny" Peyton declares fiercely.

"I know things between you and Dad haven't always been straight forward"

Peyton stiffens. "We always work through it don't we? I don't want you worrying about any of that shit that's in the tabloids at the minute okay?" Jenny bites her lip. "You need to just focus on you right now. And when you are ready to come back to music it's going to be different. We're gonna do it differently this time"

"You really think I can still do this?"

"Luke figured out how do this without falling off the wagon. You will too" She murmurs. Jenny nods. Watches her stepmom carefully for a long moment. "What's that look for?" Peyton's brow kinks.

"...I don't want you to think I'm interfering"

"With what?"

Jenny swallows. "There is another reason I can't come live with you and Dad again..." Peyton doesn't say anything. Waits for her to elaborate. "I didn't know what to do I, I thought I'd be able to just not say anything but I...I love you. I know I never say that but lets face it, you've been a better Mum to me than Nicky and I, I can't not say anything. I know he's my Dad but..."

"Babe what're you talking about?"

"I saw him kissing Mia" She blurts abruptly.

Peyton stares dumbly at the anxious girl before her.

"A, a couple of weeks ago...he came by and visited when I was still in rehab. He played me some stuff he'd been working on and then a few minutes after he left I realised he'd forgotten his guitar" She rambles. "I ran out front and he...they were in his car...I didn't know if to tell you or not but you don't deserve that shit. I didn't know if to tell you but-"

"It's alright." Peyton cuts her off, her mouth suddenly capable of forming words once again.

"I'm so sorry"

"No, no" She brings Jenny into her arms because she can't have her peering at her with that sorry expression for a moment more. "Thanks for telling me babe..."

"...What, what're you going to do?"

Peyton blinks. Is in shock. Rage is swelling in her belly. She's painfully aware that it's not jealousy. It's not devastation. Painfully aware that it's more about her being lied to. Painfully aware that it's about her being humiliated rather than distress that he could be fucking someone else. It's rage that she's been made to feel oh so dreadful about Lucas and he's having a god damn affair? "Everything will be ok" She hums into her step daughter's hair. It's probably a misunderstanding. This is Jake they're talking about after all. "I promise everything will be ok"


End file.
